Top 20 Good Parts of Bad Movies, Part 1

Sometimes even bad movies aren't all bad. It's very rare to find a bad movie that has absolutely no redeeming qualities to it. A lot of bad movies have at least one good part – be it an actor, a particular scene, or some other element – that make the whole thing... tolerable, the only thing you might look forward to when you watch it. So for the next couple weeks I'm going to count down the Top 20 Good Parts to Bad Movies. For this list I've tried sticking to films that had only one redeeming element to them; so you're not going to see movies like Spider-Man 3 or Attack of the Clones because, while they weren't that great, they did have several individual good things in them. And keep in mind that my ranking of this list is very subjective. I tried ranking it in order of which movies benefited the most from their one good thing. Trust me, it'll make more sense when you read it. And lastly, I'm not counting things that are ironically good or so-bad-they're-good. So you won't see Tommy Wiseau's acting or Birdemic's editing on this list. So here we go.

Honourable mentions: the thumbs up GIF from Batman Forever, the hand-to-hand combat in Jack Reacher: Never Go Back, the baseball scene in Twilight

20. Jack Black as Augie in Airborne (1993)

If you don't know Airborne, don't feel bad. It's not worth knowing. Apart from Seth Green's ludicrous haircut the only thing of note here is a young Jack Black playing some jock/bully who has one angry outburst. Some hippie surfer dweeb is introducing himself to the class at highschool and Jack Black just jumps to the front, interrupts the dude, and shouts him down. It's pretty amusing. Thank you, Jack Black.

19. Colin Farrell in Total Recall (2012)

The Total Recall remake isn't a terrible movie; if you switch your brain off it can be modestly entertaining. But one can't deny that it's a derivative and wholly unnecessary film with nothing new to say for both science fiction and the 1990 original and is just cashing in on the original's name recognition. But at least Colin Farrell was pretty good in it. He makes for a decent action hero and he capably pulls off the whole everyman-being-swept-along-with-crazy-events thing. Still, he's not as memorable as Schwarzenegger.

18. Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Loomis in Halloween I & II (2007, 2009)

The two Rob Zombie Halloween films aren't very good. You might like them if you enjoy films in which everyone is a redneck jerk, there's tons of mean-spiritedness, and there's no tension or suspense... and if you never liked the original Halloween films to begin with. (On second thought, maybe I'll write an article on this one day.) But at least Malcolm McDowell makes a great Dr. Loomis. Sure, he's got an ego, he's not all that great a doctor, and this performance doesn't compare with the intensity and gravitas of Donald Pleasence's but this version of Dr. Loomis is still rather good. Like the original, he's an obsessed doctor who despairs at how he can't help Michael Myers. What makes him different from classic Loomis is that McDowell's Loomis sort of says “screw it”, becomes an arrogant jerk, and tries profiting off the whole mess which sets up his redemption later on. Again, this isn't as interesting as the classic Loomis, but it is by far the best thing about Rob Zombie's Halloween films and this mainly thanks to McDowell's performance.

17. The Three Stooges in The Three Stooges (2012)

As I've said before, I've been a big fan of the 3 Stooges since childhood. Who doesn't get some sort of enjoyment from watching a trio of chowder-heads slap eachother around and get into wacky hi jinks? The 2012 3 Stooges movie wasn't all that great, but the one thing it got right was really the only thing it needed to get right, and that's the Stooges themselves. (I mean, nobody goes into a 3 Stooges movie expecting groundbreaking cinematography or an expertly crafted musical score.) Chris Diamantopoulos (Moe), Sean Hayes (Larry), and Will Sasso (Curly) all play their characters to a T. These wise-guys so closely resemble the classic Stooges that it's almost eerie, they've been brought back to life. These three knickle-heads have done their comedic idols proud and 3 Stooges fans soitenly couldn't have asked for better.

