Tuesday 31 January 2017

2000 Pageviews!

Yesterday Anachronarchy reached the 2000 pageview milestone! How awesome is that? You guys are the best. I think it's great that you're enjoying my articles so much and I'd like to thank all of you readers for tuning in. If it weren't for you, this blog probably wouldn't be here.
I'm afraid I don't have any artwork or anything like that to share with you in celebration this time. Instead I think I'll give you a quick glimpse of some articles I have cooking up right now. Expect to see these on Anachronarchy very soon:

  • Splinter Cell: Double Agent vs. Splinter Cell: Double Agent - Did you know that there's actually 2 different versions of this game? Well I sure didn't when I made up that Splinter Cell game rankings list last January. But now that I've played both versions of it, I've got to clarify my thoughts on this game and conclude which version is the superior one.
  • Book vs. Movie: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - How does one of my favourite movies ever stack against the international best-selling novel it's based on? Tune in to find out!
  • Retrospective Movie Review: O.K. Connery (1967) - What happens when some inept Italian dude tries making his own 007 movie without the 007 license? You get O.K. Connery. This'll be good.
  • Ranking all the David Fincher Films - You knew this was coming. How could I not resist comparing all films of my favourite director and ranking them? All I have to do now is watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, then I'm ready to go.
  • The Longest Day (1962) vs. A Bridge Too Far (1977) - Two classic WWII epic movies both based on non-fiction books by Cornelius Ryan. But which one is better?
  • And of course, reviews of current movies and much more! Don't miss! Make for great excite!

Monday 30 January 2017

Movie Review - Split

   It's time to review Split... no, not the new gaming console Nintendo's announced. The James McAvoy movie where he's got multiple personalities. Yeah, that one. Seriously, what's up with this deluge of crappy one-word titles for movies nowadays? Pretty much everyone I mentioned this movie to asked “which one is that?” You know the situation is dire when your one-word titles are hindering the reputation and publicity of your freakin' movies! Bottom line: stop being so lazy with your titles!
   Rant over. Let's review the movie already.
   My friends, what we have here is an actual good movie from the once-awesome-but-then-for-the-longest-time-pretty-sucky director M. Night Shyamalan. It's true, the man delivers what I think is his first good movie since 2000's Unbreakable, the spiritual predecessor to this film. And his direction here is in fine form. He does some stylish looking shots, but not to an arrogantly overbearing degree that was seen in 2010's The Last Airbender or 2013's After Earth. In Split Shyamalan makes frequent use of extreme closeups to instill a sense of claustrophobia, reminding us that the characters are trapped. There's also a lot of shots that have the scene's menacing force just off-screen or blurry shots for when a character is disoriented. Both techniques effectively heighten a scene's suspense. And while Syamalan's usual trademark twist is missing from this effort, he does squeeze in a director cameo.
   The plot is about three teenage girls who are kidnapped by Kevin Wendell Crumb, a mentally disturbed man with 23 different personalities in his head. The girls try to figure out how to escape, while one of them, Casey, might be uniquely suited to exploit Kevin's mental condition. It's a Hitchcockian premise that has a lot of potential. It kind of reminds me of 1990's Misery, and that's a good thing. It plays out rather well, though there are a few hiccups: the scene with the doctor lecturing at a medical conference is a little boring, plus the girls never try to swarm Kevin (which I'm sure is probably the first thing that most people would try in this situation). The final act may be a little too goofy for some; Kevin basically becomes a cannibal Spider-Man. Oh well, there are worse Spider-Man movies out there. The movie ends with a call back to Unbreakable, which if you haven't seen that movie (like me) will come off as a big WTF moment.
   Perhaps the main selling point of Split is James McAvoy's performance. He plays no less than six personalities in this film, from a nerdy germophobe to an innocent nine year old boy, all with an air of uneasy creepiness. I can't think of a better actor they could've gotten for this role. The other actors all do a fine job, especially Anna Taylor-Joy as Casey.
   On the whole Split is a decent thriller with an intriguing plot, commendable acting, and cool direction. It's hard to believe that such an effective film was made on a budget of only $9 million. If it's a flick that sounds interesting to you, then I'd recommend giving it a try.


