It's been a while since I wrote
something 007-related, so here it is, the one list that all James
Bond fans have thought of doing, yet no two James Bond fans would
ever completely agree with: ranking all 24 films from worst to best.
Now of course, this list is just my opinion and honestly I've already
rewritten the order on this several times already. So if you don't
agree with me here, that's OK; I'll probably end up changing my mind
on this order sooner or later anyways. Please note that I'm not
including movies like Never Say Never
or either of the unofficial Casino Royale
films. I haven't seen them (and they don't look all that good
anyways). Also, I'd just like to point out that although there have
been a few bad 007 movies made, I still consider it a great series of
films. Even the bad ones are still very much watchable (except maybe
one). So let's do this!
24 –
Die Another Day (2002)
No
surprise here. Long story short, DAD was the film that cartoonified
it up so badly that the producers were forced to hit the reset button
on a 40 year long series. Instead of being stylized and witty like
Bond films should be, this one opts for impossibly over-the-top
silliness – featuring the series' first and thankfully only “yo
mama” joke to date – and blatant references to the past films
shoved in your face (it was the 40th
anniversary, after all). Bond is pretty much indestructible in this
outing, despite the fact that Pierce Brosnan is on the verge of being
too old for his role. With laughable dialogue, a ludicrous plot, a
headache-inducing theme song, dated/cheesy editing, and cheap special
effects, Die Another Day was
just too juvenile and lame to be worthy of carrying on this great
series. I can't think of a single thing that I like about this movie.
23 –
Moonraker (1979)
I know
some people like this movie, and that's fine. But for me, Moonraker's
campiness levels are too damn high. The jokes are just simply dumb
and overplayed, the fight scenes are awkward, the romance is
colourless, the product placement is naked, the pop culture
references are puzzling, and the plot is a carbon copy of the
previous film's (The Spy Who Loved Me).
But aside from the little things, the movie as a whole is just
downright silly. I mean, Bond is in space? How did it get to this
point? This isn't all that far from an Austin Powers
scenario. I guess this is what happens when studio executives give
their movie a budget that's too big and orders to copy the success of
other recent films (in this case Star Wars).
However, the film is saved by some ambitious special effects, some
impressive stunt work, and a fun villain in Hugo Drax.
22 –
A View to a Kill
(1985)
Don't let the
exciting theme song by Duran Duran fool you; this is a Bond film for
old people. How else do you explain a 57-year old Roger Moore
spending the film's first half at an estate for rich steeplechase
enthusiasts? Yawn. Both the Bond girls suck, too. Stacey Sutton is a
scream queen who does nothing and May Day (played by Grace Jones) is
almost cool... except she looks like a dude. But the film's one
saving grace is the villain Max Zorin, played by none other than the
great Christopher Walken. He's so transparently, delightfully evil
that he's impossible not to enjoy. There's a part where he laughs
maniacally while he guns down his underlings with a submachine gun in
a mine. Now that's entertaining. Otherwise, there's just no momentum
to this tired instalment of the franchise.
21 – Octopussy
(1983)
Octopussy
isn't an awful movie, it's just very forgettable. Aside from an
exhilarating opening scene and a few goofy moments that I can't help
but chuckle at this is pretty much the most unremarkable 007 film.
And there's really not much else to say. If you haven't seen it, then
you didn't miss much. But having said that, if you've ever wanted to
see James Bond in a clown costume, then I guess Octopussy
is a must-see for you.
20 –
Tomorrow Never Dies
(1997)
Tomorrow Never Dies is
a lot like Octopussy,
just slightly improved and somewhat more memorable. It's not a bad
film, it's just very, very average. I don't know what it is, but
Hamburg just felt like a boring place to set half the film in. Ho Chi
Minh City was pretty cool though, and Wai Lin is one of the coolest
Bond girls ever – she breaks just as many faces as Bond does!
Unfortunately the most stand-out thing about TND is how lame the
villain (played by Jonathan Price) is, and how dumb his plot is. All
in all, Tomorrow Never Dies
is an easy enough film to watch: the kind you put on when you don't
want to really think about anything.
19 –
Quantum of Solace
(2008)
It's
infected with the Bourne virus! I don't think this film quite
deserves all the hate that it gets. Having said that, I do admit that
Quantum of Solace is
the most disappointing 007 film of them all – especially since I am
fan of Daniel Craig's Bond. There's lots of things wrong with QoS,
but I'd be willing to forgive some of them (the lousy theme song, the
unimpressive villain) if the overall movie was any good.
Unfortunately, QoS is shot like some kind of wannabe-arthouse film
project oozing with pretentiousness not suited at all to a Bond film.
