All Songs, Best to Worst: Nirvana

Rounding out this most recent trilogy of All Songs Ranked is my countdown of Nirvana, one of the defining bands of the 1990's. It wasn't the first or most talented alternative band around, but it was one of the most influential and energetic. Nirvana was a band with the right attitude that came around at just the right time to become the vanguard of the alternative and grunge movements. Combining alternative music with punk sensibilities, Nirvana's music challenged its audience with music that sounded very different to what was on the radio and, as was the case with 1993's In Utero, wasn't always easy to listen to. It was, however, music that changed the world and today I'm going to countdown every one of Nirvana's 53 songs from best to worst. Since the band only released three studio albums, I'm also going to be including songs from 1992's Incesticide and 2002's Nirvana. Also, no live albums. Here we go.

1. “Aneurysm”, Incesticide (1992)

2. “In Bloom”, Nevermind (1991)

3. “Heart-Shaped Box”, In Utero (1993)

4. “Lithium”, Nm

5. “About a Girl”, Bleach (1989)

6. “School”, B

7. “You Know You're Right”, Nirvana (2002)

8. “Pennyroyal Tea”, IU

9. “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, Nm

10. “Dive”, I

11. “Come as You Are”, Nm

12. “Milk It”, IU

13. “Something in the Way”, Nm

14. “Blew”, B

15. “Breed”, Nm

16. “Negative Creep”, B

17. “Aero Zeppelin”, I

18. “Territorial Pissings”, Nm

19. “Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle”, IU

20. “All Apologies”, IU

21. “On a Plain”, Nm

22. “Paper Cuts”, B

23. “Love Buzz”, B

24. “Scentless Apprentice”, IU

25. “Big Long Now”, I

26. “Hairspray Queen”, I

27. “Serve the Servants”, IU

28. “Been A Son”, I

29. “Dumb”, IU

30. “Lounge Act”, Nm

31. “Very Ape”, IU

32. “Mexican Seafood”, I

33. “Sliver”, I

34. “Turnaround”, I

35. “Radio-Friendly Unit Shifter”, IU

36. “Mr. Moustache”, B

37. “Swap Meet”, B

38. “Drain You”, Nm

39. “Polly”, Nm

40. “Endless, Nameless”, Nm

41. “Rape Me”, IU

42. “Scoff”, B

43. “Floyd the Barber”, B

44. “Son of a Gun”, I

45. “New Wave Polly”, I

46. “Molly's Lips”, I

47. “Tourette's”, IU

48. “Sifting”, B

49. “Big Cheese”, B

50. “Stay Away”, Nm

51. “Beeswax”, I

52. “Stain”, I

53. “Downer”, B

All Songs, Best to Worst: Led Zeppelin

The time has come to talk about Led Zeppelin. But what can I say about them that's not been said already? They're one of – if no the – greatest hard rock bands that ever existed. They've influenced countless bands, pioneered whole new genres of rock n' roll, and sold hundreds of millions of records. They're one of the heaviest bands ever and without them hard rock would sound very different today.

How can one describe Led Zeppelin's sound? It's a bit of everything, a mix of hard rock, blues, old school rock and roll, heavy metal, folk, funk rock, and progressive rock. Sometimes it was several of these genres in a single song! Listening to the band's music one can tell that Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham weren't content to stay put in the confines of just one box. They wanted to do everything and they did it well. So to celebrate their rich legacy I'm going to list all 80 of their songs (from the nine main albums) from best to worst. And just for the record, this is the hardest songs rankings list I've had to do yet, mostly because I don't really consider any Led Zeppelin song to be bad. It's just that some are way, way better than others.