Grade: three and a half out of five.

Saturday 28 January 2017

Movie Review Repost - The Three Stooges (2012)

I've been thinking about the 3 Stooges a lot recently. Why, I don't know. I guess when you grow up seeing the handiwork of comedic geniuses it really sticks with you. I guess they're sort of an acquired taste; you'll either love them or hate them. But my two brothers and I all think they're great. Here's the review I wrote in April 2012 for the 3 Stooges movie. My thoughts on it remain the same; it wasn't great, but it could've been way worse. And the only part of the film anyone cares about - the stooges - were done perfectly. In retrospect it's kind of funny that the pop culture references (Jersey Shore, Kardashian jokes) intended to make the thing more relatable to contemporary audiences end up dating the film. I mean, when was the last time you heard anything about Jersey Shore?

   I'm baaaaaaaaaack! It's the first movie review I've done in three months. Last night I saw the Three Stooges. You know, it's not everyday that you see a movie based on a 60 year old TV show and that spends another 10 years in development hell. Is this the movie that 3 Stooges fans – like myself – have been waiting for?
   The answer is yes! In fact the movie feels a lot like a really long 3 Stooges episode. It borrows the classic sound effects and even lifts some plot points from the show. It uses many of the same jokes (wordplay, puns, physical humour, etc.) as well, which I didn't mind. Of course the movie has its fair share of decent original jokes. There's a few pop culture jokes that are mediocre, but it doesn't ruin the experience. Surprisingly, the funniest jokes by far are the cruel dark humour jokes that I was totally not expecting to see in a 3 Stooges movie. But I won't dare spoil them for you here.
   I was blown away by the casting for the Three Stooges; it was perfect! Sasso, Hayes, and Diamantopoulos look, talk and behave exactly like the original stooges! Unfortunately, with the exception of that nun played by Larry David, the rest of the cast is kind of forgettable.
   Keep in mind, this is the the Three Stooges, so don't expect a cinematic masterpiece here. The plot is a little dumb, but like I said, it's basically just a long episode. In this movie, the stooges live in an orphanage until adulthood because nobody wanted to adopt them. When the orphanage is about to be shut down due to lack of funds, Moe, Larry, and Curly are sent out to find the money to keep the orphanage running. There's a few boring scenes about the orphans who you won't really care about, but don't worry; they're not very long. And in case you (or your kids) were wondering, the violence isn't real; there's a short PSA at the end telling kids to not try this at home.
   Ultimately, this film is probably the best that can be done with the Three Stooges. It is a must-see for Three Stooges fans or even just slapstick fans in general.

Final Rating: Two and a half stars out of five.

Saturday 21 January 2017

Movie Review Mistakes?

You know how sometimes you rewatch a movie and you find your opinion of it has changed? That happens to me sometimes, even to movies that I've already written reviews for. While a lot of thought goes into my reviews – and believe me I try to include my thoughts on every aspect of a film before judging it here – there are a few times where I've realized that my judgment was incorrect. There's a couple times where I was too harsh on a movie and there's also a few times where I was being too generous. So on this article I'm going to clarify my current thoughts on some movies that I've reviewed in the past. This isn't me rewriting history (the original ratings still stand and I still very much have confidence in my own writing), and these aren't mistakes. Think of these as updated opinions on films of whom I now think differently. Let's take a look.

