Movie Review Repost - Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

So far you've seen a few of my movie reviews, but those were all for good movies. I think it's time you guys saw what one of my bad-movie reviews looks like. It's a shame that reviews of bad movies are way more fun to write and yet I rarely go see bad movies (mainly because no one ever wants to go with me to see it). Oh well. Here's the worst movie I've ever written a current review for: Transformers: Age of Extinction. And just so you know, I 100% stand by everything I said here. I believe that you'll find the Extinction in the subtitle refers only to what'll happen to your brain cells while watching this... thing.

Why did I do this?! To be honest, I didn't think Transformers 4 was going to be any good but I hoped that at least Michael Bay would have learned a lesson or two from the negative reception of the previous films. But no, this one is cut from the same cloth.

If you've seen any of the previous Transformers films, then everything about Age of Extinction will be extremely familiar to you: evil government guys are bad at their job of protecting people, evil big businessmen are greedy and really unfunny, product placements are plentiful, and there's not one, but two annoying comic relief characters who aren't funny. Again we have a handful of somewhat predictable character-building scenes that don't go on for very long because we need to make room for a bagillion action scenes. Transformers 4 also suffers from the series' two main problems (besides an overly complicated plot): (1) the Transformers aren't the main characters. Instead we're saddled with a bunch of snarky, immature American humans who aren't terribly interesting. And (2), this film is BORING! I was already bored out of my mind even before the hyperactive, 45ish minute-long climax. Why do these movies have to be so insufferably long?

But enough about recurring problems, because Age of Extinction has enough problems of its own. Our main character is a tech nerd played by Mark Wahlberg. 'Nuff said. Our female lead is a useless dummy. And Optimus Prime often shouts crazed threats like a shell-shocked lunatic. As for the rest of the Autobots, there's a reason why they're not the main characters: they each have no personality and only one defining characteristic. They're also really trigger happy and undisciplined. They spend about as much time fighting bad guys as they do each other.

Michael Bay's direction has changed little over this series. He still treats his audience to obnoxious US flags, excessive shaky cam, randomly placed slow-mo and quiet moments, and explosion after explosion after explosion after explosion. And of course every woman in this world is a single-minded hot chick who wears revealing clothing. Lastly, Bay's frequent use of sweeping camera shots and shaky cam do not lend themselves well to 3D. Avoid 3D viewing if you can.

Is there anything good about this film at all? Well it isn't nearly as racist as the others were (instead there's a robot who talks exactly like Mr. T). Shia LaBeouf is gone, which should make some people happy. There's also an Autobot voiced by John Goodman who's actually kind of fun, though he does get a little grating by the film's end. Likewise, the special effects are very good, but after two and a half hours mostly of exhausting action they don't make much of a difference.

Man, was this a chore to sit through. The only truly fun moments came from a couple of the earlier action scenes. I'll give it credit, it isn't as bad as Transformers 2 (there isn't nearly as much blatant sex appeal and nutty humour; also I haven't seen the third one). Hardcore fans of the series will like it I'm sure, but for everyone else Transformers: Age of Extinction is just a huge waste of time and money.

Rating: one star out of five.