My Thoughts on the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (2015-19)

(Warning: this article contains SPOILERS for Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker.)

  At an end, the Sequel Trilogy is. And not short enough, it was.

  Star Wars is perhaps the most beloved fictional property of the past 40+ years and while only time will tell if Episodes VII, VIII, and IX are the last films we'll see in this franchise (I kind of doubt it) we'll at least be left with these recent three to contemplate for the foreseeable future. So I'd like to take this opportunity to discuss my thoughts on the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy (2015-19).

  But first let me give you a little background on my personal history with Star Wars movies. In the 1990's I grew up in the lingering cultural wake of the original films. Without having watched the Original Trilogy I already knew the main characters, some of the lore, and the basic gist of the story. And then The Phantom Menace came out and just like that the whole world was awash in hype, nostalgia, and toys; my brothers and I had so many Star Wars toys we didn't know what to do with them all. We all thought Episode I was awesome and we watched it dozens of times on VHS. When Attack of the Clones came out I was conflicted; I liked the world-building and the stories it told but I thought the film itself was mostly boring. In spite of this, I was hyped for Episode III and when it came out I was not disappointed. Revenge of the Sith completely blew me away and from that moment on I was hooked on Star Wars. I read dozens of Star Wars novels, played every video game I could get my hands on, and of course I went back and finally watched the Original Trilogy which I found easy to admire. Sure, my opinions on various Star Wars movies have changed over time – see articles published July 2017 – but what hasn't changed is my fondness for the series as a whole.

  And then I heard that a whole new trilogy was being made. I was skeptical at first – Hollywood has a well-deserved reputation for doing ill-advised things just because it can – but when I heard that talented people were being put in charge (not to mention that the special effects would be as practical as possible) I kept an open mind and saw the series' latest entry on opening night.

The Force Awakens

  Since that night in December 2015 I've rewatched The Force Awakens only once. That pretty much sums up how I feel about it: it was only once, but I did want to rewatch it. The review I wrote for it ended in a four-out-of-five score which in retrospect seems rather generous. Maybe I was caught up in the hype or I was so relieved that it wasn't a bad movie. Episode VII was and still is respectable. The action is thrilling enough, Kylo Ren was a decent villain (even if his temper tantrums made him hard to take seriously at times), and the music was well done. But on the other hand most of the new characters didn't have much going for them, the effects were mostly CGI just like every other movie these days, and the world-building is lacking; there's not much to fill audiences in on what's happened to the galaxy since Return of the Jedi. What is the First Order and where did it come from? Who is Snoke and where did he come from? Does the New Republic rule the whole galaxy or does it share it with the First Order? Is the New Republic at war with the First Order? If so then why is it making a Resistance movement fight them? Why did it allow the First Order to make the superweapon, Starkiller Base?

  What bothered me more than Episode VII's lack of background was the fact that 90% of the movie is simply a remake of A New Hope; the plot is more or less the same, even a bunch of the scenes are similar. Regardless, I was willing to forgive most of these shortcomings at the time. Cramming in all the details and interesting arcs of a trilogy into the first film is a tall order. The filmmakers will have more freedom next time for crafting a truly great Star Wars film with Episode VIII, right?

The Last Jedi

  Oh, I'm afraid the suckage was quite operational when my friends and I arrived at the cinemas in December 2017. The Last Jedi was both a transparent ripoff of The Empire Strikes Back and also a heavily Disney-fied snoozefest. It's bad enough that the film was loaded with cutesy humour, little details explained in very dumbed-down terms, and a not-so-subtle political slant (a whole subplot about war profiteering and animal rights in a Star Wars film? Really?) but could they have bothered to make the premise exciting? The film is about the Resistance leadership – which many characters now refer to as “the Rebels” – in a handful of ships on the run from a First Order fleet. Why can't the Resistance ships hyperspace jump away? Because this. Why don't the First Order ships open fire on them? Because that. Why doesn't the First Order fleet attack with bombers and more than just a handful of fighters? Because this. Why don't the First Order ships make a small hyperspace jump to close the distance between the two fleets? Because they lack imagination. Why doesn't (sigh) vice admiral Holdo tell her officers her plan for escape? Because that. This isn't a plot that's fun or exciting. This is a plot made up of excuses! Sure, the majority of Episode V was about trying to escape an Imperial fleet too but it involved a variety of neat tactics and manoeuvres that made you appreciate the ingenuity of the main characters. The other half of The Last Jedi has Finn and some boring chick named Rose go and find a hacker who can help the Resistance in their flight from the First Order fleet, and this whole subplot – I'd say at least 35 minutes of the film – leads nowhere and is pointless.

  As for the rest of the film, what isn't lazily ripping off Episode V is basically turning everything upside down and discarding all the new trilogy's intriguing possibilities that could've developed further. Luke Skywalker is a sad loser who scarcely resembles the optimistic Jedi he was at the end of Episode VI. Snoke is killed off before we've learned much of anything about him. Princess Leia is now Superman apparently. Captain Phasma is killed off unceremoniously; they said she would be this trilogy's Boba Fett which she indeed turned out to be... in the most disappointing way. Also, hyperspace jumping one capital ship into another can apparently destroy half a fleet: so why haven't we seen this done in Star Wars before or since? It sure looked cool and it sounds to me like a way more effective attack than going through the trouble of building a superweapon (that will inevitably be destroyed).

  So yeah, The Last Jedi pissed a lot of people off, and I was one of them; I've not rewatched it since nor do I particularly want to. At this point I was starting to lose hope in this franchise and my expectations for part three weren't great. I knew I was going to watch Episode IX not out of a sense of anticipation, but rather a sense of obligation. The only thing about the marketing that intrigued me was that Palpatine was back – now that got my attention.

The Rise of Skywalker

  According to The Rise of Skywalker's opening text crawl, a message from Palpatine was broadcast across the galaxy and everybody is scrambling to find its source. Now let me ask: why was this world-shaking event relegated to the opening text? Imagine how cool it would have been to see everyone's reaction upon hearing a surprise message from the Emperor, a powerful and evil Sith who's been thought to be dead for the past 30 or so years! That would've made for one hell of a cliffhanger ending for The Last Jedi, wouldn't you say?