X-Men: First Class (2011); I gave 3/5, should've given 3.5/5
In my original review for this flick – the second I ever wrote, by the way – I called the film “a mixed bag” that was full of plot holes. While I do acknowledge that there are a bunch of logical fallicies in First Class, I don't think that they are that much of a hindrance to the audience's enjoyment of it. I mean when it gets to the point where I'm criticizing the fact that First Class doesn't fit into the timeline of the other X-Men films, you know I must be nitpicking. (Because pretty much every X-Men film has that problem!) The movie still has a lot of fun moments and gripping action scenes. Don't be afraid to give this one a try.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012); I gave 4.5/5, should've given 3/5
What was I smoking? Yeah, Andrew Garfield was alright, the romance was good, the special effects were more advanced than the original trilogy, and the overall tone was less cheesy. But as a whole, Amazing Spider-Man is a mess. Instead of an awkward nerdy loser, Peter Parker is now portrayed as a skateboarding hipster. (I mentioned this in my original review, but didn't make it clear whether that was good or bad. While some might prefer this version of Peter, I wouldn't consider it ideal.) The Lizard sucks, big time. He has pretty much no motivation for being a bad guy, his plan comes out of nowhere (Peter discovers it conveniently edited into a video ready to go on Conners' laptop), and just like most of the Spider-Man movie villains he may or may not have a split personality disorder. In short, the Lizard is forgettable. Did anybody else notice that Peter just gives up the search for his uncle's killer? How about the part where Peter breaks his promise to a dying Captain Stacy to stay away from his daughter? Oh yeah, they also sequel-baited the hell out of this. And we all know how that turned out. Overall, Amazing Spider-Man isn't a horrible movie, but I'd take the original (2002) over it any day.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012); I gave 4/5, should've given 3/5
Bloated: that's what this movie is. There's so much going on, there's so many ethical issues debated, and the thing is just too dang long. Repeated viewings of Dark Knight Rises really shows how boring it can be. And I never thought a movie with Anne Hathaway in a Catwoman outfit could possibly be boring! For a movie with Batman's nickname in the title, where on earth is Batman? He – as Batman, not Bruce Wayne – has probably around 30-35 minutes of screen time in a 165 minute film. The romances come out of nowhere, the super-prison is so lax that even a child was able to escape it, and another child was able to figure out that Bruce Wayne was Batman because... reasons. And worst of all, how did Bruce Wayne make it to a military quarantined city after being stranded on the other side of the world so quickly without anyone noticing? Who cares? Trilogy over.

Iron Man 3 (2013); I gave 4/5, should've given 3.5/5
This movie was pretty good. Maybe not 4/5 good as I said four years ago, but still good. The only thing that's changed for me is that the reveal of who's really behind the Mandarin attacks is a little disappointing. Nevertheless, Iron Man 3 is remains a pretty fun movie that I still enjoy.

Monsters University (2013); I gave 4/5, should've given 3.5/5
Same as above: the film's good, just not as good as I once made it out to be. The plot lines aren't terribly original and since the movie is a prequel, you already know how it's going to end; no matter how hard Mike Wazowski tries to become a scarer you know he's going to fail. Despite this though, Monster University's still alright.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014); I gave 2.5/5, should've given 2/5
You thought the first movie was a mess? Wait until you get a load of this one. This is where the second Spider-Man series became unworkable, just as Spider-Man 3 did for the first series seven years earlier. But I would rather watch that movie than this one because you can at least tell what's going on. In Amazing Spider-Man 2 there are way too many plotlines and they make the series take a turn for the weird. For example, Peter's dad apparently had a secret hidden laboratory in an abandoned subway station for some reason. Electro is basically a cross between the Riddler from Batman Forever and a Care Bears villain. When he first becomes Electro the electricity fixes the gap in his teeth. Seriously. Also, Gwen Stacy is pretty dumb, always throwing herself into dangerous situations. Her death comes as no surprise. The events of the ending five minutes could (and should) have been stretched out and repackaged as the third movie. I mentioned a lot of these problems in my review, but it just recently hit me that they really do impede on the viewers' ability to enjoy the movie and its overall cohesiveness. I was being a little too charitable.

Project Almanac (2015); I gave 2.5/5, should've given 2/5
Speaking of being too charitable... Project what? Not only was this a forgettable movie, but even by found-footage movie standards this flick barely had any effort put into it. From what I remember, the characters were nothing special, just bratty self-centred teenagers willing to manipulate others to get what they want. And how did the chick not realize that the main character dude was manipulating past events in order to score with her? She's a time-traveller too, so how did she miss putting two and two together? If the dude time travels back to a time he was at before, then shouldn't there be two of him in that location at that point in time? How is a time travel machine able to transport people across vast distances? Why are there so many unanswered questions in Project Almanac?

