All Songs, Best to Worst: Cream

There have been a lot of great rock supergroups over the years, but none of them quite measure up to the high standard established by the first successful supergroup, Cream. The number of bands and artists that have drawn influence from Cream defies quantification. Their soothing, exciting, unorthodox blend of blues and psychedelic rock created a wonderful sound that was often imitated but never duplicated. It also helps that each of its three members – guitarist Eric Clapton, bassist Jack Bruce, and drummer Ginger Baker – were masters of their respective instruments, giving the band a unique talent for free-form instrumental jams. They're a band that I listen to constantly, so to round off this second trilogy of every song countdowns is my list of all of Cream's 34 songs from best to worst. This list includes all of their studio songs from their four albums. The live songs form those albums don't count.

1. “Sunshine of Your Love”, Disraeli Gears (1967)

2. “Toad”, Fresh Cream (1966)

3. “White Room”, Wheels of Fire (1968)

4. “Strange Brew”, DG

5. “Spoonful”, FC

6. “I Feel Free”, FC

7. “Tales of Brave Ulysses”, DG

8. “Sitting on Top of the World”, WoF

9. “Sweet Wine”, FC

10. “NSU”, FC

11. “World of Pain”, DG

12. “We're Going Wrong”, DG

13. “Deserted Cities of the Heart”, WoF

14. “Cat's Squirrel”, FC

15. “Born Under a Bad Sign”, WoF

16. “Dance the Night Away”, DG

17. “Outside Woman Blues”, DG

18. “Those Were the Days”, WoF

19. “Dreaming”, FC

20. “Rollin' and Tumblin'”, FC

21. “Four Until Late”, FC

22. “What a Bringdown”, Goodbye (1969)

23. “Sleepy Time” FC

24. “Blue Condition”, DG

25. “Pressed Rat and Warthog”, WoF

26. “Politician”, WoF

27. “Badge”, G

28. “I'm So Glad”, FC

29. “Take It Back”, DG

30. “As You Said”, WoF

31. “Passing the Time”, WoF

32. “Anyone for Tennis”, G

33. “Mother's Lament”, DG

34. “Doing that Scrapyard Thing”, G

Movie Review - Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

   Rogue One: time for another Star Wars movie, apparently. The times between Star Wars film releases is ever-shortening and the money train is simply not allowed to stop on this nearly 40-year-old intellectual property workhorse. Well as long as the films are good then it can't be that big a deal, right?

   Director Gareth Edwards understood this sentiment all too well and decided to take Rogue One in a very different direction than the other Star Wars films. From the very get go – omitting an opening text crawl, jettisoning the familiar Star Wars theme song, and including location title cards – it's clear that Rogue One very much goes for its own style. Classic Star Wars musical themes are used very sparingly, and composer Michael Giaccino creates different sounds in his music using non-orchestral elements. Most importantly, the film's tone is more gritty and hardcore than the other films, incorporating more serious, tragic, and desperate moments. This makes sense, seeing as how Rogue One plays more like an espionage action/thriller and less like the action/adventures we're used to seeing in this series; it feels closer in tone to 2014's Captain America: Winter Soldier than it does last year's The Force Awakens. And while I'm sure that some Star Wars fans won't be open-minded enough to enjoy it, I think that these are good changes. As the first standalone film in the series, not bound by the Skywalker-Force saga, this movie has the freedom to be what it wants, the opportunity to do something different. And I commend it.

   If you didn't know, the story takes place immediately before Episode IV and follows Jyn Erso, who finds herself thrust into the Rebel Alliance to track down her father who has been pressganged into designing a new superweapon for the Empire. It's no secret that the movie details the attempts to steal the Death Star plans and though you might already know how the movie will end, but it's still a treat to see, full of interesting new locations as well as a few neat references to the original trilogy (blue milk!!!!). The first two acts might seem a bit slow to some viewers, but the third act more than makes up for this with all of its big action moments and thrills that you'd expect from a Star Wars film.

   The acting is fine. Felicity Jones (Jyn Erso), Ben Mendelsohn (Director Orson Krennic), Mads Mikkelsen (Galen Erso), and Riz Ahmed (Bodhi Rook) are the standout performers in this one. What's also cool is how Peter Cushing is seemingly brought back from the dead through exceptional digital effects to once again become Grand Moff Tarkin. Lastly, while Darth Vader isn't on screen for long he does leave a strong impression; his scenes are intense. The characters aren't terribly compelling (aside from Jyn Erso), but they're still fun to watch.

   Lastly, the special effects are really on point in Rogue One, perhaps even more so than any other Star Wars film yet. This is especially apparent with the shots of star ships and other large vehicles which is helped by Edwards' keen eye for scaling (see 2014's Godzilla); the ships look so real! Still, some of the alien species don't look all that convincing which is something I don't think CG effects have ever been very good at.

   And that's Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. A fine action movie that tells a different type of story than the rest of the films by delving into the series' mythology. If I had to compare this to last year's The Force Awakens, I think I'd slightly prefer this movie, mostly because it treads new ground and has a more original plot (whereas TFA more or less felt like a remake of A New Hope). Rogue One is the atypical Star Wars flick which I'm sure will turn off some viewers, but if you go into it with an open mind you'll find that there's plenty to enjoy here.

Grade: four out of five.

The Problem with Santa Claus in "Real World" Christmas Movies

   The holiday season is definitely one of my favourite times of the year. Eating good food, relaxing with family, watching Christmas movies... and nitpicking them. Obviously there's a lot of Christmas movies out there and it seems that a good chunk of them have the exact same plot: in a "real" world where people are indifferent towards Santa Claus' existence, one kid discovers that he is very real and must stay true to him/herself in order to continue believing that jolly old St. Nick really exists/proving his existence to the adults.
   "So what's the problem with these movies?" you might be thinking. Think about it, man. The parents are convinced that Santa Claus isn't real. Santa leaves presents behind. On Christmas morning children open up gifts that have Santa's name on it. Why don't the parents ever question this?! Do they not notice the mysterious gifts for their kids that just appeared under their tree out of nowhere? Or do they have terrible memories and can't remember what exactly they got for their kids and just assume that they bought it themselves? Or is there an even more sinister conspiracy behind all this? Maybe the parents so blindingly despise Father Christmas so much that they refuse to acknowledge his existence even in the face of tangible evidence: those anti-Santites.
   Look, I know that movies continuously do the whole "real world, but with Santa" thing all the time in order to set up a whimsical-yet-somewhat-grounded tone that eases the audience into it. But a recurring flaw this glaring simply cannot be ignored. I discovered this problem when I was about nine years old and I can't be the only one to have figured this out. And once you do learn of this plot hole it breaks so many movies, some of which I like very much: The Santa Clause series (1994-2006), Earnest Saves Christmas (1988), Elf (2003), The Polar Express (2004). The list goes on. Even the beloved classic Miracle on 34th Street (1947) is ravaged by this logical failure.
   One explanation I've thought of is that maybe in these movies, Santa only visits the houses of people who believe in him. But even at that, the evidence of presents would surely be seen by non-believers at one point or another. And the parents of the believing kids don't always seem that convinced themselves.
   Oh well. I only nitpick because I care. Personally I slightly prefer Christmas movies that do away with old Chris Kringle: movies like A Christmas Carol (1951), Joyeux Noel (2005), A Christmas Story (1983), Christmas Vacation (1988), It's A Wonderful Life (1946), A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965), and, of course, Die Hard (1988). But that's just me. Christmas can mean many things to many people, so watch whatever movies you like. Eat some tasty food. Have fun with your friends and family. And have a very Merry Christmas, my friends.