  Now you're not going to believe me, but get a load of this: Episode IX is an approximate remake of Episode VI. The laziness – err, I mean pattern continues and it makes the film kind of predictable. We see an evil empire armed with planet-exploding weapons headed by Palpatine who is confronted face to face with a lone Jedi who is aided by a former Sith who sacrifices himself. The only thing missing is the Ewoks... oh wait, never mind. There actually are Ewoks in Episode IX. In fact there are a ton of little incidental things you may remember from other, more creative Star Wars movies because the best that this one has to offer is an overabundance of fan service, cameos, and rehashed dialogue.

  What The Rise of Skywalker does bring to the table is a bunch of fake-out deaths, a rather dull explanation for Snoke, and a brand new giant fleet of Star Destroyers called the Final Order that Palpatine has been building in secret. The only downside is that this Final Order fleet doesn't really do anything, has a massive weakness, and is defeated easily as it floats helplessly in one spot. It makes me wonder if this fleet is even staffed by living people or just remote controlled. Are the personnel of its command ship clones? Where did they come from? Also, remember the whole Finn-might-be-in-love-with-Rey subplot? It's left unresolved, totally abandoned even though it was hinted at in all three films. What they did remember to tell us is Rey's origin: turns out she's Palpatine's paternal granddaughter. This raises several questions, such as who is Rey's dad then? And when/with whom was Palpatine bumping uglies? Who was he R2-Doing and when did he Darth Invader?

  I will say that The Rise of Skywalker is a better movie than The Last Jedi. It shares all the things I liked about the latter film – the fights, the effects, Kylo Ren, the music – and it has less of the things I hated like the childish humour, heavy-handed liberal politics, and boring plot lines. But it seems like it was written as a damage-control type of film meant to undo the mistakes of the previous two. As a result there's a lot of stuff that happens in just Episode IX, suggesting that this trilogy wasn't plotted out in advance as a smoothly flowing and proper story arc like the other two trilogies were. If you wanted to get the gist, the bare-bones story of the Sequel Trilogy you could arguably skip Episodes VII and VIII and be fine with watching IX on its own.

Conclusion

  Just to be clear, I don't think the Sequel Trilogy films are bad per se. They're an OK-to-average bunch of films that I kind of despise. It really says something when one of the only characters I sympathize with was Chewbacca; even though the poor fella can't talk I felt bad that he has to watch his old friends die over and over again. Luke and Han were brought back only to turn out as grumpy old losers. I thought the main character, Rey, was flat and uninteresting and most of the other new characters weren't much better.

  If you couldn't tell already, one of this trilogy's biggest flaws is the stunning lack of imagination on the part of both the writers and the artists involved. We should have been given a more detailed explanation of what the galaxy was like in the 30 years following Episode VI. There should have been superweapons that do something else besides blowing up a planet. The Final Order fleet should have fought back. Star fleets shouldn't still be using TIE fighters and X-wings. (Though to be fair the TIE fighters in Episode IX now have hyperspace drives, which they didn't before. That's something, I guess.) And we shouldn't be seeing battles and plots we've seen before. This is Star Wars, dangit, the series that takes place a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Get creative with it!

  But perhaps my biggest gripe with the Sequel Trilogy is that it diminishes the events and characters of the previous films. The first six episodes cover the life of Anakin Skywalker, his origin, his rise to power, his turn to the dark side, and ultimately his redemption. With his death he fulfilled his destiny as the Chosen One and destroyed the Sith once and for all. But with these new films, I guess none of that mattered. Anakin wasn't the Chosen One after all. It's stuff like this that makes we wish the Sequel Trilogy never happened.

  But at the end of the day, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. No, my childhood isn't ruined by these new films. My childhood is in the past, therefore nothing can ruin it. To me, Star Wars is a series that never needed more than six parts and that's how I'll choose to remember it: the series that concluded with an Ewok festival on Endor.

Movie Review -- Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

  Another year, another Star Wars movie. Today I'm reviewing Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker, the last of the new sequel trilogy. After the double disappointments that were 2017's The Last Jedi and 2018's Solo can this latest entry redeem the current generation of this epic space fantasy series?

  Short answer: too little, too late.

  Taking place a few months after The Last Jedi, The Rise of Skywalker has both Resistance and First Order fighters searching for wayfinders that may lead to the origin of a mysterious broadcast from the not-so-dead Emperor Palpatine (this ain't no spoiler; he was in the trailer), who seeks to reestablish his Galactic Empire under Sith rule. This leads to... honestly there's an ass-load of stuff that happens throughout this movie. The riveting early scene introducing Palpatine notwithstanding, the first half of this film jumps around a lot with action scene after action scene, one right after the other. We're shown so many locations and so many MacGuffins that I couldn't help but tune out the finer technical details of things as the film ground on.

Remember what I said about TFA and TLJ, how they're remakes of the original trilogy films? TROS is no exception, a quasi-ripoff/remake of Return of the Jedi, especially in the last act. Here we get to see the return of:

• a planet-exploding weapon (What is this? The fourth time now?!),
• a jedi returning to an old master's retreat to do some more training,
• Lando and Chewbacca spearheading the attack in the Millennium Falcon during the final battle, and
• a jedi going alone to confront the bad guy leader as he eggs him (or in this case, her) on to kill somebody.
• (Trust me there are far more similarities that I can't mention without spoilers.)

  Return of the Jedi coincidences aside, The Rise of Skywalker's plot is very up and down. We learn the origin story of both Rey – which is pretty neat – and Snoke – which is totally lame. What's also lame is that the main characters are pretty much invincible; their ability to survive landspeeder crashes without a scratch, raid/board a star destroyer with only a handful of guys, and blast through a whole platoon of stormtroopers without even having to stop and take cover robs many of the action scenes of tension. There's one subplot that was established back in Episode VII that Rise of Skywalker hints at resolving but by the film's end this plot thread is still left hanging. Did the writers simply forget about it? I guess they were too busy working on the really disappointing and predictable ending and the half-dozen or so “what the hell” moments that occur in the film's last five minutes.

  The characters are about the same calibre as the previous two films: Rey is as to-the-point and lacking in personality as ever while Kylo Ren continues to be the best and most interesting character in the whole trilogy. While he's just as conflicted as he was before this time he's without a master and seeing him act with more agency – especially in relation to Rey – is a treat thanks to a focused performance from Adam Driver. John Boyega is around to shout Rey's name a whole lot. And of course it's always a delight to see Ian McDiarmid play the role of Emperor Palpatine once again. There's also Carrie Fisher back as Princess Leia one last time via unused footage from Episode VII; as you can imagine this doesn't make storytelling easy with her character so it's a good thing Maz Kanata (the goggles chick) follows her around and (apparently) reads her mind.