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015); I gave 4.5/5, should've given 4/5
Before you start cursing my name and rioting in the streets, just hear me out. Age of Ultron is good, very good. It's just not 4.5 good. Compare this to the first Avengers movie from 2012. In retrospect, that movie was somewhat standard with a very straightforward, no frills plot, but it deserves a 4.5/5 because it was satisfying to finally see the culmination of several years worth of movies. Seeing all the Marvel characters come together, crack jokes, and kick ass was in itself kickass. Aside from adding a few new characters to the mix and slightly more nuanced plot details, Age of Ultron didn't really build upon what the last movie had established. While Age of Ultron does a lot of things very well, it feels at times like it's just going through the motions. But I still think it's good. OK?

Jurassic World (2015); I gave 3.5/5, should've given 2.5/5
How on earth did this movie become the fourth highest-grossing film of all time? Remember the first Jurassic Park movie? The suspense, the terror, the sense of wonder. This movie throws it all out the window with an extremely predictable plot, tension-free action scenes that lead right where you think they will, and bored main characters who aren't impressed with dinosaurs anymore – possibly because instead of using animatronic dinosaurs for closeups, Jurassic World settles for CG for every shot. If you think that looks bad, just wait until you get a load of the ugly colour palette; everything is graded to blue/grey, making peoples' skin appear very orange-ish. Jurassic World had four writers working on it, which in most cases results in a jumbled and convoluted end product. But in this case, the film ends up being just a dull, predictable rehash.

Straight Outta Compton (2015); I gave 3.5/5, should've given 4/5
Here's another movie I should've given more credit to. The casting, music, directing, and editing were all fantastic and full of energy. Sure, it plays it safe a lot. Sure, it's idealized and romanticized. But it still stands as a compelling entry in the musical biopic genre.

Jason Bourne (2016); I gave 2/5, should've given 1.5/5
Dang. In my original review I called Jason Bourne “a semi-competently made film”. Even that was giving this movie too much credit. Once you've seen this movie, there's no point in ever seeing it again other than to squint at it even harder just so you can fail again to make any sense of those unwatchable action scenes! I forgot to mention that Tommy Lee Jones is in this movie playing the role of... let's face it, Tommy Lee Jones. He's just there doing his same grumpy old man thing. Remember when I said that Matt Damon was “good”? I meant that he was still good at doing action. When it comes to playing the part of the titular agent, he does nothing to add to this character's personality thanks to his extremely sparse dialogue. It's the same problem as with the Bourne Supremacy and the Bourne Ultimatum: there is simply nothing to this character. By now, Jason Bourne isn't compelling at all. This, in combination with the copy-and-paste plot, makes for a bafflingly uncreative and underwhelming comeback movie. It offers nothing that its predecessors didn't. Like I said, there's just no point.

Suicide Squad (2016); I gave 2.5/5, should've given 2/5
My final recommendation for this film remains unchanged. What has changed is that I now see what the critics mean. Suicide Squad is a mess. From the scattershot tone to the overload of exposition, plot points that go nowhere (e.g. Katana's sword is never used to trap the souls of its victims), a jumpy, disjointed narrative, a bunch of nonsense (e.g. how is the team expected to counter Superman-level threats when most of its members don't have real superpowers?), and violence against women presented as humourous and/or sexy – it's quite clear that there were tons of rewrites and significant portions of the film left on the cutting room floor. In some cases this is a good thing; the less we see of Jared Leto's Joker, the better. And making Enchantress, a member of the team, into the main bad guy is just lame and disappointing. Though I guess it does make sense since she's easily the most uncontrollable, craziest, and least trustworthy member of the team. Dangit Amanda Waller, everything in this movie is your fault! Why didn't you get in trouble for this? I'll still commend Suicide Squad for trying something different from the rest of the DC movies, but there's no denying that the final result is faux-edgy, juvenile, and not all that great.