All Songs, Best to Worst: Black Sabbath (Original Lineup)

   A legendary, grim, hulking mololith of power and doom which appears every so often when the planets align: this is the perfect way to describe the original line-up of Black Sabbath, the fathers of heavy metal music. People love to have the debate about who exactly invented the genre, with some attributing it to Led Zeppelin, others to bands such as Blue Cheer or Cream. While there were certainly many bands that produced hard rock, Black Sabbath was much different. They down-tune their guitars, they slightly eased the pace (sometimes), and most importantly they included dark and serious subject matter into their lyrics. With Tony Iommi's incredible riff-writing ability and Ozzy Osbourne's crazed energy, the band embodied a spirit of mystery, unorthodoxy, and raw power. The number of bands that wouldn't exist had it not been for Black Sabbath undoubtedly number in the thousands.

   For me, the original line-up of Black Sabbath is one of those bands whom I would genuinely feel excited about upon picking up one of their albums for the first time. I almost crapped myself when I heard that 3/4 of the original members were getting together to record a new album in 2013, during my lifetime! While I do enjoy the Ronnie James Dio era of Sabbath, their best years were the Ozzy years, no doubt. I'll listen to any one of those nine albums any time. So today, let's pay tribute to one of the all-time greats and rank all 72 of original Black Sabbath's songs. This list will include songs from their debut album (1970) all the way to Never Say Die! (1978), and will also include 2013's 13. Sorry, no live albums. Let's go!

1. “Iron Man”, Paranoid (1970)

2. “Black Sabbath”, Black Sabbath (1970)

3. “War Pigs”, Prnd

4. “Children of the Grave”, Master of Reality (1971)

5. “Paranoid”, Prnd

6. “Symptom of the Universe”, Sabotage (1975)

7. “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath”, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath (1973)

8. “Wasp/Behind the Wall of Sleep/Bassically/N.I.B.”, BS

9. “Electric Funeral”, Prnd

10. “End of the Beginning”, 13 (2013)

11. “Hand of Doom”, Prnd

12. “Snowblind”, Vol. 4 (1972)

13. “Supernaut”, V4

14. “A National Acrobat”, SBS

15. “Sweet Leaf”, MoR

16. “The Wizard”, BS

17. “The Thrill of it All”, Sbtg

18. “Lord of This World”, MoR

19. “Wicked World”, BS

20. “Cornucopia”, V4

21. “Planet Caravan”, Prnd

22. “A Bit of Finger/Sleeping Village/Warning”, BS

23. “Age of Reason”, 13

24. “Sabbra Cadabra”, SBS

25. “After Forever”, MoR

26. “Hard Road”, Never Say Die! (1978)

27. “Solitude”, MoR

28. “You Won't Change Me”, Technical Ecstasy (1976)

29. “Killing Yourself to Live”, SBS

30. “Rat Salad”, Prnd

31. “Megalomania”, Sbtg

32. “Loner”, 13

33. “Johnny Blade”, NSD

34. “Hole in the Sky”, Sbtg

35. “Live Forever”, 13

36. “Into the Void”, MoR

37. “Fairies Wear Boots”, Prnd

38. “Under the Sun/Every Day Comes and Goes”, V4

39. “Supertzar”, Sbtg

40. “Looking For Today”, SBS

41. “Wheels of Confusion/The Straightener”, V4

42. “Tomorrow's Dreams”, V4

43. “Dirty Women”, TE

44. “Rock N' Roll Doctor”, TE

45. “Back Street Kids”, TE

46. “St. Vitus' Dance”, V4

47. “Over to You”, NSD

48. “Air Dance”, NSD

49. “The Writ”, Sbtg

50. “Dear Father”, 13

51. “Zeitgeist”, 13

52. “She's Gone”, TE

53. “Damaged Soul”, 13

54. “All Moving Parts (Stand Still)”, TE

55. “Never Say Die”, NSD

56. “Swinging the Chain”, NSD

57. “Spiral Architect”, SBS

58. “Embryo”, MoR

59. “Junior's Eyes”, NSD

60. “Breakout”, NSD

61. “Shock Wave”, NSD

62. “Fluff”, SBS

63. “Laguna Sunrise”, V4

64. “God Is Dead?”, 13

65. “Who Are You?”, Sbtg

66. “Gypsy”, TE

67. “Am I Going Insane? (Radio)”, Sbtg

68. “Don't Start (Too Late)”, Sbtg

69. “Orchid”, MoR

70. “FX”, V4

71. “It's Alright”, TE

72. “Changes”, V4

Movie Review - Doctor Strange

   Doctor Strange: a movie that very much lives up to its title. It's a weird sort of film, probably amazing if you're stoned. Despite not being a remake of the 1978 made-for-television film, is it worth viewing?...Even though this review is extremely late and you've probably already made up your mind? Sorry, 'bout dat.

   Meet Dr. Stephen Strange: brilliant neurosurgeon, all-round douche bag, terrible driver. When a car accident ruins his hands, he loses his ability to do his job, his raison d'etre. But when he runs into the Ancient One and her band of mystics, he discovers a greater power – and danger – than he had ever known before. Overall, it's another origin story plot with many similarities to 2011's Thor, with several scenes that feel like Harry Potter mashed together with Inception. So yeah, Doctor Strange isn't exactly the most original movie to come out this year. I do like how the magic they use in the movies has rules and specific properties and that the sorcerers can't just do whatever they want (a major turn-off for me with movies about magic). It's just too bad that the final battle scene is somewhat anti-climatic, even silly.

   Doctor Strange is filled with some good characters. Benedict Cumberlatch is excellent in the lead role. By the film's final act, his Stephen Strange becomes a very likeable character you'll want to see again (hopefully in a more exciting film than this). It seems a shame he isn't allowed to do his natural voice for this role, but his American accent is pretty good. Tilda Swinton is excellent as the Ancient One. Mads Mikkelsen is alright as the villain Kaecilius even though his character isn't as developed and his makeup looks kind of silly. There's also some fun side characters like Mordo and Wong.

   One of the first things you'll notice about this movie is its dazzling special effects. If you've ever wanted to see Manhattan shuffled around in pieces like a Rubik's Cube, then this is for you. But there were a few production choices I found to be annoying. Like the handheld/shaky camera used during a few conversation scenes for seemingly no reason (especially irritating if you're watching the 3-D version like I was). There's also a couple scenes involving spiritual/mystic technobabble that struggle to hold your attention; even the actors didn't seem much interested in what they were saying. I think a more capable director might've been able to shape these elements more coherently. Instead this ship's captain is Scott Derrickson, a director known mostly for mediocre horror films. This project is of a noticeably higher calibre. At least he's trying something different.

   And that's Doctor Strange: a by-the-numbers superhero origin story which nevertheless manages to be charming and entertaining. The acting is nice, some of the jokes are pretty good, and the action is decent. If you saw it already... good for you. If you didn't, then maybe try giving it a second thought.

Grade: three and a half out of five.

All Songs, Best to Worst: The Police

It's time to bring back the series that I started this past August: ranking an artist's every recorded song from best to worst. This time we're taking a look at The Police. What can I say about The Police that hasn't already been said? They're one of the greatest and most commercially successful rock bands ever. Everybody loves them. The debate about which of their five albums was best still rages on. You can barely go through one day without hearing at least one of their songs, even though they split up back in the mid-1980's. They came of age during the punk era, but added reggae to their style and presented it in a tight, easily digestible pop-rock package. The Police released five albums between 1978 and 1983. They're all great albums and they're pretty easy to find. For this list list I'm including every song from those five albums, nothing more, nothing less. Also, this is just my personal take on things; feel free to disagree. So join me as we count down all of The Police's 53 songs, from best to worst.