1. “Stairway to Heaven”, Led Zeppelin IV (1971)

2. “Kashmir”, Physical Graffiti (1975)

3. “Whole Lotta Love”, Led Zeppelin II (1969)

4. “Heartbreaker”, LZ II

5. “When the Levee Breaks”, LZ IV

6. “Immigrant Song”, Led Zeppelin III (1970)

7. “In My Time of Dying”, PG

8. “Moby Dick”, LZ II

9. “The Ocean”, Houses of the Holy (1973)

10. “No Quarter”, HOTH

11. “Dazed and Confused”, Led Zeppelin (1969)

12. “Black Dog”, LZ IV

13. “Rock and Roll”, LZ IV

14. “Wearing and Tearing”, Coda (1982)

15. “Babe I'm Gonna Leave You”, LZ

16. “The Lemon Song”, LZ II

17. “Bring it on Home”, LZ II

18. “The Rain Song”, HOTH

19. “Communication Breakdown”, LZ

20. “That's the Way”, LZ III

21. “I Can't Quit You Baby”, C

22. “The Battle of Evermore”, LZ IV

23. “Houses of the Holy”, PG

24. “Custard Pie”, PG

25. “Ten Years Gone”, PG

26. “Since I've Been Loving You”, LZ III

27. “Going to California”, LZ IV

28. “In the Light”, PG

29. “Good Times Bad Times”, LZ

30. “Achilles Last Stand”, Presence (1976)

31. “D'Yer Maker”, HOTH

32. “The Crunge”, HOTH

33. “I Can't Quit You Baby”, LZ

34. “Ramble On”, LZ II

35. “What is and What Should Never Be”, LZ II

36. “Misty Mountain Hop”, LZ IV

37. “Four Sticks”, LZ IV

38. “Fool in the Rain”, In Through the Out Door (1979)

39. “The Rover”, PG

40. “Bron Y Aur Stomp”, LZ III

41. “Walter's Walk”, C

42. “Living Loving Maid”, LZ II

43. “Tangerine”, LZ III

44. “Hots on For Nowhere”, P

45. “Dancing Days”, HOTH

46. “Candy Store Rock”, P

47. “You Shook Me”, LZ

48. “Down By the Seaside”, PG

49. “Friends”, LZ III

50. “Thank You”, LZ II

51. “Royal Orleans”, P

52. “Ozone Baby”, C

53. “Nobody's Fault But Mine”, P

54. “Bonzo's Montreux”, C

55. “How Many More Times”, LZ

56. “I'm Gonna Crawl”, ITTOD

57. “Trampled Under Foot”, PG

58. “The Song Remains the Same”, HOTH

59. “Black Country Woman”, PG

60. “Sick Again”, PG

61. “For Your Life”, P

62. “Darlene”, C

63. “Over the Hills and Far Away”, HOTH

64. “Celebration Day”, LZ III

65. “All My Love”, ITTOD

66. “Hot Dog”, ITTOD

67. “Boogie With Stu”, PG

68. “We're Gonna Grove”, C

69. “Your Time is Gonna Come”, LZ

70. “Black Mountain Side”, LZ

71. “Out on the Tiles”, LZ III

72. “The Wanton Song”, PG

73. “South Bound Saurez”, ITTOD

74. “Poor Tom”, C

75. “Carouselambra”, ITTOD

76. “Hats Off to Roy Harper”, LZ III

77. “Bron-Yr-Aur”, PG

78. “Night Flight”, PG

79. “Tea For One”, P

80. “In the Evening”, ITTOD

All Songs, Best to Worst: Audioslave

Like anyone with good taste in music I was saddened to hear of the untimely passing of Chris Cornell, one of the most gifted singers of his generation, certainly one of my favourites. I thought it would be appropriate to kick off this third round of Ranking All Songs (first batch since last December) with some of Cornell's and since I haven't heard all of Soundgarden's songs I'm going to rank all of Audioslave's songs.

Audioslave was definitely a unique band during its short lifespan in the 2000's. It mixed hard rock with the 90's alternative sound. This is hardly surprising given where Chris Cornell came from as well as the other three bandmates, the instrumentalists from Rage Against the Machine. The band didn't start off too well. The band's name was rather dull. In addition the first album wasn't great; the songs mostly sounded the same and their sound was basically just Rage but with a different singer. But there were a couple hits that rocked well. With their second album, the band matured to become more than the sum of its parts and had established its own sound. The third album – the best in my opinion – continued expanding the band's sonic palette with forays into funk rock and R&B. The band only made three albums, but they're decent modern rock albums and we should be thankful for the time we had with Audioslave. So read on and enjoy my ranking of all 36 of Audioslave's songs from best to worst.