  As with other recent Star Wars films, Rise of Skywalker is a very well-produced film. The effects look great (better than the last two), the compositions are splendid, the music is top-notch, and the fight choreography is precise. In short, it's a nice-looking and nice-sounding film. The tone is somewhat more balanced than last time: there's slightly fewer cute critters to make the kids laugh. Some of the jokes are quite funny while some are simply bizarre and gratuitous.

  And that's Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker. I may have been a bit harsh on it, but the fact is that I don't hate this movie. Most of it is OK, that is until you get to the disappointing ending. It's a finely-crafted film and I believe that the only lazy thing to it was the writing. This movie remains trapped in familiar territory and simply doesn't bring anything new to the series – which is my main complaint about the sequel trilogy as a whole. But in case you're wondering, yes The Rise of Skywalker is better than The Last Jedi. But that's not saying much.

  Still, if you've ever wanted a Star Wars movie in which someone says the word “ass” then this is the one for you!

Grade:

My Top 20 Favourite Video Games Ever (Part 2)

Sorry about the delay. I had some computer issues a couple weeks ago but it's all good now. Let's take a look at numbers 10 to 1.

10. Brothers in Arms: Earned in Blood (Xbox, 2005)

I've already written at length about the Brothers in Arms series (back in March 2016) so I won't go too much into detail here, but suffice it to say I think BIA is a great underrated series for fans of tactical shooters. Road to Hill 30 (2005) was a good debut but it was just a bit too linear. Hell's Highway (2008) had a great story but wasn't challenging enough. For me it's the second game, Earned in Blood, that holds the trilogy's crown. It upped the ante in terms of smarter enemies, enthralling storytelling, and more open-ended levels that made you think more. Not to mention it had more multiplayer modes and even multiplayer bots. All three BIA games are fun but if you're thinking of just getting one, Earned in Blood is my recommendation.

9. Splinter Cell: Blacklist (Xbox 360, 2013)

If you've read my Splinter Cell game rankings (January 2016) then this shouldn't come as too much of a surprise. While Blacklist isn't a perfect game it is hard to deny the amount of effort put into it, not to mention the amount of fun you'll get out of it. In a return to the series' signature form, it combines the fluid gameplay of Conviction (2010) with the stealth and level design of the original trilogy (2002-05). A strong contender for most replayable game in the series, Blacklist is bursting with content: in addition to the single-player campaign, there's a coop campaign and an additional twelve levels that can be completed either solo or coop. Combine this with the three different playstyles and you've got a game you'll be playing for a long time. Overall, Blacklist is a fun and accessible game that I would recommend to anyone curious about the stealth game genre.

8. RollerCoaster Tycoon (PC, 1999)

And now for something completely different. I mean, this list can't all be console action games! RollerCoaster Tycoon is an addicting game that I still get out and play from time to time. There's so many fun things to do, it's a game that you can easily lose yourself in. By customizing the names of the park/rides I would make parks with ridiculous themes like King of the Hill quotes or a cyborg revolt against humanity. Whenever guests would die in a roller coaster crash I would build a statue and plant tons of flowers around it, rebuild a new roller coaster in its place, and give it a name that had the word “memorial” in it. Sometimes I would hire about 20 or so guys in animal costumes and have them all patrol the same little strip of footpath, mobbing any guests who tried to pass through. I'd always make at least one ride that was called “Pooping my pants” so that when the guests got off it they'd all say “Pooping my pants was great!” And sometimes if time was running out and my guest count wasn't high enough I'd dig a hole, wrangle up all the people who were thinking “I want to go home”, and drop them into the hole from which they had no means of escape! And all this stuff is just the tip of the iceberg. RollerCoaster Tycoon is a timeless game that never gets old. If you've never tried it before, consider picking it up sometime. You will not be disappointed.

7. NHL 2002 (PC, 2001)

Like most Canadian boys, I grew up playing a healthy amount of hockey... video games. I'm not particularly good at sports in real life so instead I kicked ass on virtual ice with the NHL games -- or "chell" as I like to call it. I've played NHL 98, 99, 2002, Hitz 2003, 2004, 2005, 07, 12, and 17 in varying amounts and out of all of those I've gotten the most enjoyment out of NHL 2002 (with 99 as a close second). This was back when the NHL games weren't trying too hard to be realistic. The players didn't move around slugishly and lethargicly and the contols weren't overly complicated. 2002 is a fast-paced game, just as a hockey game should be. The movement is fluid, the hits are devastating, and the slapstick colour commentary featuring Don Taylor is amusing. For (I believe) the first time in the NHL series you could choose which jersey each team would wear, which as a fan of both retro hockey and the Vancouver Canucks (the NHL team with the most uniform changes) I found to be awesome. Another awesome thing was the trading card system – which if it was done in today's NHL video games, I guarantee it would be tied into loot boxes or other such microtransaction BS – which allowed you to unlock mods and cheats. These mods included silly things such as sumo suits, big heads, higher/lower pitch voices, and my personal favourite, Shrink n' Grow. In this mode players shrink when they're hit and grow when they score goals, and after a few minutes it makes for a hilarious match. It's this whole arcade style of gameplay and presentation that is so sorely missing from recent games in the NHL series. But if you ever want to go back to a simpler time when sports games didn't have to take themselves seriously then NHL 2002 has got you covered.

6. Batman: Arkham City (Xbox 360, 2011)

From a purely objective point of view Batman: Arkham City may be the best video game I've ever played. It's definitely the open world game I've played through the most and one of the very few games in which I found every collectible. In this game Batman takes on Arkham City, an open-air prison full of common crooks, political prisoners, undercover cops, and of course a whole bunch of supervillains. This open world isn't terribly large but it is amazing how much stuff is packed into it including collectible Riddler trophies, Riddler riddles, AR challenges, side missions, destructible objects, hostages who need rescuing, crime scenes to investigate, mysteries to solve, and prisoners to beat up. And the world you're playing in is really fleshed out with all sorts of characters who each have their own backstories. Also the progression system is rewarding since it unlocks new combat moves and gadgets, encouraging further exploration and replays. And did I mention that Catwoman and Robin each have their own campaigns too? The developers' attention to detail in Arkham City is commendable; they've made a game you can spend a ton of time with. If I was stranded on a deserted island and I could only have three games to play there, Batman: Arkham City would easily be one of them.

5. Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory (Xbox, 2005)

I've written about this game before (January 2016) and everyone seems to agree that Chaos Theory is easily the best game of the Splinter Cell series. So let me tell you about why I rank it as one of my favourites. It's a game that makes you think for yourself. The most obvious path to your objective is often the most dangerous and difficult and so you must learn to find your own way through the levels and make use of things in the environment that you normally wouldn't notice. It encourages you to explore for hidden paths. In short, it makes you think like Sam Fisher would. It's what makes completing a level with a 100% success rating feel so satisfying. Chaos Theory was the first Splinter Cell game I played and I'll admit I got stumped a lot. But I persevered, eventually beating it and all the other SC games. Looking back I have to say that this was the Splinter Cell with the best soundtrack, the best level design, and the fairest challenge. It's no wonder why this game is liked by so many people.

4. Gears of War 2 (Xbox 360, 2008)

What can you say about Gears of War 2? It's just a good game, as simple as that. I've played all games in the Gears series except 4 and I believe that Gears 2 was the best of them. It was more refined, varied, and graphically impressive than the first Gears. It was more hardcore, serious, and fun than the third Gears. (For the record, I really liked GOW: Judgment, I just thought it was a bit short.) GOW 2's campaign can accurately be described as a badass simulator, chainsawing vicious foes, firing powerful-sounding weapons, and delivering brutal execution moves all along an interesting plot that takes you to unexpected places. And then there was the multiplayer which I sunk a ton of hours into; seriously, GOW 2 is one of the two games I've spent the most time playing (#1 on this list is the other game). The maps were great and the game modes were even greater. My personal favourite was King of the Hill on Ruins. Gears of War 2 was my introduction to the Gears series back in 2008 and I've been hooked ever since.

3. Civilization III (PC, 2001)

Strategy is a genre I don't play all that often but when I find a good strategy game I stick with it. Just like RollerCoaster Tycoon, Civilization III is a highly addicting game that I've been playing on and off for a decade and a half now. In Civ 3 you build up an empire by establishing cities, controlling resources, trading with other nations, managing productivity, keeping your people happy, and defeating opposing civilizations in battle. It's a game that is rich in detail and deep in terms of gameplay. Each civilization has its own distinct personality thanks to unique military units, historical leader figures, and civilization traits. For example France – the one I played the most because I seemed to do the best with – is an industrious and commercial society led by Joan of Arc and can produce musketeers. It's also really fun to see your empire progress through eras of history, learning scientific advancements which can support new city improvements and military units. Declaring war gives you a rush like nothing else, but it's not a decision to make lightly. Getting into the wrong conflict can have serious consequences! There are several different ways of winning the game, which supports different play styles and strategies, making replays a must. It's a game that never stops giving.

2. Halo 2 (Xbox, 2004)

My first few exposures to Halo 2 were always as I was hanging out at friends' houses playing the multiplayer. The game's presentation was the first thing that struck me: the jaw-dropping sound effects, the captivating music, the crisp blue menus, the multiplayer voice guy, the cool weapons, and the heavy-duty looking player characters just blew my mind. When I got around to getting my own copy of the game I quickly came to the conclusion that Halo 2 is the coolest game ever made. Though I hadn't yet played Halo: Combat Evolved (2001) I found Halo 2's story and universe to be fascinating. With such likeable characters, interesting enemies, and great locations I found the experience quite immersive. And the gameplay was fantastic also. The Legendary difficulty setting on Halo 2 was notoriously hard – full retard, basically – but after years of learning the intricacies of combat and all the right tactics I eventually beat the sucker on its most challenging setting. Conquering one of my favourite games on an infamously brutal difficulty: that made me proud. Although Halo 2's multiplayer mode was technically outclassed by its successor it is still a phenomenally awesome multiplayer suite, one that my friends and I still play occasionally.

1. Star Wars: Battlefront II (Xbox, 2005)

Please note, I said 2005, not 2017, as if that greedy pile of vomit deserves to share the name of this gem of a game. No, son. This is the classic Star Wars shooter game that deserves your attention, money and time. And that it has gotten; Battlefront II, along with Gears of War 2, is one the games I have played the most. My disc has got so many scratches on it it's a miracle my Xbox still runs it! I grew up during the prequel age of Star Wars and it was pretty awesome. The movies weren't the greatest but we still liked them. The video games were even better and we ate them up. In 2005 there came along an intense third-person shooter that put you into the boots of the soldiers fighting in all the franchise's big battles from episode I to VI. It was busy, chaotic, and fun. You had so many maps, several game modes, space battles, and even heroes from the movies one could play as. You could be Darth Maul cutting down clone troopers by the hundreds with your doublesaber like a one-man army, but sometimes it was more fun to just be an ordinary engineer sneaking behind enemy lines capturing command posts, trying to survive on your own with nothing but your shotgun, your health packs, and your wit to keep you going. You could hop in the AT-AT walkers on Hoth and blow up everything and everyone, or you could be a sniper holding out as long as you could at the shield generator base on Endor. In space battles you could land a squad aboard the enemy's flagship and destroy its systems from the inside or you could get in a starfighter and just fly around and shoot down enemy ships. In addition to multiplayer there was also the Risk-like strategy war game Galactic Conquest (which I don't think I ever completed when played against my brothers, we were just too good to fail!) and the undercooked but still enjoyable singleplayer campaign. With so many things to do and so many different ways of doing them it's no wonder I spent so much time having fun with Star Wars: Battlefront II. It's just that good.

Thanks for reading

Movie Review -- Solo: A Star Wars Story

  Another Star Wars movie already? But it's only been five months since the spectacle of mediocre dumbness that was Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. If Disney and Lucasfilm want moviegoers to spend their hard-earned doubloons on another Star Wars film so soon then they'd better bring their A-game. Or as Grand Moff Tarkin would say, “We're taking an awful risk, Kathleen Kennedy. This had better work.”