Also the action scenes are incomprehensibly edited, with that
needlessly choppy cutting and shaking of the camera that we've all
come to hate. I'm not joking when I say that I actually had to rewind
and rewatch several action scenes simply because my eyes could not for
the life of me understand what had happened. If only a few things
were reworked, we could have had another classic. Craig and Judi
Dench both give great performances, and the leading lady Camille
Montes is a really interesting character. But overall, Quantum
of Solace is a mixed bag.
18 –
Diamonds are Forever
(1971)
This is what a
Connery-era 007 film gone wrong looks like. Don't get me wrong, DaF
is still sufficiently entertaining, but in a tongue-in-cheek manner
that few were expecting. It seems weird that Connery's – who's
starting to show his age this time – last Bond outing took a sherp
turn for the camp. (Given that this was the last film before the
Roger Moore era, it was definitely a sign of things to come!) The
theme song and the bond girls are both pretty cool this time, but the
locations aren't quite up to par. The villains aren't much better;
Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are just weird, and really what was the point
in bringing back Blofeld if he's going to be both unrecognizable and
portrayed by such a lacklustre actor? This movie is watchable enough,
though not one that I watch often.
17 – The Man
With the Golden Gun (1974)
Sometimes I don't
quite know how to feel about this, Moore's second outing as agent
007. The first time I saw it, I loved it. The second time I saw it, I
thought it was just OK. Overall, it's somewhat similar to that of its
predecessor, Live and Let Die, but with higher stakes and a
better cast. TMWtGG's tone is all over the place, like it tried being
slightly more serious while still maintaining the light-hearted
breeziness of LaLD. There's a scene with a mind-blowingly awesome
stunt involving a car jump, but it's nearly ruined by a silly
slide-whistle sound effect. And that right there pretty much sums up
the whole film: it's almost awesome.
16 – Dr. No
(1962)
Oh yeah, baby!
Where the whole series began. The quintessential, basic, timeless
Bond film. You've got a captivating cast, some groovy gadgets, a
memorable score, great locations, and some killer action scenes all
in a retrospectively campy tone. It's beautiful. Watching Dr. No
today is enough to give viewers goosebumps upon hearing such immortal
lines. Our introduction to the title character – with the “Bond,
James Bond” line as he lights a cigarette while the theme creeps in
– is nothing short of epic. You may be wondering why I've decided
not to rank it higher on this list. I have nothing against Dr. No.
It's just that I think most other Bond films have since 1-upped it in
some way, that they've done everything this film has done and more.
But still, you should go watch it.
15 – The Spy
Who Loved Me (1977)
What do I say about
this one? Yeah, it's a classic that everybody likes. Yeah, Roger
Moore finally fully embodied the role of agent 007 this time. Yeah,
the action is astounding – the battle scene with the subs rivals
the spectacular shootout scene in You Only Live Twice – and
the stunts are jaw-dropping. But the one thing that ruins it for me
is the casting. Curt Jurgens is simply a boring villain. Barbara Bach
is a bit wooden and not all that believable as a KGB agent. And
Richard Kiel's Jaws is just silly (which pretty much makes me the
only 007 fan in the world who doesn't like Jaws). Otherwise, it's
great.
14 – For Your
Eyes Only (1981)
FYEO is commonly
known as the “serious” and “darker” of the Moore-era Bond
films. I wouldn't go that far. After all this is the movie that has
scenes where Bond battles hockey player-henchmen (scoring
goals by throwing their bodies into the net), a talking parrot
sweet-talks Prime Minister Thatcher over the phone, and Blofeld is
brought back just so he can be killed off immediately. It also has a
plot where a 16 year old girl tries to seduce Bond, but that was
actually pretty funny (it seems that even agent 007 is not without
limits). What I do like about For Your Eyes Only is that it
does go for a more simplified, back-to-basics adventure. In addition
to a more hardened portrayal of Bond, we're also treated to Melina
Havelock, one of the more notable on-par-with-Bond Bond girls, the
kind who can hold their own in an action scene. A lot of Bond fans
really like FYEO and so do I. If you want to see Roger Moore approach
the role of James Bond differently, then consider giving this one a
try.
13 – The World
is Not Enough (1999)
Let me start by
saying that I totally understand why some people might not like this
film: the outlandish gadgets, the gratuitous fanservice, the more
dramatic tone, and Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist
(which, c'mon, there's no way it wasn't meant as a tongue-in-cheek
joke! OK?). Upon my first viewing, I was also unimpressed. But after
repeated viewings, TWiNE has really grown on me. It has a little bit
of everything good about the Bond films in it: a unforgettable theme
song, a gripping opening scene, a good performance by Pierce Brosnan,
a memorable henchman, exciting (albeit over-the-top) action, and fun
side characters. Could it have been better? Yes. Is it worth a second
chance? Yes!
That's it for now. Stay tuned (in a week or two) for the second half, where I'll cover the rest - from #12 to #1.
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