1. “Be Yourself”, Out of Exile (2005)

2. “Like A Stone”, Audioslave (2002)

3. “Doesn't Remind Me”, OOE

4. “Shadow On the Sun”, A

5. “Revelations”, Revelations (2006)

6. “#1 Zero”, OOE

7. “Moth”, R

8. “Until We Fall”, R

9. “Gasoline”, A

10. “Shape of Things to Come”, R

11. “Cochise”, A

12. “Set it Off”, A

13. “Jewel of the Summertime”, R

14. “Out of Exile”, OOE

15. “Man or Animal”, OOE

16. “Your Time Has Come”, OOE

17. “One and the Same”, R

18. “Getaway Car”, A

19. “Broken City”, R

20. “I Am the Highway”, A

21. “Show Me How to Live”, A

22. “Dandelion”, OOE

23. “The Curse”, OOE

24. “Nothing Left to Say But Goodbye”, R

25. “What You Are”, A

26. “Yesterday to Tomorrow”, OOE

27. “Sound of a Gun”, R

28. “Somedays”, R

29. “The Worm”, OOE

30. “Drown Me Slowly”, OOE

31. “Light My Way”, A

32. “Original Fire”, R

33. “Hypnotize”, A

34. “Exploder”, A

35. “Wide Awake”, R

36. “The Last Remaining Light”, A

Spider-Man Movies Highs and Lows

It's been a while since I did a high-low list. Well since this series has now had its sixth film – and third re-imagining – I think now would be a good time to take a look at the best and worst of the Spider-Man movies. And unlike the other high-low lists I've done, this one is after the new film's release so expect to see elements from Spider-Man: Homecoming here. Enjoy!

Best Movie: Spider-Man 2 (2004)

Worst Movie: Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Funniest Movie: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Best Spider-Man Actor: Andrew Garfield (ASM, ASM2)

Best Peter Parker Actor: Tobey Maguire (SM, SM2, SM3)

Best Villain: Green Goblin (Spider-Man, 2002)

Most Disappointing Villain: Venom (Spider-Man 3, 2007)

Worst Villain: Rhino (ASM2)

Worst Main Villain: Lizard (Amazing Spider-Man, 2012)

Best Villain Introduction/Origin: Sandman (SM3)

Best-Acted Villain: Michael Keaton as the Vulture (SMH)

Best Love Interest: Either Mary Jane or Gwen Stacy. Too close to call. Sorry.

Worst Love Interest: Liz (SMH)

Best Aunt May: Rosemary Harris (SM, SM2, SM3)

Least Interesting Aunt May: Marisa Tomei (SMH)

Best Uncle Ben: Cliff Robertson (SM)

Best Side Character: J. Jonah Jameson (SM, SM2, SM3)

Most Puzzling Choice of Actor: Topher Grace as Eddie Brock/Venom (SM3)

Most Out-of-Nowhere Character: Bernard, Harry's butler (SM3)

Best Special Effects: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Worst Special Effects: Spider-Man

Best Action Scene: Spider-Man vs. Dr. Octopus (SM2)

Most Brutal Death: Green Goblin (SM)

Best Characterization of New York City, for better or worse: Spider-Man

Silliest Moment: Peter dancing at the nightclub (SM3)

Stupidest Moment: Reporter chick commentating the final fight scene (SM3)

Worst U.S. Flag Moment: Spider-Man 3

Movie Whose High School Characters Actually Look Like They Belong in High School: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Best Spider-Man Costume: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Worst Costume: Green Goblin (SM)

Best Musical Score: Spider-Man

Best Stan Lee Cameo: Amazing Spider-Man

Best Bruce Campbell Cameo: Spider-Man 2

Most Accurate Portrayal of Web Shooters: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Most Easter Eggs/Name Drops: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Most Shameful Sequel-baiting: Amazing Spider-Man 2