1. “Walking on the Moon”, Regatta de Blanc (1979)

2. “Don't Stand So Close to Me”, Zenyatta Mondatta (1980)

3. “Message in a Bottle”, RdB

4. “Every Breath You Take”, Synchronicity (1983)

5. “Next to You”, Outlandos d'Amour (1978)

6. “Roxanne”, OdA

7. “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic”, Ghost in the Machine (1981)

8. “Can't Stand Losing You”, OdA

9. “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da”, ZM

10. “Synchronicity II”, Sy

11. “Wrapped Around Your Finger”, Sy

12. “Invisible Sun”, GitM

13. “So Lonely”, OdA

14. “Hole in My Life”, OdA

15. “Driven To Tears”, ZM

16. “It's Alright for You”, RdB

17. “When the World is Running Down, You Make the Best of What's Still Around”, ZM

18. “Bring On the Night”, RdB

19. “Synchronicity I”, Sy

20. “Bombs Away”, ZM

21. “Truth Hits Everybody”, OdA

22. “The Bed's Too Big Without You”, RdB

23. “One World (Not Three)”, GitM

24. “Spirits in the Material World”, GitM

25. “Omegaman”, GitM

26. “Secret Journey”, GitM

27. “The Other Way of Stopping”, ZM

28. “Walking in Your Footsteps”, Sy

29. “Hungry for You”, GitM

30. “Murder by Numbers”, Sy

31. “Peanuts”, OdA

32. “Regatta de Blanc”, RdB

33. “Does Everyone Stare?”, TdB

34. “Shadows in the Rain”, ZM

35. “Darkness”, GitM

36. “Oh My God”, Sy

37. “Miss Gradenko”, Sy

38. “King of Pain”, Sy

39. “No Time This Time”, RdB

40. “Contact”, RdB

41. “Tea in the Sahara”, Sy

42. “Canary in a Coalmine”, ZM

43. “On Any Other Day”, RdB

44. “Demolition Man”, GitM

45. “Man in a Suitcase”, ZM

46. “Rehumanize Yourself”, GitM

47. “Born in the '50's”, OdA

48. “Masoko Tanga”, OdA

49. “Voices Inside My Head”, ZM

50. “Deathwish”, RdB

51. “Be My Girl – Sally”, OdA

52. “Behind My Camel”, ZM

53. “Mother”, Sy

Top 20 Best Movies I've Ever Seen - Part 2

10. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

For decades war films had taken the form of heroic tales of exciting, virtuous adventures and flattering depictions of easily-identifiable goodguys. It wasn't until the 1980's and 90's that Hollywood took a grittier and more realistic approach to portraying warfare for a mass audience. Perhaps due to the unpopularity of the particular conflict they depicted, Vietnam War movies like The Deer Hunter (1978), Platoon (1986), and Born on the Fourth of July (1989) led the way. The Second World War didn't receive the tragic, “hell on earth” treatment until movies like Saving Private Ryan came along. Simply speaking, this movie was a game-changer amongst war films. The unflinching violence, the brutal subjective camera, and the sometimes ambiguous morality of it all are now genre tropes. But back in the day, this was shocking stuff. Today the film is still held up by outstanding set design, a moving John Williams score, and some spot-on acting, especially from Tom Hanks. Well done, soldier.

9. Paths of Glory (1957)

Paths of Glory may be one of Stanley Kubrick's more underrated films, but upon watching it is clear that it stands abreast of the rest of his great work. Maybe its status as an early anti-war film which brought it a great amount of controversy in its time is the reason why it doesn't have the attention it deserves today. In any case, it serves as a great example of how institutionalized nationalism and patriotism can become a ravenous, self-destructive force. In this example, it takes the form of a witch hunt: three seemingly random French troops are being court-martialed for cowardice after their regiment failed to capture the heavily fortified “Ant Hill” in what was basically a suicide charge. Kirk Douglas gives a most impassioned performance as Colonel Dax, the officer who has chosen to defend the three. Throughout the film are great examples of Kubrick's eye for framing and camera movement: too many to list here. Just watch it, you'll see what I'm talking about.

8. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

This is an epic movie. This should be one of the fist movies that comes to mind when you hear the term “epic movie”. Not only does it have outstanding production designs, stunning cinematography, an iconic theme song, and an impressive scope, but it also has real drama in which you can't help but feel invested. Peter O'Toole does an impeccable job of portraying a man dealing with several different struggles at once: to liberate Arabia from Ottoman rule, to learn how to be a proper leader, to unite the Arab tribes into one cohesive nation, to find his own identity, to cope with the war's bloody violence, and to determine his true allegiance. Suffice it to say, T.E. Lawrence is one of the most complex and fascinating characters in movie history. If you're even a slight fan of old movies, you'd be doing yourself a disservice by not watching this classic.

7. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966)

Face it: you're probably humming that theme song to yourself already. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly is one of the most iconic movies ever made. And it's certainly one of the coolest. Words can barely describe the amount of satisfaction and just straight up fun one can have from watching this legendary film. The final entry of Sergio Leone's grand Dollars Trilogy, this flick finds Clint Eastwood playing the Man With No Name in a race to find buried Confederate gold. One problem: he has to team up with his slimy, rotten yet resourceful former partner in crime, Tuco. Played expertly by Eli Wallach, Tuco steals every scene he's in; he's one of those bad guys you love to hate. Rounding out the titular trio is Lee Van Cleef as the ruthless bounty hunter Angel Eyes. Add to this Ennio Moricone's classic score and Leone's oh-so-stylish direction, and it's no wonder why so many people consider this the best western ever made. It's certainly got my vote.

6. All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)

Come to think of it, this might just be the oldest feature length film I've ever seen. Despite the old-school acting style on display, it doesn't always feel like it. For its time, All Quiet on the Western Front showcased sophisticated camerawork and set piece battle scenes. They really went all in, possibly making this the first epic war movie ever made. The novel All Quiet on the Western Front just happens to be one of my favourite books and I can say that this film is very faithful in recreating the story of a group of young men who are forever changed by their experiences in WWI. It's an intense movie that doesn't shy away from distressing subjects. It's a film that has aged well, hauntingly relevant for all generations.

5. The Godfather (1972)

Mhm. Sorry to be predictable, but The Godfather really is one of the best ever. There's no denying it. It's got fabulous direction, a timeless score, outstanding performances, and a deep, tragic plot. Everybody who watches movies at all knows about it and holds it in high esteem. So why didn't I rank it at #1? Well simply put, there's a few moments in it that I think are boring. Yeah, I said it. There are a handful of boring scenes in this movie: it seemed the part with Michael in Sicily just would not end! Despite this, The Godfather is an excellent piece of cinematic history. It's just that the next time I watch it I'll make sure to have the skip button handy.

4. Taxi Driver (1976)

King Missile rejoice: I strongly believe that Taxi Driver is Martin Scorsese's strongest work. His direction with this effort is just astounding. The camerawork is so intuitive and organic, panning and following items just as a person's eyes would. (Scorsese also makes one of the greatest director cameo appearances ever in one memorable scene.) New York City's authentic 1970's dirt and sleaze just seems to permeate the screen and engulf the viewer into the film's grimy and corrupt environment. Travis Bickle, portrayed impeccably by Robert De Niro, is one of the most fascinating movie characters of all time. This depressed, lonely, paraniod Vietnam veteran insomniac is so interesting and unpredictable, you can't help but wonder what he's thinking. And that theme song: classic. In short, if you haven't seen Taxi Driver before, then do it. The whole thing is like a feel-good movie gone horribly wrong: it's the anti-feel-good movie.

3. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Stanley Kubrick sure does make a lot of movies about war, which is great because I like watching movies about war. Paths of Glory depicted war as unjust. Full Metal Jacket depicted war as insane. And Dr. Strangelove depicts war as a farce. With the threat of nuclear warfare hanging in the balance, the stakes have never dared to have been so high for a comedy before or since. What's cool about the world of comedy is that there's very few subjects that are taboo. Sometimes the world throws some scary stuff at you, and sometimes the only reasonable thing to do is laugh about it, which is exactly what Dr. Strangelove sets out to do. The film's got an array of memorable characters – the jingoistic Gen. Buck Turgidson (George C. Scott), the exasperated President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), the mad scientist title character (also Sellers), the cowboy bomber pilot Maj. Kong (Slim Pickens), the delusional nationalist Gen. Jack D. Ripper (Sterling Hayden), and the absurdly polite Capt. Lionel Mandrake – all portrayed excellently, bringing on home a manic energy rarely seen in Kubrick's works. Combine this with some iconic set design, some memorable lines, and the director's signature camera techniques and sense of irony and you've got what I think is the greatest comedy movie ever made. And as long as nuclear warfare is just a button-press away, Dr. Strangelove will remain just as relevant as ever.