  Solo: A Star Wars Story follows a young Han Solo on his first heists in the galaxy's criminal underworld. Along the way he teams up with prisoner Chewbacca, smuggler Lando Calrissian, thief Tobias Beckett, and Han's former lover Qi'ra. It's a plot that's pretty dull, is somewhat predictable, and has lots of attempted jokes that don't always work. It seems that a lot of the scenes telegraphs their moves: they all begin with a character briefly mentioning some exposition about where they are and what's going on and right away you'll know “that thing he/she just off-handedly mentioned is definitely going to happen in the next ten minutes”. Lastly, there's an unacceptable amount of sequel-baiting for a movie that's supposed to be a self-contained chapter in an anthology series! Combine this with the fact that Alden Ehrenreich's contract is for three films – even though this first one is taking a beating at the box office – and you've got a pretty good example of what a cart before the horse looks like.

  But if you're a big fan of excessive fan service then you'll freakin' love Solo. Apparently everything important Han Solo-related thing in the Original Trilogy happened during this one adventure. You'll see the origin of every little thing you never really cared about from Han Solo's name to various classic (and some obscure) quotes. But this is all surface level reference stuff. Aside from Han's relationships with Lando and Chewbacca, there's no meaningful links to the original films or the Star Wars universe as a whole. If only they'd spent their creative energy on making this film worthwhile on its own.

  Speaking of which, Ehrenreich does an alright job in his performance as Han Solo, which largely sustains the whole film. Through him we see Solo change from underhanded idealist to cynical outlaw. But as good as Ehrenreich is here, he predictably doesn't hold up to the charisma of Harrison Ford. The same can be said of Donald Glover as Lando; good but not as good as Billy Dee Williams. Paul Bettany's performance as crime lord Dryden Vos is good, even if his character is somewhat generic and underutilized. Qi'ra is bland, not interesting at all. Oh yeah, and Chewbacca is now a savage brute who eats humans and rips people's arms off. Way to tarnish a classic character.

  It gets worse. There's this badass gang of speeder bike-riding pirates whose leader is later revealed to be a red-haired teenage girl with freckles. (Once you find out about this it is impossible to take her and her gang seriously.) There's an annoying droid who is an SJW (yes, even within the context of the Star Wars universe). And there's one character pointlessly brought back from the dead from a previous movie – it seems that nobody can let this person die peacefully.

  At least Woody Harrelson does a good job as Beckett.

  Solo's production value is about as good as most other Star Wars films: the sets look good, the music sounds exciting, and the CG effects are as frustratingly OK as ever. However, its scope is noticeably smaller which makes me wonder, by the Force, how the heck did this movie cost $250 million to make!? Not only is Solo the most expensive Star Wars movie, it's one of the most expensive movies period! No wonder this film is losing tons of money.

  So that's Solo: A Star Wars Story, an exceedingly average sci-fi action movie whose existence represents everything I dislike about today's Hollywood blockbusters: an obscenely-budgeted, unwanted cash-in with no heart made by uncreative studios who try shoving their politics in your face while also prematurely assuming that they'll be successful enough to crank out an unending, risk-free stream of sequels. Judged on its own merits Solo isn't terrible but it ends up being a lot like last year's The Last Jedi: by the standards of any old sci-fi action movie it's OK, it's just not a very good Star Wars movie.

Grade:

Movie Review -- Star Wars: The Last Jedi

  Another Star Wars movie? Ok, let's do this. 2015's Episode VII: The Force Awakens was pretty good, a healthy slab of light-hearted fun. Can The Last Jedi keep up the exciting pace and build upon the new stories set up by its predecessor?

  Short answer: not really.

  So the story is that the Resistance leadership is on the run from the First Order's fleet and Rey has to convince the hermit Luke Skywalker to help fight the badguys, as well as teach her in the ways of the Force of course. It's a story that accomplishes surprisingly little in spite of its two-and-a-half hour run time. This is partially due to the fact that about three-quarters of The Last Jedi is a ripoff/remake of The Empire Strikes Back. Seriously. Without getting too much into spoilers here's a brief list of things lifted straight off of Episode V:

• the majority of the film involves the insurgent leadership fleeing from an empire's fleet after evacuating their base,
• a group of heroes travel to a luxurious city to seek help in getting away from the badguy fleet,
• a submerged x-wing just outside an old Jedi master's hut,
• the wannabe Jedi apprentice enters a trippy cave of evil, and
• an old Jedi master refusing to train a young wannabe but giving in after having a chat with his ghost pal.

  For cryin' out loud, they even redid the Battle of Hoth! Except this time TLJ tries reassuring us that it isn't Hoth by having one random character go out of his way to remark that the white powdery stuff on the ground is salt, not snow. That makes it totally different, OK?! What's more, the series has mostly dropped the “resistance” label in favour of “rebels” – who now use the original trilogy's Rebel Alliance symbol. So yeah, the sequel trilogy is pretty much just straight remaking the original trilogy at this point.

  And could they at least be bothered to give this remake a good plot? Side characters come and go with little to no explanation: Paige Tico just shows up and we're already supposed to care about her whereas Benicio Del Toro's character inexplicably disappears from the film. In fact, Finn's whole subplot/adventure pretty much goes nowhere, seemingly just to set up a fight scene at the end. The film has not one, but two climaxes which could have been combined into one to save some run time, just sayin'. And to cap it all off, there's a scene in which a main character survives a near-death experience in what is without a doubt the stupidest and cheesiest moment in any Star Wars movie – including the prequels! I don't want to give away too much, but this one particular scene is so hokey that I half-expected Han Solo's ghost to pop up on screen and say, “Hey, audience. You believe in ______, right? Then why don't you clap your hands and help [him/her] out!”

  Some of these plot problems seem to be symptomatic of the Disney-fication of Star Wars; everything is frustratingly kid-friendly. Everything that happens in this film is explained in the most basic possible terms as if this was every character's first day in the Resistance navy. No detail is too small to clarify, no audience member too dumb. There's also a bunch of lame, forced humour reminiscent of the prequel trilogy. The only difference is that instead of bumbling droids, we've got General Hux and a bunch of CG Furbies (because Furbies are definitely something the world needed to be reminded of).

  Speaking of Disney, the SJW force is strong with the Last Jedi. Did anyone else find it kind of odd that almost all of the Resistance's commanding officers are human females? Normally this wouldn't bother me too much if it weren't for one character: Vice Admiral Holdo, played by Laura Dern. This purple-haired (seriously), t-shirt dress-clad character looks like she belongs in some sort of coming-of-age drama, not an action movie like Star Wars. She doesn't even have a badass English accent to lend her role some gravitas. I miss Mon Mothma.