Announcement: New Blog Name

Hello, readers. Tony here with a special announcement: I'm changing my blog's name. By August's end, this site will no longer be known as Anachronarchy, but instead as Arnold's Benediction. I've been considering changing the blog's name for several weeks now, mostly because Anachronarchy sounds kind of silly. Yes, I thought it was cool at first -- plus there were no other websites with that word in it -- but now it seems tacky. Plus, there's the problem of nobody knowing how to pronounce the word.
So I've gone with Arnold's Benediction because I guess you could say that this blog is my way of bestowing my personal blessing (and curses) on that which I see fit to criticize. Also, while I don't personally know anyone named Arnold, the title does sound like Benedict Arnold which I think makes sound catchy and is easier to remember.
(For those of you curious as to my opinions of Benedict Arnold, I think the significance of his defection from the US is greatly overplayed. He was an accomplished Major General with the Continental Army, but once he switched sides his contribution to the British war effort was minor. Despite a life of controversy, his family laid down roots in Canada and became landowners and settlers.)
The name changeover will take place on 31 August. And take note that the site's URL address will likely change as well. (If you can't find this site then I'm sure a Google search of "arnold's benediction blog" will turn it up.)
See ya later!

Movie Review -- Dunkirk

   A blockbuster WWII movie whose story has nothing to do with the USA? A Christopher Nolan movie that isn't two and a half hours long? A WWII movie about the Allies losing a battle? Well, colour me interested. This is Dunkirk, a war film about the miraculous evacuation of British and French troops across the English Channel during the late stages of the disastrous Battle of France.

   One thing to know about Dunkirk is that it tells three different (fictional) stories with differing durations which don't always take place at the same time. The first, The Mole, follows Tommy, a British trooper trying to find a way off the beach. The second, The Sea, is about civilian yachtsmen who sail out to assist in the evacuation. And the third story concerns Spitfire pilots flying across the channel to provide air cover for the soldiers on the beach. In typical Nolan fashion, time is structurally warped from scene to scene to create a story that is still cohesive. Only at the film's climax do the three stories converge.

   Comparable to war movies like Black Hawk Down (2001), Dunkirk is one of those war films whose primary focus is on the current moment, eschewing the philosophical themes typically found throughout Nolan's filmography. There's not much backstory – or even much dialogue at all in some scenes – and the story's emotional weight is carried by what's not said, like frightened soldiers turning their heads to the sky or a shell-shocked trooper crouched alone atop a capsized vessel. This means that the action is put on the forefront, making Dunkirk a very intense, though not remarkably violent, movie.

   The tradeoff to this focus on spectacle is that less emphasis is placed on characterization. The characters aren't uninteresting, but you will struggle to remember their names. There's even a couple characters I had trouble telling apart! The acting is pretty good throughout, though I'd say the best performances belong to Mark Rylance as Mr. Dawson the mariner and Cillian Murphy as the Shivering Soldier.

   As mentioned earlier, Dunkirk's visuals take centre stage. That suits this movie just fine, especially when you've got a director shooting in IMAX and 70mm film, with breathtaking shots, exquisitely detailed sets, props, and costumes, and extensive use of practical effects. In addition to being a sight to behold, Dunkirk is also an audio marvel. The sound design gives each weight to each bullet fired and each rumbling explosion. The score by Hans Zimmer also goes a long way to adding to the film's tension, just as with 2008's The Dark Knight.

   And that's Dunkirk, a gripping war film with stellar production value and the outstanding directing that Christopher Nolan is known for. Is it one of the best war films ever made as some critics are suggesting? It's tough to say since there are so many different types of war movies. I'd say that at least for the combat-action subgenre of war films this is one of the best in quite a long time. So you oughtta watch it.

Grade:

The Real Deal -- Star Wars Ep. II: Attack of the Clones (2002)

  Welcome to another new segment I'm debuting today called “The Real Deal”, a series in which I look at movies that are even worse than people say. So to contrast with last week's defence of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, I'm going to spotlight the terribleness of its sequel, Attack of the Clones.

