One Year Anniversary

Hey, folks! Next week is Anachronarchy's one year anniversary! Hooray! And since I'm going to be away next week, we're celebrating it today. Writing this blog has been a lot of fun and I'm glad that you guys - some of whom are from the far reaches of the globe - are getting some enjoyment out of following my mad ramblings. Thank you all for the support. In case you're interested I'll share some stats from the past year's worth of blogging. (All stats are as of today.)
This is a partial breakdown of my readers' country of origin:

• Canada, 68.3%
• USA, 11.4%
• France, 8.8%
• Portugal, 2.5%
• Poland, Russia each at 2.4%
• Germany, 0.9%

And this here is Anachronarchy's Top 10 most popular articles since its establishment, along with dates:

1. "Movie Review - Deadpool", 21 February 2016
2. "Movie Review - The Revenant", 17 January 2016
3. "Bond Film Rankings - Part 1", 26 March 2016
4. "Talkin' Jive: Guns N' Roses, Part 2", 23 April 2016
5. "Movie Review - Batman v Superman", 27 March 2016
6. "Movie Review - God's Not Dead 2", 19 April 2016
7. "Bond Film Rankings - Part 2", 8 April 2016
8. "Retrospective Movie Review - God's Not Dead (2014)", 30 January 2016
9. "Top 10 Worst Recurring Problems/Trends With Video Games", 23 July 2016
10. "Movie Review - Jason Bourne", 3 August 2016

Top 10 Favourite Movie Quotes

Good morning, Vietnam! Suffice it to say, movies have a huge impact on our culture. Their memorable quotes can go on to influence the way we speak, even to the point where we don't realize it. Everybody's got their favourite movie quotes and so today I'm going to list the top 10 quotes from movies that I've seen. I've chosen these quotes based on their coolness, their humour, their power, and/or just simply how often I repeat them myself in everyday situations. And for the record, this list isn't written in stone. I watch new movies all the time and a lot of them have great lines. Who knows, maybe this list will be completely different a year from now. So let's get started, and may the Force be with you.

Honourable mentions:

• “Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!” -Dr. Strangelove (Peter Sellers), from Dr. Strangelove (1964)
• “Pizza time!” -Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire), from Spider-Man 2 (2004)
• “Bond. James Bond” -James Bond (Sean Connery), from Dr. No (1962)
• “Yeah... You didn't-You didn't know that?”-The Blob (Kevin Durand), from X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
• “Terminate... with extreme prejudice.” -Jerry (Jerry Ziesmer), from Apocalypse Now (1979)

10. “Sometimes he performed cunnilingus. Not often enough, in my opinion.” -Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

Lisbeth Salander has got to be one of the most fascinating movie characters I've seen in recent years, and to me this line pretty much sums up her attitude. It's the character's introductory scene and right away we see all of her unusual mannerisms at work: choosing to not answer certain questions, a blunt, to-the-point manner of speaking, impatience with small talk, switching between avoiding eye contact and intense staring. All of this comes to a head when Dirch Frode demands to know Salander's personal opinion on Mikael Blomkvist's character, and whether she left anything out of the report she wrote on him. She eventually relents, revealing that Blomkvist has long been having an affair with his co-editor. She caps off the revelation with this gem of a line while staring blankly into Frode's eyes. I simply love this quote, and I picked it because it's at this moment the viewer realizes “this is who we're going to be following for the rest of the movie, this is going to be a cool character, I want to see more.” Frode's response: “You're right not to include that.”

9. “Gentlemen! Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The third rule of Fight Club: someone yells stop, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. The fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. The fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. The sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes. The seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.” -Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) from Fight Club (1999)

David Fincher strikes again with another great quote from another memorable character, this time Fight Club's Tyler Durden. Pretty much everyone who's a fan of Fight Club has these rules memorized, as if they themselves have joined Project Mayhem's private little army. And those who aren't have at least heard of the first two rules. And that eighth and final rule caps it off with a challenge, a hint of excitement. I find it interesting that a group of disgruntled men who're devoted to spreading anarchy and chaos are still fully committed to following a set of rules. It's even more ironic that those rules become the most memorable lines from the movie. Oh well. It's still really awesome. P.S. – Did anyone else notice that Bob still gets to wear his shirt when he fights? It's probably for the better...