Saturday 14 January 2017

Unboxing the Paranoid Super Deluxe Edition

If you read my article ranking all of original Black Sabbath's songs in December, then you'll know that I'm a pretty big Black Sabbath fan. (And if you didn't read it, then the preceding sentence has more than likely tipped you off.) They're one of my favourite rock/heavy metal bands ever and their groundbreaking second album, Paranoid (1970), is one of my favourite albums ever. So as you can imagine, my eyes popped out of my head when I learned that Paranoid was coming out as a 4-disc Super Deluxe Edition. I waited until after Christmas to order it from Amazon for $44 (Canadian) and it arrived just as I was shovelling snow in the windswept subarctic desert that I call my neighbourhood. So let's open this bad boy, shall we?

It's a decent weight. Feels solid enough. I've taken the shrink wrap off, but I almost feel bad for throwing it away since it has a sticker that lists everything included in the package – the only place on the whole thing where such a list exists. Oh well. At least the back of the box gives us a complete track list. The original artwork looks fabulous (and just as quirky as ever). And the header text is in glorious pink and purple. Nice.
Like I said, the box feels solid. It's got a wide, front-side lid which makes the box spread open just a bit when stood up. I would've preferred a thin box with a jacket-style lid – you know, the kind that DVD box sets often come in.
The first thing the set gives us is the 60 page hardcover booklet. This thing looks cool, good quality, in colour. I haven't finished reading it yet, but it goes over the band's early history and the album's recording process and includes lots of interviews, pictures, concert advertisements, and period newspaper clippings. Neat! Next up is the 16 page replica tour program pamphlet by the Chrysalis Group. Kind of cool. I don't think it's especially interesting but it does spotlight a couple other bands of the era: Freedom and Curved Air.
After that we have the one-sided poster, approximately 55x54 cm. It sure looks cool, what with the signature Paranoid font and colours, though in my opinion there are better photos of the band they could've used for this.
And now on to the discs. Each one comes in a plastic sleeve inside a folding cardboard sleeve, a lot like a vinyl record. Unfortunately the plastic sleeve – which I'm not sure is even necessary, by the way – is really flimsy and it folds and scrunches whenever I try putting the disc back in the cardboard case. The cases all look great and the two live albums have very stylish and psychedelic designs. Excellent job there.
Lastly, there's the music itself. Disc 1 is the 2009 remaster of Paranoid. It sounds good, more cleaned up than the 1990 Warner Bros. Music edition that I bought previously. For example, “War Pigs” no longer has that noticeable volume increase during the second half of the second verse. And maybe it's just me but it seems like the bass has been turned up. I especially find this the case with “Electric Funeral”.
Disc 2 is the same album, just the quadraphonic mix of it originally released in 1974, now on CD for the first time. I don't have a home stereo to properly support this mix, but I promise that if and when I eventually get one this is going to be the first album I play on it! Of course you could just try playing it in your car, but it'll only sound right if you sit in the exact centre of your vehicle. (DISCLAIMER'S NOTE: do not attempt to drive around while sitting in the centre of your vehicle's interior!) TONY'S NOTE: do it!
Disc 3 is the previously unreleased live recording at Montreux in August 1970, before Paranoid even came out. It sounds great – Ozzy's voice sounds clear and crisp when compared to the songs' studio recordings – though the intro and the encore applause parts do drag on a bit. For some reason, the track list doesn't include the closer “Rat Salad”. Still, this album is an interesting piece of heavy metal history.
But if you ask me, Disc 4 is the much better live recording included here. It's a Black Sabbath concert from Brussels in October 1970 which can be found on video on YouTube (though the video titles erroneously list it as “Live in Paris”). This recording sounds moodier and Ozzy interacts with the crowd a bit more here, such as when he yells at the crowd to clap to the opening of “Iron Man”. This recording also includes Tony Iommi playing “Black Sabbath” with a sinister opening guitar solo which sounds awesome. The only downside is that in both of these live albums, the bass is hard to hear. This kind of blemishes the renditions of “Hand of Doom”. Otherwise, the Brussels concert is a great, historic recording that I'd listen to any time. What's interesting is that each of these live recordings sometimes have alternate lyrics like in “Hand of Doom” and “Iron Man”. The Montreux concert recording has Ozzy singing “War Pigs's” original “Walpurgis” lyrics.
Overall, this Paranoid Super Deluxe Edition box set is sweet. Even though one of its discs is functionally useless to me (right now, at least), it has enough extras and a professional presentation that handily earns the set's price tag. If you're a big fan of classic Sabbath then consider checking this one out. You'll like it.