  Now just as I did with TPM, I'm going to preface this by listing all the things that I must concede about AOTC. For starters, there's less of Jar Jar Binks. That alone should earn a sigh of relief from Star Wars fans. Instead we're treated to Jango Fett, Boba Fett's slightly more competent father. Jango's pretty cool. He's got a cool character design, a couple cool action scenes, and he's got the cool voice of Temuera Morrison. And speaking of cool voices, this film has Christopher Lee as the mysterious Count Dooku. Too bad his character is underutilized. It's also a treat to see Ewan McGregor really getting into the role of Obi-Wan. Seeing the clone army being assembled for the first time is a sight to behold. Likewise, I think a small part of everyone's childhood dreams came true seeing dozens and dozens of Jedi knights in action all at once at the Geonosis arena scene. In short, there's enough here to keep Attack of the Clones from being the one of the worst movies ever.

  Nevertheless, it is easily the worst Star Wars film ever (if we're not counting the 1978 Holiday Special). I could talk about all the little things in Episode II that suck – the bumbling droid humour, Boba Fett being reduced to the status of clone, or the fact that Jango Fett really sucks when it comes to killing Padme – but no, we're going to talk about all the major problems behind this stinker.

  In stark contrast to TPM, AOTC throws practical effects completely out the window! Computer-generated effects are freakin' everywhere and as a result things look too plastic and weightless. And it looks terrible. The battle of Geonosis, the first time we see the clone army in action, is an eyesore. Saturday-morning-cartoonish looking CG clones and droids – seriously, they couldn't be bothered to make up just a handful of clone trooper outfits and put some actors in them? – clash in a nutmeg-sandstorm with bright blobs of energy bolts flashing all over the place. Even Yoda hasn't been spared this curse, having done away with the neat animatronics that brought him to life in TPM.

  One of the most noticeable problems of Attack of the Clones is that its main character, Anakin Skywalker... sucks. I tried thinking of one word that could sum up his faults, but so numerous were they that the word “sucks” was all I could think of. For starters, he is extremely whiny. He complains about stuff all the time: about why he's not a not a Jedi Knight yet, about how his master Obi-Wan is too harsh and is just holding him back, about how he needs to go to Tatooine and find his mommy, about how he wants the transport to land so he can pick up his love interest (instead of waiting just five minutes and possibly ending a war in the process), about how he wants to duel Count Dooku alone. Just shut up already! And all this is given the Hayden Christensen treatment with a high-pitched whine that also has a very wooden delivery to it. Though to be fair, he wasn't given much direction.

  Anakin's suckitude is really brought to bear in what is probably the worst romance I've ever seen in a movie. This romance between Anakin and Padme Amidala – the parents of Luke and Leia – has no chemistry whatsoever. Awkward, creepy Anakin comes off as some weirdo who's been spending the way too much time lusting over a pair of panties he stole from Padme a decade ago. Every rejection Padme initially makes towards his advances feels genuine. When she finally gives in and kisses him, it comes out of nowhere, as if she's kissing a dude who just ran over her dog with his car. It doesn't feel right, man! Actually, the truth is even worse. She still hooks up with the guy even after he admits to slaughtering a whole camp full of Tuskens, females, kids, and all. Padme sure knows how to pick 'em doesn't she?

  This horrible love affair is thanks in large part to the film's horrendous dialogue. Few lines in Attack of the Clones sound natural. For example, when Anakin confesses his aforementioned foray into mini genocide, Padme responds with, “to be angry is to be human.” Oh really!? He just slaughtered a whole village and her response is basically just, “Oh well. I don't blame you.” And let's not get started on Anakin's infamous sand diatribe. Most sentences sound very stiff. The language is strictly utilitarian, only serving to announce things that are happening.

  And that brings me to the biggest problem of them all: Attack of the Clones is extremely boring! There are twice as many long talking scenes as TPM, the plot is convoluted and dull, and the whole film is far longer than it has any right to be. Unlike TPM, AOTC has very few standout moments that are worth remembering. It all blends into a great big boring monstrosity.

  One time when I was about eleven years-old I was at a friend's house. This guy was a big Star Wars fan and he wanted me to watch his VHS copy of Episode II with him. Within the first half hour I was already on the other side of the room playing Hot Wheels. I think that says all you need to know about Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. While it's not a horrendously bad movie, there are still much better things you could be doing with your time. Worst Star Wars ever.