2. Pulp Fiction (1994)

If you like movies that have a lot of dialogue, then you'll absolutely love Pulp Fiction. This movie's dialogue is so intricate and so natural and so engaging and so memorable, you'll find yourself quoting it for the rest of your life. This film's screenplay – eclectic, episodic, engaging, out of order, and delightfully awkward – very much deserved its Academy Award. It's a very original film without a single dull moment and it certainly stands out amongst all other films before or since. Pulp Fiction, a film about one (well, technically two) day(s) in the life of a bunch of LA lowlifes who espouse their philosophical beliefs to each other, is a fun movie to watch over and over again. This is largely thanks to its abundance of engaging characters. The cynical Vincent Vega (John Travolta), the hot mess Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman), the defiant tough guy Butch (Bruce Willis), mob boss Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames), and the cool Winston Wolfe (Harvey Keitel) all are really neat folks to follow. But by far the best is Jules Winnfield played by Samuel L. Jackson. This talkative, easily-excitable, badass motherf----- is one of the most entertaining movie characters of his generation. His story of redemption is the capstone on this treasure of a film. Go watch it now.

1. Apocalypse Now (1979)

I sure do watch a lot of war films, and without a doubt Apocalypse Now is the very best of them. While it's a movie that doesn't focus too much on actual combat, it does provide an epic journey through war's morality and psychology. Epic: that's the perfect word to describe this film. A hybrid of Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness and Homer's Odyssey, Apocalypse Now's scenes each feel like a struggle against the forces of insanity and pure evil. You can practically feel the weight of each and every bullet fired, and each line spoken feels as if it's leading to something big. Martin Sheen – as Capt. Willard – and Marlon Brando – as Col. Kurtz – each take their characters to extraordinarily dark places in haunting performances viewers won't soon forget. Director Francis Ford Coppola gives it his all on this gorgeous-looking film, lending it a psychedelic, dreamy, myth-like feel. Watching a movie like this will definitely make one understand the mindset of the US soldiers in Vietnam who went to great lengths to remind themselves of home and distract themselves from their loneliness and anxiety. Because as poor Kurtz came to understand, war tends to reveal truths about just how close to the abyss one's soul can wander. One of the film's many unforgettable lines sums this up perfectly: “The horror... the horror.” And this is what makes Apocalypse Now the greatest movie I've ever seen.

Top 20 Best Movies I've Ever Seen - Part 1

I love writing about movies, both from a critical and a personal perspective. Reviewing movies is a fun and engaging way to talk about and appraise both our culture's artistic expression and the worthiness of the various methods by which we entertain ourselves. There are some movies that do both those jobs so conspicuously well, that I think they are worth a mention. And so for the next two weeks or so I'm counting down the Top 20 Best Movies I've Ever Seen. The rules are simple, these films need to have been theatrically released and I need to have seen them. And just so you know, I'm going to try to judge this list as objectively as I can. So don't go thinking that this is the list of my top 20 favourite movies. That one will probably come later some time.

Honourable Mentions: Koyaanisqatsi (1982), Seven (1995), Der Untergang (2005), Sicario (2015)

20. A Christmas Carol (AKA Scrooge)(1951)

Ah, Christmas movies... Who doesn't love to kick back and watch a good X-mas flick every December? And this timeless gem is one I watch every year. Even though it may seem archaic by today's movie making standards, that only seems to add to the overall “old-ness” of the film's setting. The tone perfectly – albeit somewhat retroactively – complements the story and theme of this very much Industrial Era film. I remember reading the book A Christmas Carol in elementary school and upon rewatching this film afterwards, I saw just how faithful it was to Charles Dickens's original tale. And I believe the few changes that were made in the film were for the better. The scoring is classic, and it enhances the mood quite nicely. I find this most evident in the scenes depicting the Cratchit family. They'll get you right in the feelies, they will. And lastly, who could forget the fantastic performance of Alastair Sim as Ebenezer Scrooge? In all the iterations I've seen of this story, no one pulls off the transition from bitter, grumpy old man to jovial good guy better than Mr. Sim. If there's any one film that can brighten your cold winter day and put you in the Christmas spirit, then this is it, my friends.

19. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)

I remember in my grade 7 drama class my teacher showed us this film, instructing us to pay extra attention to the acting, the choreography, the drama, and the story-telling. It was the first time I recall ever watching a movie with a critical eye. And Master and Commander was a fine film to learn from. Aside from being an engaging and epic thrill with edge-of-your-seat action scenes, it has some exceptional production design and interesting characters. I love how the movie balances its focused portrayal of Napoleonic naval warfare and the relationships between characters: in particular, Russel Crowe as Captain Jack Aubrey and his friend Dr. Stephen Maturin played by Paul Bettany. It's one of those films that achieves the perfect balance between story, action, and characterization. Huzzah!

18. The Revenant (2015)

Alejandro Inarritu's two most recent films – Birdman (2014) and The Revenant – have found widespread mainstream success. While the two aren't all that different in style, I believe that the Revenant is the superior of the two. This one has a more interesting setting and is just all-round more entertaining. I enjoy a good western every now and then and the Revenant has got to be the most visceral yet also the most beautiful of the ones I've seen. Each shot looks like a work of art. I've already written a review on this movie, so the only thing different I can say is try watching this movie alone some time. Take in the atmosphere, the spectacle. It's quite an experience.

17. Casino Royale (2006)

No, not the one with Woody Allen. This is the one with Texas Hold 'Em, son. If you're familiar with my blog then you probably already know that Casino Royale is my preferred Bond film. In fact I'd list it as a strong candidate for best action movie of this generation. It successfully mixes an intense, gritty (yet coherently edited, thank you) feel with the patented wit and style that Bond films are known for. I particularly love how the tone is set with the stylish opening scene and the brilliant opening credits set to hard rock music. The smart dialogue and shining performances – from the likes of Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Judi Dench, and Mads Mikkelsen – will pretty much obligate you to rewatch it again and again.

16. Interstellar (2014)

Christopher Nolan has made some pretty remarkable films over the past decade an a half, but this one must be his most fascinating. How can you not love a science fiction movie that takes itself so seriously, tries very hard to be scientifically plausible, and yet sets up fantastic new worlds to explore and dire problems to solve? This type of expressive imagination is the very stuff that movies were invented for, as early as 1902's La Voyage dans la Lune. Interstellar is one of those films in which everything seems to come together perfectly: the commendable acting, the seamless special effects, masterful directing, and of course the amazing Hans Zimmer soundtrack. By the time it's over, you may be surprised to find out that it's almost three hours long. Partly because it eschews most of the long philosophical debates of other Nolan films, and partly because it's so cool, Interstellar's viewers will experience a bit of time dilation themselves.

15. The Departed (2006)

For this entry I could simply recite the lyrics to King Missile's “Martin Scorsese”, but he really does make such excellent movies. In the Departed, you'll find a great crime thriller in which the tension just builds unrelentingly as the plot thickens again and again. Featuring first-rate performances from pretty much every one of the ensemble cast members (Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Jack Nicholson just to name a few), this film has the type of drama that you really care about without a doubt for any of the characters' intentions or motivations. As Scorsese himself has said, “This is the first movie I've done with a plot.” And that ending! The movie has a triple-twist ending in rapid succession, one that you won't see coming but will surely leave you satisfied. So get watchin'.