8. “I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bulls---! I did not hit her! I did not... Oh hi, Mark.” -Johnny (Tommy Wiseau) from The Room (2003)

If you have not seen The Room, then you have not lived. It's as simple as that. I could sing the praises of that magnificently/ineptly made film all day long, but one of its greatest contributions to humanity is its quotability. There are so many great quotes in this movie. Probably the best known quote, repeated several times throughout, is “Oh hi, Mark.” But by far my favourite quote from The Room stems from the worst bit of acting in the whole movie – and that is saying a lot. It's the one line that always has me bursting into laughter on the verge of tears. Apparently, Tommy Wiseau – whose acting ability is journeyman at best – had trouble remembering the first part of this 18-word line (8 words if you don't count repeats). It took him forever just to (a) say all the words right, (b) look in the right directions, and (c) move in the proper positions. So the film crew called it quits after finally getting the first usable take. And thus cult-b-movie history was made.

7. “It's been hard... the writing lately. Terrible numbness. And then suddenly it comes in beautiful fragments or terrible dreams... Like nods. So high...” -Jim Carroll (Leonardo DiCaprio) from The Basketball Diaries (1995)

The Basketball Diaries is a heavy, powerful movie. It's not exactly a great film but it is one that you can't look away from while at the same time it isn't easy to watch. Upon finishing it, you'll be thinking about it for weeks afterwards. Part of what makes it so powerful, I think, is the narration which is taken straight from Jim Carroll's poetry/journal entries. It just sounds so cool, the way he articulates how his hardcore drug addictions are eating away at his creativity and his thought processes. The only downside is that this exact line is almost overshadowed by the silly, overly-dramatic visual “symbolism” that accompanies it. Still, I think that it's noteworthy that Jim was near death in this scene and were it not for the timely intervention of his own guardian angel this line would have been his last thought. Feels kind of haunting, doesn't it?

6. “Chill out. Dickwad.” -Terminator (A.K.A. T-800) (Arnold Schwarzenegger) from Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)

And here we have the first of many great Arnold quotes on this list. I'm going to level with you: pretty much the only reason I've ranked this quote here is because I use it myself nearly every day. I'd like to think of myself as a fairly laid-back type of guy and I love getting the chance to tell people to calm down in a detached monotone voice that doesn't give a f---. My only wish is that the Terminator had used this line again when a heartbroken John Conner begs him to not to self-destruct. What could be more coldheartedly badass than that?

5. “It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.” -Elwood Blues (Dan Ackroyd) from The Blues Brothers (1980)

Ah, Blues Brothers. How could anyone not enjoy such a rich collection of lovable characters, excellent musical numbers, clever celebrity cameos, and insane car chases? As if that's not enough, there's also a good bunch of lines: “I hate Illinois Nazis”, “I have seen the light!”, “We're on a mission from God”, “This ain't no Hank Williams s---!”, “I'm going to become a priest”, and “Are you cops?” “No ma'am. We're musicians.” But this one here has to be the best. The Blues Brothers know that their final objective is just within reach and it's time to get their show on the road. So Elwood sets the tone with this great line (making the audience question, just for a moment, exactly why the two are always wearing shades). It's the ceremonial phrase spoken between friends who are about to embark on a road trip for the ages. Let's just hope it's not as destructive.

4. “I wrote it down in my diary so that I wouldn't have to remember.” -Henry Jones Sr. (Sean Connery) from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

In the great debate about which Indiana Jones movie is best, my feet are firmly planted in the Last Crusade camp. This third movie has all the charm and straight up fun of the original, but with even better villains and better side characters, not the least of whom is Indy's father played by none other than Sean Connery himself. A thrill to follow, this character is bookish and aloof, but he can sometimes deliver a stern line or two like this one. Indy doesn't want to go to Berlin to get his father's Grail diary, but Henry says they have to because it contains clues vital to navigating the booby traps guarding the Holy Grail. Indy impatiently asks “Can't you remember [the clues]?” and Henry retorts with this deliciously condescending line. The reason I've ranked it here because it is a line I have quoted more times than I could ever count, most of the time to my boss or (ironically) to my own father. I don't have a perfect memory. Do I look like the mental stenographer type?

3. “Get your ass to Mars.” -Douglas Quaid (Arnold Schwarzenegger) from Total Recall (1990)

It doesn't get any more absurd than this. A smiling Arnold Schwarzenegger talking to another version of himself with a towel wrapped around his head like a turban telling him to go to Mars just moments after yanking an impossibly huge tracking device out of his nose. It's the kind of ridiculous goodness that Arnold fans live for and it sounds even better with that accent of his. I also like how such a goofy line is said so straight, without a beat. What else is there to say? I like this line because it's silly. Is that so wrong?