Saturday 7 January 2017

Talkin' Jive: Guns N' Roses, Part 4

   Remember that three-part series I did on Guns N' Roses last April? Remember the article I wrote on the soundtrack/bootleg/whatever called Guns Box: Attitude for Destruction? Well it turns out that there's another such collection of GNR-related music floating around known as The Many Faces of Guns N' Roses and in light of my previous GNR articles it's my duty to shed some light on it. So let's take a look.
   This is yet another multi-disc collection – made in 2014 – of Guns N' Roses music brought to us by Walmart, and for $12.88, only 88¢ more than Guns Box. Does this make it worth it? Well I didn't actually buy it but I have done some research on it so I don't really need to listen to it to know what it's like. (More on that later.) The packaging is way better this time around. For starters, it actually has the balls to use the Guns N' Roses name, unlike Guns Box. Second, the cover art looks nice, very close to some “official “versions of the classic GNR logo I've seen. Third, the set comes on three discs inside one of those folding cardboard CD cases – no multiple, cumbersome jewel cases in a loose cardboard sleeve this time. And lastly, the track listing on the back is in a neat, square, easy to read list. However, it isn't free from mistakes. For example, “Last Cigarette”, the Hollywood Roses song from Guns Box is now erroneously attributed to Hollywood Rose. At least they fixed the “Sex Action” mistake this time; on this album there really is “Sex Action” and not “Love and Hate”.
   Now let's talk about the music. The reason I don't need to buy this set to know what's on it is because much of this album is just the same songs from Guns Box. They're all there: the first two discs include most of the Hollywood Rose demos, the L.A. Guns rockers, and the Tracey Guns/Gilby Clarke collaborations. There are a few differences, though. This album has more L.A. Guns covers of songs originally done by Def Leppard, Thin Lizzy, and Bon Jovi. Thankfully that horrible rendition of “Paradise City” is now gone, but the crappy versions of “Don't Cry” and “Patience” still remain. The good news is “You're Crazy” and “Sweet Child O' Mine” – the best tracks from Guns Box – make a return. The most interesting inclusion here is a rendition of “Nice Boys” actually performed by Guns N' Roses themselves. It sounds very similar – but not exactly alike – to the version officially released on the 1985 faux-live EP Live ?!*@ Like a Suicide. The vocals sound slightly different and there's no audience track playing, so maybe this was an outtake or a demo for that album or something.
   And then there's the third disc. It's just a collection of 1980's hair/pop metal music that, aside from just one L.A. Guns song, has nothing to do with Guns N' Roses. Seriously? This is the type of music that GNR stood against. They'd be embarrassed to be lumped together with the likes of such jokers as Warrant, Poison, and even Winger. Freakin' Winger! Did anybody – even back then – ever think Winger was cool? Where's Motley Crue? Where's Whitesnake? Where's Dokken? Those guys were actually good. But no, apart from one good Ratt song (“Round and Round”) the third disc is just that cheap, disposable, superficial calibre of glam rock one can find on any old $4 no-name brand compilations rack not worthy of the GNR name.
   And there you have it: The Many Faces of Guns N' Roses. Is it any better than Guns Box: Attitude for Destruction? On the whole, not really. The only things it does better than that album is better packaging (which, let's face it, isn't that big a deal) and that one early Guns N' Roses demo of “Nice Boys”. So completionists, take note. For everyone else, the extra disc for 88¢ is simply not worth it.