14. Das Leben der Anderen (AKA The Lives of Others) (2006)

I first saw Das Leben der Anderen in my Soviet Union history class a few years ago. I thought it was cool. For those of you who don't know, The Lives of Others is about a Stasi agent in 1984 who runs a surveillance operation on a suspected dissident playwright who increasingly makes the agent second guess his political and moral beliefs. Unlike most spy movies which are all about action and suspense, this one sticks to realism and is more focused on drama, making it a unique entry in the spy genre of films. Its gripping opening scene alone is enough to get you hooked for the next two hours. The historical accuracy of the film's setting and organizations is quite stunning, even going so far as to use real-life locations such as the former Stasi headquarters building. The Lives of Others also boasts terrific acting, a powerful visual style, brief moments of dark humour, clever subtlety (plot-wise), and one of the greatest and most touching endings to any movie I've ever seen. If you haven't heard of it, I would highly recommend checking it out.

13. No Country For Old Men (2007)

It seems that people love to sing the praises of the Coen Brothers' films, but for me they seem to be hit and miss. I liked The Big Lebowski (1998), but Hail, Caesar (2015) didn't do it and I just didn't get Fargo (1996). But No Country for Old Men is a film that I immediately understood. A modern neo-western thriller set in Texas in 1980, the film is loaded with deep themes typically found in most other Coen Brothers flicks. The narration, conspicuous absence of music, and impressive cinematography all work together to establish a powerful mood which is bleak and foreboding. Combine this with the standout performances of Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, and Javier Bardem and you've got an endlessly watchable gem of a film.

12. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

And here we have a Stanley Kubrick classic, one of my favourite films ever: Full Metal Jacket. What can I say about this film that hasn't already been said? It's a Vietnam War film in the style of both a drama and a black satire with loads of irony. It's comparable to Kubrick's earlier work, Dr. Stangelove (1964), but much more harsh and violent. In this film he explores the psychological effects of militarism and warfare on the individual. Full Metal Jacket depicts warfare as a grotesque machine infused with sexual frustration and child-like naivete, ultimately making it insane, much like some of its participants as portrayed here by Vincent D'Onofrio. The film's other performances are excellent, especially Lee Ermey as the foul-mouthed GySgt Hartman. It may not be the most original war movie ever made, but it sure looks pretty with Kubrick's trademark direction and it has by far the most gripping boot camp scenes of any war movie.

11. Zodiac (2007)

David Fincher is my favourite director. He has made a bunch of great movies, but if I had to pick just one as his very best it would be Zodiac. It's the first of his films that really feels complete, where his methods and style have fully matured (digital cameras, practical lighting, etc.). This is evident when you compare the film to Fincher's first serial killer movie Seven (1995), which is still really good by the way. Here Fincher uses his distinctive visual style to emphasize both the paranoia and anxiety that gripped the San Francisco bay area during the Zodiac Killer's reign of terror and also to portray the passing of time as the case frustratingly drags on and on. I actually have read the book this movie is based on and from what I recall this film is extremely faithful to its source material. It sticks to the real-life facts and accounts, even those that contradicted each other, the main source of frustration to our main characters played handily by Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr., and Jake Gyllenhaal. Lastly, Zodiac's display of highly detailed set design and seamless CG backgrounds make for an extremely accurate and convincing period drama. Overall, Zodiac is a film whose tone and subject matter perfectly matches its director's artistic sensibilities. A true masterpiece.

Stay tuned next week for the top 10!

Movie Review Repost - Fury (2014)

Continuing this week's theme of remembrance (my Hacksaw Ridge review was posted earlier this week), I thought it might be cool to repost my original review of Fury. That movie was pretty cool. I watched it again last year and I still liked it. My thoughts of it now are basically the same as before. Here's hoping that next years's big WWII movie, Christopher Nolan's Dunkirk, will match the caliber of its recent brethren.

   This week the heavy barrage of homework let up enough for me to liberate my movie theatre seat and watch Fury, a Second World War movie about American tankers. Does it succeed at becoming an instant classic or does this behemoth end up running out of gas? Let's find out!

   Fury follows the crew of the titular M4 tank who are a part of the 66^th Armoured Regiment, advancing deep into Nazi Germany in April 1945. Their assistant driver is killed and replaced by Norman, a typist who isn't prepared to take part in combat at all. Fury benefits from a strong first half which raises a lot of ethical issues. There's also a few calm scenes for character development, one of which (the apartment scene) felt a little too long. But I have to mention, this has got to be one of the grimmest movies I've ever seen. The imagery you'll see, especially in the first half-hour, is extremely rough, even for a war film.

   Unfortunately the film does sort of fall apart in the last action scene, which is so over-dramatized that it more closely resembles a cheesy video game than a badass war film. It's also riddled with questionable tactical decisions by both sides. Like why are the Germans attacking in waves? Why did they wait so long to use the rocket launchers? Is the middle of a firefight really the best time to have your troops stand in formation while you give a rousing speech? Why didn't the tankers stock up their machine gun ammo inside the tank? And most of all, why are the tankers so committed to this mission? It's importance isn't built up or explained very well like it was in Saving Private Ryan. The film also has kind of an abrupt ending without much resolution.

   At least the acting is pretty good. Brad Pitt is pretty much always good, just as he is here as Sergeant Wardaddy. Wardaddy is an interesting character; he's definitely battle-hardened but he still privately feels sadness and regret. It's a pity we don't get to learn that much about him. Shia LeBoeuf is decent as gunner “Bible” Swan, even though his character is kind of one-note. Logan Lerman does a fine job at portraying Norman. The anxiety this main character feels really comes through as it's through his view that we see the war.

   As far as I can tell, this movie's events are portrayed pretty accurately (except for the opening text crawl that says that Germany turned to total war only in April 1945. Sigh...). But one of Fury's main strengths comes from its production value. Everything looks amazing: the sets, the uniforms, and, of course, the tanks. Plus, you can actually see it! There's no stupid shaky cam or at least a very limitedly-shaky one. (Isn't it sad that I have to praise a movie for not having that issue?)

   Also I gotta say, Fury is pretty daring in that it shows US troops committing atrocities. That's pretty rare for an American WWII movie. In addition, this film refreshingly contains absolutely zero US flags.

   In short, Fury is a violent, testosterone-filled experience definitely not for all ages. Though it isn't as good as Saving Private Ryan (its story, characters, and realism aren't quite as strong), it has intense action scenes and it more than delivers on the “horrors of war”.

Rating: three and a half stars out of five.

Movie Review - Hacksaw Ridge

   Happy Remembrance Day, and what better way to observe it by seeing a nice movie about a real life dude who served his country and his God proud during the Second World War.

   Hacksaw Ridge is about Desmond Doss, a young pacifist who still wants to be able to contribute to the war effort. He tries enlisting in the army with the hopes that he will become a medic, but runs into trouble when he refuses to touch a weapon due to his religious convictions. This movie's plot could somewhat-accurately be described as a blend of the boot camps of Captain America: First Avenger and Full Metal Jacket plus the Vietnam battle scene of Forrest Gump. It's a great story of a man staying true to his beliefs. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll get scared. There's even a decent romance. This movie's got everything! Well, almost: I think it might've benefited even from just a short scene at the end where Desmond sees his family again.

   But this can be forgiven in light of Hacksaw Ridge's in-freaking-tense battle scenes. Up close, dirty, loud, gritty, and extremely violent, the battle scenes here are some of the most intense I've seen since Passchendaele (2008) or even Saving Private Ryan (1998). Well done, Mel Gibson. This is helped by the impeccable special effects and direction, recreating all the gory nastiness. Take note, this is not a film for the squeamish.

   Hacksaw Ridge also boasts some exceptional acting. Andrew Garfield as Desmond Doss is amazing. He does a great job depicting a humble hero struggling to do what he knows is right against all kinds of adversity. Hugo Weaving is good as Doss's alcoholic, shell-shocked veteran father. Even Vince Vaughn, whom I normally don't care much for, is good here! He plays the zero-tolerance, hard-as-nails Sergeant Howell leading his men through both boot camp and Okinawa. There's also a bunch of likable side characters, each portrayed handily.