2. “Who are these assholes to say when doomsday approaches? I say when doomsday is approaching!” -Richard Nixon (Robert Wisden), from Watchmen (2009)

I think Richard Nixon is a fascinating historical figure. I love seeing portrayals of him in movies like Frost/Nixon (2008). I also think he's a fun historical figure to poke fun at (especially in fiction), and that's why I like movies like X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) and Watchmen. What's great about Watchmen's Nixon is that he's still president in 1985 and he's now a little bit crazy, as evidenced by this wonderful line. Here's the scoop: Dr. Manhattan, the cornerstone of the USA's nuclear deterrent, has left Earth for Mars (because of quote #3) and so the opportunistic Soviets are preparing to invade Afghanistan. As a result, the Doomsday Clock has been moved to two minutes to midnight. This upsets Dick, who's gathered his staff and generals together in the war room à la Dr. Strangelove (1964) causing him to utter this little bit of power-mad raving. Oh, Dick. Don't ever change.

1. “Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?... I lied.” -John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) from Commando (1985)

Do I even have to explain this one being here? If Arnold is the king of cheesy quotes and one-liners, then this is his crown jewel. It is the icing on the cake of a flippant, nonchalant kill of a slimy bad guy henchman that the audience is sure to hate by this point in the film. The cool thing is that this quote does indeed build off one of the film's earlier cheesy lines: “You're a funny guy, Sully. I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last.” (Spoiler alert: he's one of the first to die.) Commando has got to be my favourite of the classic 80's Arnold action movies and it's probably because it has more cheesy lines than the others. And when they're this freaking stupidly over-the-top awesome, how could you not feel a surge of testosterone-filled fun?

Movie Review Repost - Non-Stop (2014)

So in relation to Sully, I already reposted a review of another Clint Eastwood movie (American Sniper) so this week I'll repost a review of another airplane movie: Non-Stop. Overall, it's a rather forgettable flick and... yeah not much more to reminisce about. In fact the only reason I'm bringing it up is because I haven't got anything better to show you. Sorry! New material next week, I promise! In the meantime, return your seats to their upright position, fasten your seat belts and enjoy the wordplay.

   Last night I answered the boarding call to watch Non-Stop, a thriller movie starring Liam Neeson that takes place on a Transatlantic flight. I wonder if movies like this are ever shown on airplanes?

   The story focuses on federal air marshal Bill Marks who receives text messages on his secure phone from one of the passengers announcing that someone on the plane will be murdered every 20 minutes unless $150 million is paid out. Now this is a pretty cool premise, like something out a Hitchcock film; nearly every character is brought under suspicion at some point and it keeps you guessing until the very end just who the killer really is. Unfortunately, if you look out your left window, you'll see a few predictable cliches: the main character has a secretive, troubled past; his superior officers won't listen to him, etc. Also, the villain's true motive is just lame once you find out what it really is.    There's also a bit of logical turbulence once you take the plotholes into account. Why would an air marshal smoke in an airplane bathroom? And how did the bad guy know Marks was doing it? How did the bad guy manage to sneak a switchblade on board the plane? And worst of all: why does the bathroom allow access to the cockpit?! I have my sincere doubts that that would ever happen in real life.

   Anyways, Liam Neeson stars as Bill Marks, the chain-smoking, alcoholic air marshal who hates flying. The movie definitely benefits from having him lead, though his performance is somewhat subdued (ie. The monotone voice from Star Wars). Regardless, Liam Neeson does add intensity with his patented sharp stare, angry growl and forward lean.

   The only other notable thing is that this movie uses a ton of shaky cam: the headache-inducing kind, not the good kind. In particular, the final action scene has so much shaky cam and is so choppily edited that I could barely tell what was going on! Just remember to keep your air sickness bags within arm's reach.

   But overall, Non-Stop is harmless enough. It'll satisfy both action movie fans and Liam Neeson fans. It's passable, but nothing special. (But at least it's better than Flightplan. Remember that crap?)

Rating: two and a half stars out of five.

Movie Review Repost - American Sniper (2015)

Hey, people. I'm still in the middle of packing/moving this week, still pretty busy. I want you to know that I've started work on some new articles for Anachronarchy, but it may be a week or two before they're ready for posting. Thank you for being so patient. In the meantime, since I just saw a Clint Eastwood movie earlier this week (Sully) I thought it'd be appropriate to repost the review I did of his previous film, American Sniper. Enjoy.

   War is hell, and while American Sniper may not be quite as grim or depressing as Fury was last year, its portrayal of extraordinary violence upon individuals is just as devastating and perhaps even more relevant.