  The rest of the characters are a mixed bag. Some, like Supreme Leader Snoke and Rose Tico are dull and not so interesting. However we do get to learn a lot more about Kylo Ren, perhaps the most engaging figure in this new trilogy. Additionally Mark Hamill's performance as Luke Skywalker is much more intense and nuanced than you may expect.

  The visuals of The Last Jedi are also of varying quality. There's a bunch of good-looking shots. The set design is top-notch and includes a lot of splashes of red. But remember in my Force Awakens review when I claimed that the promise of more practical effects over CG effects was a lie? I stand by that, and things on the FX front haven't changed much in TLJ. While the CG isn't bad (except on animals), some authentic tangibleness would be more greatly appreciated.

  In conclusion, The Last Jedi isn't a bad film; the fight scenes are excellent, the scoring is nice, and some of the characters are stimulating enough. Unfortunately the plot is an undercooked mess and the lack of originality is staggering. I fully understand why TLJ is getting so much hate from the fandom, but when considering the film's tone and presentation I'm beginning to think that this sequel trilogy is a set of Star Wars films that was simply made for a different type of audience in mind.

But at least we got to see where green milk comes from.

Grade:

The Real Deal -- Star Wars Ep. II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

  Welcome to another new segment I'm debuting today called “The Real Deal”, a series in which I look at movies that are even worse than people say. So to contrast with last week's defence of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, I'm going to spotlight the terribleness of its sequel, Attack of the Clones.

  Now just as I did with TPM, I'm going to preface this by listing all the things that I must concede about AOTC. For starters, there's less of Jar Jar Binks. That alone should earn a sigh of relief from Star Wars fans. Instead we're treated to Jango Fett, Boba Fett's slightly more competent father. Jango's pretty cool. He's got a cool character design, a couple cool action scenes, and he's got the cool voice of Temuera Morrison. And speaking of cool voices, this film has Christopher Lee as the mysterious Count Dooku. Too bad his character is underutilized. It's also a treat to see Ewan McGregor really getting into the role of Obi-Wan. Seeing the clone army being assembled for the first time is a sight to behold. Likewise, I think a small part of everyone's childhood dreams came true seeing dozens and dozens of Jedi knights in action all at once at the Geonosis arena scene. In short, there's enough here to keep Attack of the Clones from being the one of the worst movies ever.

  Nevertheless, it is easily the worst Star Wars film ever (if we're not counting the 1978 Holiday Special). I could talk about all the little things in Episode II that suck – the bumbling droid humour, Boba Fett being reduced to the status of clone, or the fact that Jango Fett really sucks when it comes to killing Padme – but no, we're going to talk about all the major problems behind this stinker.

  In stark contrast to TPM, AOTC throws practical effects completely out the window! Computer-generated effects are freakin' everywhere and as a result things look too plastic and weightless. And it looks terrible. The battle of Geonosis, the first time we see the clone army in action, is an eyesore. Saturday-morning-cartoonish looking CG clones and droids – seriously, they couldn't be bothered to make up just a handful of clone trooper outfits and put some actors in them? – clash in a nutmeg-sandstorm with bright blobs of energy bolts flashing all over the place. Even Yoda hasn't been spared this curse, having done away with the neat animatronics that brought him to life in TPM.

  One of the most noticeable problems of Attack of the Clones is that its main character, Anakin Skywalker... sucks. I tried thinking of one word that could sum up his faults, but so numerous were they that the word “sucks” was all I could think of. For starters, he is extremely whiny. He complains about stuff all the time: about why he's not a not a Jedi Knight yet, about how his master Obi-Wan is too harsh and is just holding him back, about how he needs to go to Tatooine and find his mommy, about how he wants the transport to land so he can pick up his love interest (instead of waiting just five minutes and possibly ending a war in the process), about how he wants to duel Count Dooku alone. Just shut up already! And all this is given the Hayden Christensen treatment with a high-pitched whine that also has a very wooden delivery to it. Though to be fair, he wasn't given much direction.

  Anakin's suckitude is really brought to bear in what is probably the worst romance I've ever seen in a movie. This romance between Anakin and Padme Amidala – the parents of Luke and Leia – has no chemistry whatsoever. Awkward, creepy Anakin comes off as some weirdo who's been spending the way too much time lusting over a pair of panties he stole from Padme a decade ago. Every rejection Padme initially makes towards his advances feels genuine. When she finally gives in and kisses him, it comes out of nowhere, as if she's kissing a dude who just ran over her dog with his car. It doesn't feel right, man! Actually, the truth is even worse. She still hooks up with the guy even after he admits to slaughtering a whole camp full of Tuskens, females, kids, and all. Padme sure knows how to pick 'em doesn't she?

  This horrible love affair is thanks in large part to the film's horrendous dialogue. Few lines in Attack of the Clones sound natural. For example, when Anakin confesses his aforementioned foray into mini genocide, Padme responds with, “to be angry is to be human.” Oh really!? He just slaughtered a whole village and her response is basically just, “Oh well. I don't blame you.” And let's not get started on Anakin's infamous sand diatribe. Most sentences sound very stiff. The language is strictly utilitarian, only serving to announce things that are happening.

  And that brings me to the biggest problem of them all: Attack of the Clones is extremely boring! There are twice as many long talking scenes as TPM, the plot is convoluted and dull, and the whole film is far longer than it has any right to be. Unlike TPM, AOTC has very few standout moments that are worth remembering. It all blends into a great big boring monstrosity.

  One time when I was about eleven years-old I was at a friend's house. This guy was a big Star Wars fan and he wanted me to watch his VHS copy of Episode II with him. Within the first half hour I was already on the other side of the room playing Hot Wheels. I think that says all you need to know about Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. While it's not a horrendously bad movie, there are still much better things you could be doing with your time. Worst Star Wars ever.

In Defence of Star Wars Ep. I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

  Happy Saturday, folks. Today is the first of a new segment on Anachronarchy called In Defence of... This is a series of articles in which I come to the defence of movies that I think aren't quite as bad as everybody makes them out to be. For the series' inaugural airing we'll be looking at Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999).