16. The train chase in The Lone Ranger (2013)

Too little, too late? Perhaps, but one can't deny that the final train chase scene of Lone Ranger was some good fun. For once in this two-and-a-half hour movie, the thing doesn't take itself so seriously (or try cramming in some weird ivory fetishes). What follows is several minutes of some over-the-top Pirates of the Carribean-style spectacle with an impressive blend of special effects, stunt work, humour, fast-paced action, and the classic William Tell overture. If you're curious, then just watch this one scene and don't bother with the rest of the film. I guarantee it'll be the most fun you've seen on a train in movies since Spider-Man 2. All aboard!

15. The Battle of Passchendaele in Passchendaele (2008)

Canadian cinema doesn't exactly have the most enviable reputation around, and Passchendaele is no exception to the rule. Don't get me wrong, it isn't a terrible movie but it is a pretty dull one. To call it the Great White North's answer to Pearl Harbor wouldn't be that far from the truth. At times it plays like a history lesson, and not a particularly interesting one. There's only two battle scenes: a very brief one at the film's beginning and the titular 1917 battle toward the film's end. And this is a right proper battle scene as brutal as anything in Saving Private Ryan with perhaps even more grit. Canadian and German soldiers slog it out in the rain and mud, shooting, stabbing, impaling, drowning, blasting, and beating eachother in an orgy of death that is directed serviceably. It has some tense moments and you'll care about what's happening to at least a few of the characters. It is my belief that every country that produces movies deserves at least one really badass historical battle scene. This is Canada's and I'm proud to call it my own.

14. Pierce Brosnan as James Bond in Die Another Day (2002)

Sure he was just on the verge of being too old for the role, but Pierce Brosnan does do an alright job in his last outing as agent 007, which is one of the few positive things I can say about Die Another Day. If you read Arnold's Benediction often then you probably already know my thoughts on Die Another Day and it's a shame that Brosnan's last James Bond performance was in such a lame film (which seems to happen a lot to Bond actors). I consider him to be one of the better James Bond actors; a well-rounded, total package sort of performance. While not all of his 007 flicks were great Pierce Brosnan was often a highlight in them. Mission accomplished.

13. Jennifer Aniston in Just Go With It (2011)

I'm just going to come out and say this – and you're not going to believe me – but Just Go With It is a worse movie than Jack and Jill. It is half an hour longer with a wholly pointless, meandering plot, spotty logic, and wretched characters who don't care about anyone but themselves. The only lifelike, believable, down-to-earth one amongst them is the one played by Jennifer Aniston who has surprisingly good comedic timing and decent chemistry with the main character (the Adam Sandler dude; trust me, it's not worth the time to look up these characters' names). I mean yeah, it is obvious that they're going to get together at the end, but in a movie this bad I'll take what I can get.

12. Seth Green as Scott Evil in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

Hmm. You know, I was originally going to mention how much I liked Seth Green in the second Austin Powers movie, but then I did some research and realized that most of his scenes that I liked actually took place in Man of Mystery (1997), the first film in the trilogy. But you know that's what happens when you've got three films with dull plots, shallow main characters, and recycled jokes that become progressively dumber and immature. I liked these films when I was 12 (big surprise), but since then my admiration for Austin Powers films has almost vanished. (Having said that I have come to appreciate the attempt at spoofing 1960's Bond films. There was at least a respectable amount of effort in that regard.) Having said that, the character of Scott Evil was a highlight for me, especially in the first two films. This may be perhaps because he is at one and the same time both the bewildered straight man/slacker of the Evil organization and a bright-eyed teenager who wants to be accepted by his evil mastermind father. It's brilliant. Too bad it's surrounded by dick jokes and poop gags.

11. Michael Ironside as General Katana in Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)

I think everyone already knows that this is one of the worst films ever made, so I'm just going to skip ahead to the good stuff. Michael Ironside is an actor I enjoy watching. He plays the tough guy/villain role well and his voice sounds so cool. In Highlander II we get all this and more: he hams it up a bit with goofy one-liners and jokes and over-the-top faces. It's just too bad that his character is dumb as a post and has no real motivation for doing the things he does... 'Dat voice, though.