   American Sniper is based on the autobiography of Chief Petty Officer Chris Kyle, a Navy SEALs marksman who served four tours of combat in Iraq from 2003 to 2009. The plot swings back and forth between Kyle's time overseas, filled with intense action, and his home leaves in Texas where he struggles to reconcile his sense of duty with his family life. In both situations he is faced with heartbreaking dilemmas. This is a film that is neither pro-war nor anti-war; it doesn't take sides in the debates surrounding the Iraq War's conduct. It simply tries to portray it's effects on the lives of the individuals involved. And in this regard, Bradley Cooper does a fantastic job playing the stressed-out main character. Really the only bit of story that could've been improved upon was the final scene, which felt a little clumsy and rushed.

   In the director's chair we have the venerable Clint Eastwood who definitely knows how to make a war film – Letters from Iwo Jima, anyone? From the steady mix of action, drama, and personal struggle it's clear that he has huge respect for veterans and what they've chosen to put themselves through. This is especially evident in the end credits which, after a brief slideshow, are completely silent.

   The production is breath-taking. The sets, the locations, the props, the costumes, the equipment; it all looks amazing. The cinematography is dazzling, giving us some nice-looking longshots (no pun intended). So too is the special effects, especially on the sandstorm towards the end.

   Now with a film that has the word “American” in the title you have to expect a bit of over-the-top foreign patriotism. There's also a couple scenes that I just don't get. What was the point of the crying baby in the nursery scene? Are soldiers really allowed to chat up their girlfriends over the phone in the middle of a mission? Do SEALs ever get orders or are they just allowed to leave their posts and go do whatever they want during missions?

   Regardless, American Sniper is an excellent film on modern warfare. In comparison, it's more poignant than Lone Survivor, but with better action than Green Zone. Overall, it's roughly comparable to the Hurt Locker, but sadder. If you're interested in the personal/psychological consequences of military service, and if you can stomach a bit of violence, then American Sniper is the flick for you. Even if there are no 360 no-scopes in it.

Rating: four-and-a-half stars out of five.

Movie Review - Sully

   Alright, time for another film review. Airplane movies are cool. Let's try that. This time I watched Sully, a film about the real life US Airways flight 1549 that crash landed on the Hudson River without any loss of life. Is it any good?

   It's directed by Clint Eastwood and it stars Tom Hanks. What do you think?

   Our plot follows Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger, an experienced airline pilot who gained fame after successfully ditching a loaded passenger jet on a river in New York City in 2009. Despite his success, he is plagued by flashbacks and nightmares of his experience. What's more, Sullenberger and his copilot, Jeffrey Skiles, are under investigation by the NTSB who believe that the flight could have successfully landed at another airport and that the loss of the airplane was avoidable. There are moments where Sully gets fairly technical about the field of aviation, but it's far from unwatchable. The crash landing scenes – yes, they do play it out twice – are a thrill to watch, even though we already know how they turn out. Still, plotwise, this is a film that offers few surprises. This is probably the reason why the movie can sometimes feel like it's longer than just 96 minutes. In fact the only real thing that surprised me about this film is that it didn't end with a scene of Sully reuniting with his wife and kids (who we see talking to him on the phone several times). Instead it ends with a joke from Skiles. Dropped the ball there.

   As I said before, Clint Eastwood is in the director's chair, and his trademarks are clearly visible: charming/inspiring feel-good moments mixed with a bunch of US flags. Not overly stylistic, but capable nonetheless. The CG effects were good. At least they were better than the baby from American Sniper, right?

   The acting is all-round rather well done, especially from Hanks (Sullenberger) and Aaron Eckhart (Skiles) who portray pretty much the only three-dimensional characters in this film. It's not as if Sully really needed a multitude of characters to portray an event that lasted a few minutes.

   I have a feeling that the writers were really stretching for ideas here. While Sully's posters promised us “The untold story behind the Miracle on the Hudson”, I doubt there's much new stuff to be discovered from here. But on the whole, Sully is enjoyable enough. It isn't exceptionally good, but still pretty good.

Grade: three and a half stars out of five.

Movie Review Repost - After Earth (2013)

Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long since my last current movie review. I've just started another semester of school AND I'm moving to a new place in a few days and have been packing everything up. So yeah, I've been pretty busy lately. Hopefully it won;t be too long until my next review. For now let's take a look at my thoughts on a film that's been on my mind a bit for the past while (for some reason): After Earth. Easily the worst movie I saw in 2013 (even worse than Lone Ranger), this thing has a very haphazard feel to it (especially the writing). It's also downright laughable at times. So let's look back and have a good laugh, shall we?