  And before I start, let me make one thing clear: I don't think The Phantom Menace is a good movie. It has tons of things wrong with it and everybody's talked about it to death. Jar Jar is annoying and unfunny and only there to sell toys. Anakin is awkwardly written and just as awkwardly acted by Jake Lloyd. (This is the kid who grows up to become Darth Vader?) Anakin's connection to C-3PO is wholly pointless. There's too much exposition and long, boring scenes of talking. Which one of these people is supposed to be the main character? And what the hell is Samuel L. Jackson doing here?

These are all legitimate points, but in spite of them I still think Star Wars Episode I is an OK movie. While it may not be the best written or the best acted it is filled with a wonderful amount of imagination and is good for some mindless escapist entertainment.

  If nothing else, one has to acknowledge that this movie has some wonderful visual designs. The way the droid army looks and moves is impressive stuff. Whether it's the droidekas that fold up into balls to roll around or the vulture droid starfighters that can walk around on their wings, one can safely proclaim the idea of an army made up entirely of machines to be a good one. Likewise, the aliens of Star Wars look just as interesting and convincing as ever. This was when George Lucas still bothered with makeup and animatronics instead of just recklessly splurging CG effects all over the place as he did with Episodes II and III. The respectable amount of practical effects they stuck with on Episode I lends more believability to that movie's aliens and environments (that is until animatronic Yoda was replaced with crappy CG in TPM's rerelease).

  It's quite clear that The Phantom Menace was a sprawling production with tons of hard work put into it from the costumes and sets to the choreography and the excellent scoring by John Williams. By today's runaway blockbuster standards it's hard to believe that the film was made for only $115 million.

  While TPM doesn't have the best of plots, it certainly makes up for it in the action department. While not exactly having much to do with the plot directly, the pod race scene was a thrilling distraction. The final lightsaber duel with Darth Maul at the end is – in my opinion – the best in the whole series. That fight's combination of great speed, fine choreography, dramatic scoring, and ingenious pacing makes it real treat to watch over and over again. Even Jar Jar Binks, as obnoxious and despised as he is, was genuinely amusing during the battle scene in which he wreaks havok on the droids through his own sheer ineptitude.

  All these factors – combined with the compelling performances of Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor – make The Phantom Menace far from the unwatchable piece of garbage many people today proclaim it to be. As mentioned above, it has its problems but it is still a somewhat competently made film capable of entertaining.

  So why, then, do people call it trash? Could it be that since it was merely an OK movie and not a great movie that it was the victim of impossibly high expectations? Or is it that, since TPM was still two films removed from the original trilogy and by the end it didn't connect much to them, that the film just felt unnecessary once the end credits started rolling? Personally, I think the reason the Star Wars prequel trilogy is hated so much is because it focuses too much on setting up the original trilogy and not enough on telling compelling stories of its own.

  Speaking of which... tune in next week. You'll see.

Movie Review - Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

   Rogue One: time for another Star Wars movie, apparently. The times between Star Wars film releases is ever-shortening and the money train is simply not allowed to stop on this nearly 40-year-old intellectual property workhorse. Well as long as the films are good then it can't be that big a deal, right?

   Director Gareth Edwards understood this sentiment all too well and decided to take Rogue One in a very different direction than the other Star Wars films. From the very get go – omitting an opening text crawl, jettisoning the familiar Star Wars theme song, and including location title cards – it's clear that Rogue One very much goes for its own style. Classic Star Wars musical themes are used very sparingly, and composer Michael Giaccino creates different sounds in his music using non-orchestral elements. Most importantly, the film's tone is more gritty and hardcore than the other films, incorporating more serious, tragic, and desperate moments. This makes sense, seeing as how Rogue One plays more like an espionage action/thriller and less like the action/adventures we're used to seeing in this series; it feels closer in tone to 2014's Captain America: Winter Soldier than it does last year's The Force Awakens. And while I'm sure that some Star Wars fans won't be open-minded enough to enjoy it, I think that these are good changes. As the first standalone film in the series, not bound by the Skywalker-Force saga, this movie has the freedom to be what it wants, the opportunity to do something different. And I commend it.

   If you didn't know, the story takes place immediately before Episode IV and follows Jyn Erso, who finds herself thrust into the Rebel Alliance to track down her father who has been pressganged into designing a new superweapon for the Empire. It's no secret that the movie details the attempts to steal the Death Star plans and though you might already know how the movie will end, but it's still a treat to see, full of interesting new locations as well as a few neat references to the original trilogy (blue milk!!!!). The first two acts might seem a bit slow to some viewers, but the third act more than makes up for this with all of its big action moments and thrills that you'd expect from a Star Wars film.

   The acting is fine. Felicity Jones (Jyn Erso), Ben Mendelsohn (Director Orson Krennic), Mads Mikkelsen (Galen Erso), and Riz Ahmed (Bodhi Rook) are the standout performers in this one. What's also cool is how Peter Cushing is seemingly brought back from the dead through exceptional digital effects to once again become Grand Moff Tarkin. Lastly, while Darth Vader isn't on screen for long he does leave a strong impression; his scenes are intense. The characters aren't terribly compelling (aside from Jyn Erso), but they're still fun to watch.

   Lastly, the special effects are really on point in Rogue One, perhaps even more so than any other Star Wars film yet. This is especially apparent with the shots of star ships and other large vehicles which is helped by Edwards' keen eye for scaling (see 2014's Godzilla); the ships look so real! Still, some of the alien species don't look all that convincing which is something I don't think CG effects have ever been very good at.

   And that's Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. A fine action movie that tells a different type of story than the rest of the films by delving into the series' mythology. If I had to compare this to last year's The Force Awakens, I think I'd slightly prefer this movie, mostly because it treads new ground and has a more original plot (whereas TFA more or less felt like a remake of A New Hope). Rogue One is the atypical Star Wars flick which I'm sure will turn off some viewers, but if you go into it with an open mind you'll find that there's plenty to enjoy here.

Grade: four out of five.

Artwork: Happy Star Wars Day

So it is now the break in between semesters, and as I often do I chilled out and relaxed by doing some drawing. (Remember way back in my introduction to Anachronarchy I mentioned that I would be posting original artwork? I guess I'd better start doing that!) This time it was a drawing of some Imperial Stormtroopers. It wasn't until I was nearly finished that I realized that it was close to Star Wars Day. So consider this my holiday greetings to you all.
As you can see, the thing was done in three stages. First: the penciling, the part that takes the longest. Second: the inking, probably the easiest part. Then third: the colours. Unfortunately, colouring is not my forte; I think it looks better without the colours, which is why I've decided to post all three versions here. In total, this drawing took me 11 hours to complete, which is average for something of this complexity. Enjoy.