   Thinking about this film beyond the surface level raises some questions. Like, “does this count as a faith-based movie?” While the main character is a very religious person who prays and reads the Bible a lot, the movie doesn't exactly shove his faith right down your throat like a lot of other religious movies do nowadays. I'd call this more of a tale of virtue/morality. Another question one might wonder is: “is this a pro-war film?” It kind of is, which is a rare thing nowadays. Although the battle scenes are depicted as bloody and terrifying, they are still very exciting, even heroic. Plus the whole movie is about a guy trying to serve in the army (saving soldiers lives) after enlisting – even though in real life Desmond Doss was drafted. At least Gibson chose to not drown his audience in a sea of US flags.

   In conclusion, Hacksaw Ridge is a brilliant film with a strong theme and stronger performances. It feels complete. It's the best war film I've seen in recent years, even better than 2014's American Sniper. If you like war movies or if you like feel-good movies that have lots of carnage and bloodshed then this is definitely one you should check out.

Grade: four-and-a-half out of five.

Movie Review - Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

   I didn't know a thing about Jack Reacher: Never Go Back going in. I didn't even know it was a sequel to something until about one day before buying the ticket. All I knew was what I saw in the trailer: that it had Tom Cruise in it and that he apparently punches the lights out of pretty much everyone he encounters. Seriously, watch that trailer; he really does nothing but knock everyone out. Kind of hilarious, really. It's as if the trailer is a spoof of mystery-action movies or something. But am I here to review trailers or movies? Stay focused, Tony.

   Thankfully, Never Go Back is a film that one can understand without having to watch its prequel. This movie follows the freelance military investigator Jack Reacher who, along with his colleague Major Susan Turner, is on the run in the US after being framed for espionage. But Jack also has his hands full taking care of a little (possible) family matter. It's an adventure that involves occasionally funny lines, but it also involves characters arguing at the drop of a hat at the littlest, most inconsequential things just like YouTube comments. The actual mystery that's uncovered is not very interesting with a total “no duh” conclusion, which is surprising given that this film is actually based directly on one of the books. And lastly, the whole thing is very uneven in a tonal/emotional sense, especially given how the movie – in particular, the final subplot – ends. The ending tries going for this big emotional, tug-at-your-heartstrings moment which the movie doesn't really earn at all. Speaking of which, who is Candice Dayton? How does she know Jack? And why did she choose Jack to file (spoiler) suit against him?

   One thing Jack Reacher 2 does have going for it is its likeable main cast. Tom Cruise, who at this point is I think trying to beat Roger Moore in the race for most leading roles in a spy film, is fun as always. Cobie Smulders is still just a little wooden at times, but you can tell she's trying and she does have good chemistry with Cruise. And then there's Danika Yarosh. She does an alright job. It's just too bad her character swings back and forth from being really smart to really dumb between scenes. The rest of the cast is unremarkable, and the villains are pretty stock for an action film.

   The action scenes are decent; they're edited competently enough. However, the rest of the film has some mildly choppy editing at times: e.g. cutting at certain points where there could have just been one uninterrupted shot. Also, while this movie isn't too effects-heavy, the effects it does have are well done.

   In conclusion, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back is a wholly unnecessary sequel with a formulaic plot and an overall generic feel. It's forgettable. Only a few decent action scenes and the main cast's likeability are what saves this film from “dead on arrival” status. And for those thinking that this franchise has a future ahead of it, I'd recommend employing the advice found in this movie's title.

Grade: two-and-a-half out of five.

One Year Anniversary

Hey, folks! Next week is Anachronarchy's one year anniversary! Hooray! And since I'm going to be away next week, we're celebrating it today. Writing this blog has been a lot of fun and I'm glad that you guys - some of whom are from the far reaches of the globe - are getting some enjoyment out of following my mad ramblings. Thank you all for the support. In case you're interested I'll share some stats from the past year's worth of blogging. (All stats are as of today.)
This is a partial breakdown of my readers' country of origin:

• Canada, 68.3%
• USA, 11.4%
• France, 8.8%
• Portugal, 2.5%
• Poland, Russia each at 2.4%
• Germany, 0.9%

And this here is Anachronarchy's Top 10 most popular articles since its establishment, along with dates:

1. "Movie Review - Deadpool", 21 February 2016
2. "Movie Review - The Revenant", 17 January 2016
3. "Bond Film Rankings - Part 1", 26 March 2016
4. "Talkin' Jive: Guns N' Roses, Part 2", 23 April 2016
5. "Movie Review - Batman v Superman", 27 March 2016
6. "Movie Review - God's Not Dead 2", 19 April 2016
7. "Bond Film Rankings - Part 2", 8 April 2016
8. "Retrospective Movie Review - God's Not Dead (2014)", 30 January 2016
9. "Top 10 Worst Recurring Problems/Trends With Video Games", 23 July 2016
10. "Movie Review - Jason Bourne", 3 August 2016

Top 10 Favourite Movie Quotes

Good morning, Vietnam! Suffice it to say, movies have a huge impact on our culture. Their memorable quotes can go on to influence the way we speak, even to the point where we don't realize it. Everybody's got their favourite movie quotes and so today I'm going to list the top 10 quotes from movies that I've seen. I've chosen these quotes based on their coolness, their humour, their power, and/or just simply how often I repeat them myself in everyday situations. And for the record, this list isn't written in stone. I watch new movies all the time and a lot of them have great lines. Who knows, maybe this list will be completely different a year from now. So let's get started, and may the Force be with you.

Honourable mentions:

• “Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!” -Dr. Strangelove (Peter Sellers), from Dr. Strangelove (1964)
• “Pizza time!” -Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), from Spider-Man 2 (2004)
• “Bond. James Bond” -James Bond (Sean Connery), from Dr. No (1962)
• “Yeah... You didn't-You didn't know that?”-The Blob (Kevin Durand), from X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
• “Terminate... with extreme prejudice.” -Jerry (Jerry Ziesmer), from Apocalypse Now (1979)

10. “Sometimes he performed cunnilingus. Not often enough, in my opinion.” -Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

Lisbeth Salander has got to be one of the most fascinating movie characters I've seen in recent years, and to me this line pretty much sums up her attitude. It's the character's introductory scene and right away we see all of her unusual mannerisms at work: choosing to not answer certain questions, a blunt, to-the-point manner of speaking, impatience with small talk, switching between avoiding eye contact and intense staring. All of this comes to a head when Dirch Frode demands to know Salander's personal opinion on Mikael Blomkvist's character, and whether she left anything out of the report she wrote on him. She eventually relents, revealing that Blomkvist has long been having an affair with his co-editor. She caps off the revelation with this gem of a line while staring blankly into Frode's eyes. I simply love this quote, and I picked it because it's at this moment the viewer realizes “this is who we're going to be following for the rest of the movie, this is going to be a cool character, I want to see more.” Frode's response: “You're right not to include that.”

9. “Gentlemen! Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The third rule of Fight Club: someone yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. The fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. The fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. The sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes. The seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.” -Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) from Fight Club (1999)

David Fincher strikes again with another great quote from another memorable character, this time Fight Club's Tyler Durden. Pretty much everyone who's a fan of Fight Club has these rules memorized, as if they themselves have joined Project Mayhem's private little army. And those who aren't have at least heard of the first two rules. And that eighth and final rule caps it off with a challenge, a hint of excitement. I find it interesting that a group of disgruntled men who're devoted to spreading anarchy and chaos are still fully committed to following a set of rules. It's even more ironic that those rules become the most memorable lines from the movie. Oh well. It's still really awesome. P.S. – Did anyone else notice that Bob still gets to wear his shirt when he fights? It's probably for the better...