   After Earth: if you've ever wanted a movie to fall asleep to, then this is it. It's one of the more dull movies that I've seen in a while.

   Need proof? Just look at Will Smith's acting (or sleep-acting rather). He plays Cypher, a man without fear. Apparently having no fear turns you into an emotionless, monotone person who almost never changes his facial expression and is a heartless, terrible father. Will Smith is usually one of those actors who just gives it his all in whatever role he plays, but After Earth's script has forced him to become a stone-faced automaton of a man (the very thing he tried to destroy in I, Robot. You've let me down, Will.). He spends the majority of the movie sitting in a chair, sometimes looking/speaking directly to the camera. Wow.

   But our main character is actually Cypher's son Kitai, played by Will Smith's son Jaden Smith. Like the Karate Kid remake a few years ago, After Earth is supposed to be a showcase for Jaden's acting, which isn't terrible. But there is a limit as to how well one can portray a somewhat-whiny kid who makes dumb decisions, disobeys orders, and spontaneously quotes Moby Dick for no reason. He also falls asleep no less than five times throughout the film. But this actually makes sense, seeing as how the viewer will feel like falling asleep by the end of the movie.

   Oh yeah, I guess I should talk about the plot. This movie takes place in the far distant future in which mankind has been forced to leave Earth and settle on other hostile planets. Humanity is protected by the fearless Rangers who are led by General Cypher. Cypher takes his cadet son Kitai on a routine mission which runs into trouble. They crash land on a long-since abandoned Earth and must now find a way to survive and escape whilst developing their father-son relationship.

   This particular adventure, directed by M. Night Shyamalan, is one involving lots of awkward transitions, non sequitur flashbacks, boring monologues, nonchalant narrations, and cheap-looking sets. As one might expect, this film relies heavily on CGI, but a lot of it isn't done very well (especially the animals). This film could have been more intriguing if the viewer got to learn more about the universe it takes place in. Instead the viewer is left wondering why soldiers in the future use spears instead of guns. What kind of accent is everyone speaking in? And what was up with the whole “Earth's gravity is stronger than home” thing? It's mentioned once in the film's beginning, never brought up again, and seems to have no effect on Kitai's movement or stamina.

   So who would like this movie? If you're a Will Smith fan and you don't want to have your heart broken, then don't bother with this. If you're a sci-fi action movie fan with low standards then you could probably meet this movie halfway. Just remind someone to wake you up when it's over.

Rating: one and a half stars out of five.

Video Game Glitches Part 3 - Getting Stuck

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to the final part of my video game glitches series: Getting Stuck. Pretty much all video games have this problem. Sometimes it can be game-breaking, other times it can be pretty funny and cause some wonky physics problems. Here's the instances of getting stuck that I happened to catch on camera.

Like Rainbow Six Vegas 2, Alpha Protocol (2010) is a buggy game that often has that unfinished feel to it. It's not uncommon at all to see people glide around, jitter back and forth, and get stuck. Here's a picture of a guy whose corpse is saw get stuck in a wall. His head and right arm were inside the wall and his body was jiggling around as it moved higher and higher up the wall. Needless to say, it was pretty funny. Trust me.

Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway (2008) is a fairly solid game. I haven't seen many glitches there with the main exception being this one. On one of the final missions I was leading my squad in attacking a German position near a windmill. I looked at my map and was confused when it told me my assault team wasn't following me even though they appeared to be at my side. Then I learned why: one guy – Zanovich, I think – had his head stuck in a bridge. Thanks, game. With him out of action... oh who am I kidding? The level was still pretty easy.

And again, for the third time, we have Gears of War 2. Like I said before, I played tons of GoW2's multiplayer so I saw all sorts of insane things. This includes people getting stuck. A lot of people getting stuck. Amusingly, this often included people becoming trapped in the ground, like Dizzy and Carmine here. At least Dizzy was able to still defend himself. Carmine, on the other hand, is only able to occupy the hill and wait for a locust to headshot him eventually.

Finally we have a rare glitch from the original Splinter Cell (2002). This was at the end of one of the Chinese Embassy missions. To exfiltrate, you need to climb over a wall and then enter this van. The problem was that I was spotted by the guards as I was climbing the wall and I took damage from their shots. Just as I was approaching the van, the alarm went off. For some reason, this made Sam want to climb onto the rear bumper and just stay squating there. I had no choice but to reload my last checkpoint and try it again. Thanks a lot, Sam.

And thank you guys for reading this series of mine. Hope you enjoyed it. Game on.