Movie Review – Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Here it is! A Star Wars movie from a different director, following a different set of heroes, set in a different time period of that galaxy far, far away. The whole world's been actively anticipating the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, setting records for ticket pre-sales (apparently the thing has already earned back its budget after just one day!) But is it the grand adventure that we've all hoped for?

YES! YES! What we have here is a post-1983 Star Wars movie that's done (mostly) right. Taking place around 30 years after Return of the Jedi, The Force Awakens sees the New Galactic Republic at (never-ending) war with itself as the Empire's remnants – the First Order – still control many star systems, many of which are fighting back under the banner of the Resistance, led by Leia Organa. Both sides are also desperately trying to find Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi. This is a story that is very similar Episode IV: A New Hope in that it takes you to various different locations and includes a variety of characters with different backgrounds and motives. It's a very fun and energetic ride which some might consider too derivative – I mean how many movies can one make about a band of rebel fighters defeating a giant planet-destroying battle station by exploiting its one glaring, self-destructive design flaw? – yet it still holds a lot of potential for new stories.

As was the case with A New Hope, our cast of main characters is made up of a bunch of lesser-known actors, but they each do extremely well: especially John Boyega as Finn and Daisy Ridley as Rey. These two characters in particular are truly interesting and complex and I look forward to seeing more of them in the sequels. Of course the old cast of our childhood heroes is back, including Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Peter Mayhew, and Anthony Daniels. There's also Carrie Fisher back as Leia, who I guess took up smoking since Return of the Jedi, since her voice sounds so weird. Maybe it's the stress of leading so many insurrections and the fact that Luke was lying when he said he'd show her how to use the Force.

The one character I didn't like (and the film's biggest problem) was the main villain, Kylo Ren. He's supposed to be this tortured soul who's at odds with himself, but he kind of comes off as a whiny, angsty teenager who throws temper tantrums. Also, could they have possibly picked an actor with a less intimidating face to play him? Cool voice, though.

Director JJ Abrams really knows his stuff. In addition to getting the best out of his actors, he treats us to some well-timed comedy and some exciting cinematography. However one thing that was really disappointing was that The Force Awakens doesn't make as much use of practical effects as you might have been led to believe. It's still very CG-heavy, but at least the CG is a bit better than it was in Revenge of the Sith from 2005. A lot of the classic sound effects have been changed, but I guess that's not really a big deal. What is a big deal is that John Williams is back with another great score, which draws less on the classic themes that we're all familiar with and tries more to establish its own.

In addition to having a similar plot, TFA also has a lot of references to ANH. Some of them are delightful, others are kind of dumb. The lightsaber duels this time around are great. Unlike the ones from the prequel trilogy, they go for a less choreographed/rehearsed spectacle look and more for a natural/spontaneous feel like those of the original trilogy.

One last concern I have is that since there's once again a great evil in the galaxy that needs to be confronted, does that mean that the mythos of the previous six Star Wars films is nullified? What happened to the whole “ Chosen One (Anakin) will bring balance to the force” thing?

Oh well, I only nitpick because I care. Overall, Star Wars: The Force Awakens is a spectacular adventure for moviegoers of all ages. If you're a Star Wars fan... who am I kidding? You've already seen it. If you're not a Star Wars fan but you're slightly interested, then go watch it. The Force is strong with this one!

Rating: four out of five.

Star Wars Highs and Lows

There's a new Star Wars coming out! Isn't that rad? And it looks like it's going to be so cool. I'm pumped; I've got my opening night tickets ready to go, so expect my review of it to be up very shortly. Until then I've been going back and watching and admiring a lot of the previous films (mostly the original trilogy). When I was a teenager, I was a pretty big fan of the Star Wars series, especially since the prequel trilogy really brought the franchise to life just as I was coming of age. So to celebrate, I've compiled a list of the highs and lows of the Star Wars series just as I did for the James Bond series last month. Just note that obviously since I haven't seen Episode VII yet, nothing from that film will be included on this list. So here we go:

Best Movie: A New Hope (1977)

Worst Movie: Attack of the Clones (2002)

Most Action-Packed Movie: Revenge of the Sith (2005)

Best Actor: Ian McDiarmid as Palpatine (episodes I, II, III, VI, and later V)

Worst Actor: Jake Lloyd as Anakin Skywalker (The Phantom Menace, 1999)

Most Puzzling Choice of Actor: Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu? (episodes I, II, III)

Best Jedi: Obi-Wan Kenobi (all episodes)

Best Villain: Darth Vader (episodes III, IV, V, VI)

Best Villain Besides Darth Vader: Palpatine (episodes I, II, III, VI, and later V)

Best Villain Besides Darth Vader or Palpatine: Darth Maul (from TPM)

Least-Cool Villain: General Grievous (from ROTS)

Best Non-human Character: Chewbacca (episodes III, IV, V, VI)

Best Droid Character: C-3PO (all episodes)

Best Soundtrack: A New Hope

Best Opening Scene: Revenge of the Sith

Lamest Opening Scene: Attack of the Clones

Dumbest Moment: The awkward, cringe-worthy romance in Attack of the Clones

Funniest Moment: Yoda trying to steal Luke's stuff (from The Empire Strikes Back, 1980)

Most Pointless Moment: As a child, Anakin built C-3PO (TPM)

Worst Special Edition Alteration: Tie: Removing the Ewok victory song or CG-ing Jabba's singers (both from Return of the Jedi, 1983)

Most Hilarious Non-English Speaker: Nien Nunb (ROTJ)

Most Brutal Death: General Grevious (from ROTS)

Most Intense Lightsaber Duel: Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi vs. Darth Maul (from TPM)

Best Battle Scene: Hoth (TESB)

Best Special Effects: Return of the Jedi

Worst Special Effects: Attack of the Clones

Coolest Ground Vehicle: AT-AT walker

Coolest Space Vehicle: Vader's TIE fighter

Most Interesting Planet: Tattooine

Dumbest Line: “I don't like sand...” (Anakin, AOTC)
Who Shot First? Han. No argument on this point.