8. “I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bulls---! I did not hit her! I did not... Oh hi, Mark.” -Johnny (Tommy Wiseau) from The Room (2003)

If you have not seen The Room, then you have not lived. It's as simple as that. I could sing the praises of that magnificently/ineptly made film all day long, but one of its greatest contributions to humanity is its quotability. There are so many great quotes in this movie. Probably the best known quote, repeated several times throughout, is “Oh hi, Mark.” But by far my favourite quote from The Room stems from the worst bit of acting in the whole movie – and that is saying a lot. It's the one line that always has me bursting into laughter on the verge of tears. Apparently, Tommy Wiseau – whose acting ability is journeyman at best – had trouble remembering the first part of this 18-word line (8 words if you don't count repeats). It took him forever just to (a) say all the words right, (b) look in the right directions, and (c) move in the proper positions. So the film crew called it quits after finally getting the first usable take. And thus cult-b-movie history was made.

7. “It's been hard... the writing lately. Terrible numbness. And then suddenly it comes in beautiful fragments or terrible dreams... Like nods. So high...” -Jim Carroll (Leonardo DiCaprio) from The Basketball Diaries (1995)

The Basketball Diaries is a heavy, powerful movie. It's not exactly a great film but it is one that you can't look away from while at the same time it isn't easy to watch. Upon finishing it, you'll be thinking about it for weeks afterwards. Part of what makes it so powerful, I think, is the narration which is taken straight from Jim Carroll's poetry/journal entries. It just sounds so cool, the way he articulates how his hardcore drug addictions are eating away at his creativity and his thought processes. The only downside is that this exact line is almost overshadowed by the silly, overly-dramatic visual “symbolism” that accompanies it. Still, I think that it's noteworthy that Jim was near death in this scene and were it not for the timely intervention of his own guardian angel this line would have been his last thought. Feels kind of haunting, doesn't it?

6. “Chill out. Dickwad.” -Terminator (A.K.A. T-800) (Arnold Schwarzenegger) from Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)

And here we have the first of many great Arnold quotes on this list. I'm going to level with you: pretty much the only reason I've ranked this quote here is because I use it myself nearly every day. I'd like to think of myself as a fairly laid-back type of guy and I love getting the chance to tell people to calm down in a detached monotone voice that doesn't give a f---. My only wish is that the Terminator had used this line again when a heartbroken John Conner begs him to not to self-destruct. What could be more coldheartedly badass than that?

5. “It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.” -Elwood Blues (Dan Ackroyd) from The Blues Brothers (1980)

Ah, Blues Brothers. How could anyone not enjoy such a rich collection of lovable characters, excellent musical numbers, clever celebrity cameos, and insane car chases? As if that's not enough, there's also a good bunch of lines: “I hate Illinois Nazis”, “I have seen the light!”, “We're on a mission from God”, “This ain't no Hank Williams s---!”, “I'm going to become a priest”, and “Are you cops?” “No ma'am. We're musicians.” But this one here has to be the best. The Blues Brothers know that their final objective is just within reach and it's time to get their show on the road. So Elwood sets the tone with this great line (making the audience question, just for a moment, exactly why the two are always wearing shades). It's the ceremonial phrase spoken between friends who are about to embark on a road trip for the ages. Let's just hope it's not as destructive.

4. “I wrote it down in my diary so that I wouldn't have to remember.” -Henry Jones Sr. (Sean Connery) from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

In the great debate about which Indiana Jones movie is best, my feet are firmly planted in the Last Crusade camp. This third movie has all the charm and straight up fun of the original, but with even better villains and better side characters, not the least of whom is Indy's father played by none other than Sean Connery himself. A thrill to follow, this character is bookish and aloof, but he can sometimes deliver a stern line or two like this one. Indy doesn't want to go to Berlin to get his father's Grail diary, but Henry says they have to because it contains clues vital to navigating the booby traps guarding the Holy Grail. Indy impatiently asks “Can't you remember [the clues]?” and Henry retorts with this deliciously condescending line. The reason I've ranked it here because it is a line I have quoted more times than I could ever count, most of the time to my boss or (ironically) to my own father. I don't have a perfect memory. Do I look like the mental stenographer type?

3. “Get your ass to Mars.” -Douglas Quaid (Arnold Schwarzenegger) from Total Recall (1990)

It doesn't get any more absurd than this. A smiling Arnold Schwarzenegger talking to another version of himself with a towel wrapped around his head like a turban telling him to go to Mars just moments after yanking an impossibly huge tracking device out of his nose. It's the kind of ridiculous goodness that Arnold fans live for and it sounds even better with that accent of his. I also like how such a goofy line is said so straight, without a beat. What else is there to say? I like this line because it's silly. Is that so wrong?

2. “Who are these assholes to say when doomsday approaches? I say when doomsday is approaching!” -Richard Nixon (Robert Wisden), from Watchmen (2009)

I think Richard Nixon is a fascinating historical figure. I love seeing portrayals of him in movies like Frost/Nixon (2008). I also think he's a fun historical figure to poke fun at (especially in fiction), and that's why I like movies like X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) and Watchmen. What's great about Watchmen's Nixon is that he's still president in 1985 and he's now a little bit crazy, as evidenced by this wonderful line. Here's the scoop: Dr. Manhattan, the cornerstone of the USA's nuclear deterrent, has left Earth for Mars (because of quote #3) and so the opportunistic Soviets are preparing to invade Afghanistan. As a result, the Doomsday Clock has been moved to two minutes to midnight. This upsets Dick, who's gathered his staff and generals together in the war room à la Dr. Strangelove (1964) causing him to utter this little bit of power-mad raving. Oh, Dick. Don't ever change.

1. “Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?... I lied.” -John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) from Commando (1985)

Do I even have to explain this one being here? If Arnold is the king of cheesy quotes and one-liners, then this is his crown jewel. It is the icing on the cake of a flippant, nonchalant kill of a slimy bad guy henchman that the audience is sure to hate by this point in the film. The cool thing is that this quote does indeed build off one of the film's earlier cheesy lines: “You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last.” (Spoiler alert: he's one of the first to die.) Commando has got to be my favourite of the classic 80's Arnold action movies and it's probably because it has more cheesy lines than the others. And when they're this freaking stupidly over-the-top awesome, how could you not feel a surge of testosterone-filled fun?

Movie Review Repost - Non-Stop (2014)

So in relation to Sully, I already reposted a review of another Clint Eastwood movie (American Sniper) so this week I'll repost a review of another airplane movie: Non-Stop. Overall, it's a rather forgettable flick and... yeah not much more to reminisce about. In fact the only reason I'm bringing it up is because I haven't got anything better to show you. Sorry! New material next week, I promise! In the meantime, return your seats to their upright position, fasten your seat belts and enjoy the wordplay.

   Last night I answered the boarding call to watch Non-Stop, a thriller movie starring Liam Neeson that takes place on a Transatlantic flight. I wonder if movies like this are ever shown on airplanes?

   The story focuses on federal air marshal Bill Marks who receives text messages on his secure phone from one of the passengers announcing that someone on the plane will be murdered every 20 minutes unless $150 million is paid out. Now this is a pretty cool premise, like something out a Hitchcock film; nearly every character is brought under suspicion at some point and it keeps you guessing until the very end just who the killer really is. Unfortunately, if you look out your left window, you'll see a few predictable cliches: the main character has a secretive, troubled past; his superior officers won't listen to him, etc. Also, the villain's true motive is just lame once you find out what it really is.    There's also a bit of logical turbulence once you take the plotholes into account. Why would an air marshal smoke in an airplane bathroom? And how did the bad guy know Marks was doing it? How did the bad guy manage to sneak a switchblade on board the plane? And worst of all: why does the bathroom allow access to the cockpit?! I have my sincere doubts that that would ever happen in real life.

   Anyways, Liam Neeson stars as Bill Marks, the chain-smoking, alcoholic air marshal who hates flying. The movie definitely benefits from having him lead, though his performance is somewhat subdued (ie. The monotone voice from Star Wars). Regardless, Liam Neeson does add intensity with his patented sharp stare, angry growl and forward lean.

   The only other notable thing is that this movie uses a ton of shaky cam: the headache-inducing kind, not the good kind. In particular, the final action scene has so much shaky cam and is so choppily edited that I could barely tell what was going on! Just remember to keep your air sickness bags within arm's reach.

   But overall, Non-Stop is harmless enough. It'll satisfy both action movie fans and Liam Neeson fans. It's passable, but nothing special. (But at least it's better than Flightplan. Remember that crap?)

Rating: two and a half stars out of five.

Movie Review Repost - American Sniper (2015)

Hey, people. I'm still in the middle of packing/moving this week, still pretty busy. I want you to know that I've started work on some new articles for Anachronarchy, but it may be a week or two before they're ready for posting. Thank you for being so patient. In the meantime, since I just saw a Clint Eastwood movie earlier this week (Sully) I thought it'd be appropriate to repost the review I did of his previous film, American Sniper. Enjoy.

   War is hell, and while American Sniper may not be quite as grim or depressing as Fury was last year, its portrayal of extraordinary violence upon individuals is just as devastating and perhaps even more relevant.

   American Sniper is based on the autobiography of Chief Petty Officer Chris Kyle, a Navy SEALs marksman who served four tours of combat in Iraq from 2003 to 2009. The plot swings back and forth between Kyle's time overseas, filled with intense action, and his home leaves in Texas where he struggles to reconcile his sense of duty with his family life. In both situations he is faced with heartbreaking dilemmas. This is a film that is neither pro-war nor anti-war; it doesn't take sides in the debates surrounding the Iraq War's conduct. It simply tries to portray it's effects on the lives of the individuals involved. And in this regard, Bradley Cooper does a fantastic job playing the stressed-out main character. Really the only bit of story that could've been improved upon was the final scene, which felt a little clumsy and rushed.

   In the director's chair we have the venerable Clint Eastwood who definitely knows how to make a war film – Letters from Iwo Jima, anyone? From the steady mix of action, drama, and personal struggle it's clear that he has huge respect for veterans and what they've chosen to put themselves through. This is especially evident in the end credits which, after a brief slideshow, are completely silent.

   The production is breath-taking. The sets, the locations, the props, the costumes, the equipment; it all looks amazing. The cinematography is dazzling, giving us some nice-looking longshots (no pun intended). So too is the special effects, especially on the sandstorm towards the end.

   Now with a film that has the word “American” in the title you have to expect a bit of over-the-top foreign patriotism. There's also a couple scenes that I just don't get. What was the point of the crying baby in the nursery scene? Are soldiers really allowed to chat up their girlfriends over the phone in the middle of a mission? Do SEALs ever get orders or are they just allowed to leave their posts and go do whatever they want during missions?

   Regardless, American Sniper is an excellent film on modern warfare. In comparison, it's more poignant than Lone Survivor, but with better action than Green Zone. Overall, it's roughly comparable to the Hurt Locker, but sadder. If you're interested in the personal/psychological consequences of military service, and if you can stomach a bit of violence, then American Sniper is the flick for you. Even if there are no 360 no-scopes in it.

Rating: four-and-a-half stars out of five.

Movie Review - Sully

   Alright, time for another film review. Airplane movies are cool. Let's try that. This time I watched Sully, a film about the real life US Airways flight 1549 that crash landed on the Hudson River without any loss of life. Is it any good?

   It's directed by Clint Eastwood and it stars Tom Hanks. What do you think?

   Our plot follows Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger, an experienced airline pilot who gained fame after successfully ditching a loaded passenger jet on a river in New York City in 2009. Despite his success, he is plagued by flashbacks and nightmares of his experience. What's more, Sullenberger and his copilot, Jeffrey Skiles, are under investigation by the NTSB who believe that the flight could have successfully landed at another airport and that the loss of the airplane was avoidable. There are moments where Sully gets fairly technical about the field of aviation, but it's far from unwatchable. The crash landing scenes – yes, they do play it out twice – are a thrill to watch, even though we already know how they turn out. Still, plotwise, this is a film that offers few surprises. This is probably the reason why the movie can sometimes feel like it's longer than just 96 minutes. In fact the only real thing that surprised me about this film is that it didn't end with a scene of Sully reuniting with his wife and kids (who we see talking to him on the phone several times). Instead it ends with a joke from Skiles. Dropped the ball there.

   As I said before, Clint Eastwood is in the director's chair, and his trademarks are clearly visible: charming/inspiring feel-good moments mixed with a bunch of US flags. Not overly stylistic, but capable nonetheless. The CG effects were good. At least they were better than the baby from American Sniper, right?

   The acting is all-round rather well done, especially from Hanks (Sullenberger) and Aaron Eckhart (Skiles) who portray pretty much the only three-dimensional characters in this film. It's not as if Sully really needed a multitude of characters to portray an event that lasted a few minutes.

   I have a feeling that the writers were really stretching for ideas here. While Sully's posters promised us “The untold story behind the Miracle on the Hudson”, I doubt there's much new stuff to be discovered from here. But on the whole, Sully is enjoyable enough. It isn't exceptionally good, but still pretty good.

Grade: three and a half stars out of five.

Movie Review Repost - After Earth (2013)

Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long since my last current movie review. I've just started another semester of school AND I'm moving to a new place in a few days and have been packing everything up. So yeah, I've been pretty busy lately. Hopefully it won;t be too long until my next review. For now let's take a look at my thoughts on a film that's been on my mind a bit for the past while (for some reason): After Earth. Easily the worst movie I saw in 2013 (even worse than Lone Ranger), this thing has a very haphazard feel to it (especially the writing). It's also downright laughable at times. So let's look back and have a good laugh, shall we?

   After Earth: if you've ever wanted a movie to fall asleep to, then this is it. It's one of the more dull movies that I've seen in a while.

   Need proof? Just look at Will Smith's acting (or sleep-acting rather). He plays Cypher, a man without fear. Apparently having no fear turns you into an emotionless, monotone person who almost never changes his facial expression and is a heartless, terrible father. Will Smith is usually one of those actors who just gives it his all in whatever role he plays, but After Earth's script has forced him to become a stone-faced automaton of a man (the very thing he tried to destroy in I, Robot. You've let me down, Will.). He spends the majority of the movie sitting in a chair, sometimes looking/speaking directly to the camera. Wow.

   But our main character is actually Cypher's son Kitai, played by Will Smith's son Jaden Smith. Like the Karate Kid remake a few years ago, After Earth is supposed to be a showcase for Jaden's acting, which isn't terrible. But there is a limit as to how well one can portray a somewhat-whiny kid who makes dumb decisions, disobeys orders, and spontaneously quotes Moby Dick for no reason. He also falls asleep no less than five times throughout the film. But this actually makes sense, seeing as how the viewer will feel like falling asleep by the end of the movie.

   Oh yeah, I guess I should talk about the plot. This movie takes place in the far distant future in which mankind has been forced to leave Earth and settle on other hostile planets. Humanity is protected by the fearless Rangers who are led by General Cypher. Cypher takes his cadet son Kitai on a routine mission which runs into trouble. They crash land on a long-since abandoned Earth and must now find a way to survive and escape whilst developing their father-son relationship.

   This particular adventure, directed by M. Night Shyamalan, is one involving lots of awkward transitions, non sequitur flashbacks, boring monologues, nonchalant narrations, and cheap-looking sets. As one might expect, this film relies heavily on CGI, but a lot of it isn't done very well (especially the animals). This film could have been more intriguing if the viewer got to learn more about the universe it takes place in. Instead the viewer is left wondering why soldiers in the future use spears instead of guns. What kind of accent is everyone speaking in? And what was up with the whole “Earth's gravity is stronger than home” thing? It's mentioned once in the film's beginning, never brought up again, and seems to have no effect on Kitai's movement or stamina.

   So who would like this movie? If you're a Will Smith fan and you don't want to have your heart broken, then don't bother with this. If you're a sci-fi action movie fan with low standards then you could probably meet this movie halfway. Just remind someone to wake you up when it's over.

Rating: one and a half stars out of five.