Top 10 Worst Movie Cliches

Movies are good. Did you know that? Movies are also abundant. With all of the (probably) millions of movies made throughout the past century or so, it only seems natural that some common tropes would emerge. Some of these shared elements are awesome, but some get pretty tiresome. Some make you sigh to yourself, “I wish they would stop doing this.” This here is my personal list of least favourite movie cliches. Just for the record, here were the runners up: a psychiatrist character becoming a patient's love interest, a bad guy who kills his own men, lazy comedy (i.e. fat/sex/drug/poop jokes), scary clowns, people wearing shoes inside their own homes (do people really do that?), and the 3^rd act break-up.

10 – Smashing Open a Piggybank

Why does everyone open a piggybank in movies and TV by smashing it to pieces with a hammer? Most of the time there's just a cork on the bottom you can unplug to get at the money inside. I've never thought of or even heard of anyone doing that in real life – and I was a pretty weird kid. Have you ever seen someone in a TV show or movie open a piggybank normally? Maybe it's just an illustration of kids doing the darnedest things. Or maybe it's symbolic of a kid breaking the bonds of the patience associated with saving up, or some bullcrap like that. Either way, it's a massive film cliche. In fact, it's such an omnipresent cliche that it's also become a cliche for an accompanying character to point out that smashing it isn't necessary. That's right: it's such a cliche that even complaining about it is now also a cliche!

9 – Unlikeable Characters

This is a big problem with horror movies nowadays: the characters are all selfish idiots who want to play immature pranks, get drunk, party, and screw. More often than not they're a bunch of liars who have each done horrible things to each other. Additionally, they're also very loud and annoying. Don't you miss the days where you'd actually care about the people in movies and what happens to them? With most horror movies nowadays, you're more likely to eagerly anticipate the characters' deaths so that you won't have to endure them any longer.

8 – Overdone Cinematography

What do I mean by this? I'm talking about movies that have shaky cam, tracking shots, slow-mo, and rotating shots for no reason, sometimes in a lazy attempt to be “artsy”. Movies like Slipstream (2005) that have way too much rotating shots are annoying. Movies like Smiley (2012) and Non-Stop (2014) that have way too much shaky cam are dizzying. Movies like Watchmen (2009) that have too much slow-mo become tiresome. And movies like the Transformers series (2007-14, and which also has too much slow-mo) that have too many sweeping/tracking shots are tedious and exhausting to the eyes. Sometimes having shaky cam (Saving Private Ryan, 1998) or moving camera shots (most Stanley Kubrick films) can enhance a film's narrative, mood, and presentation by creating depth or building up epicness. But it shouldn't be overused to the point where the audience is suffering from sensory overload. I say that unless there's a good reason for moving that shot, hold it still!

7 – Too Much CG Effects

You knew this was coming. Computer-generated effects are a very effective tool when used right, but in this century so far it's been done to death. And more often than not, it doesn't look all that convincing. Remember how awful those balloons looked in 2002's Spider-Man? The clone troopers in the Star Wars prequels (2002, 2005) more resembled cartoons than physical beings. Van Helsing (2004), Lost in Space (1998), Deep Blue Sea (1999), Catwoman (2004), Die Another Day (2002); the list goes on! I think the worst CG effects I've ever seen were those seen in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2007). Bad CG was everywhere and it all looked horrendous: on the animals, during the jungle chase scenes, at the waterfalls, and on the alien at the end. There's a reason why the motorcycle chase scene was the best part of that movie: it was really happening! What a grievous disappointment from a classic movie series previously known for its dazzling practical effects. It seems I'm not alone since there's now a growing consensus amongst filmgoers demanding movie effects' return to the practical realm. But personally, I think it's going to be a while before film producers are convinced of the visual power of props and puppets.

6 – The Kids are Idiots

This doesn't bug me so much anymore, but when I was younger I hated hated hated this trope. No kid likes being talked down to. The kid in Christmas With the Kranks (2004) was like 13 years old; how could he have fallen for the thief's obvious lies? (But then again, what do you expect when a crook is left alone in a parked cop car for several hours with the window down while it's freezing outside?) This cliche is often played out in the context of outdated technology, but even then it's still never done right. For example, Adam Sandler's kids in Grown Ups (2010) don't know what a CRT television set is. I'm guessing they lived a really sheltered life. But the one that pissed me off the most as a kid was in Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves (1997), when Rick Moranis's 12-ish year old son admits to not knowing what a phonograph is. When Moranis explains “It's an earlier record player,” the kid then 1-ups himself by immediately asking what a record player is. Are you freaking kidding me? You were born in the mid-80's, kid! How can you not know what vinyl records are? I was born in the early-90's and by the time this film came out I was already well aware of what a record player was. Do screenwriters think all kids are idiots? Because I think kids could write better crap than this!

5 – Incomprehensible Action Scenes

Starting just after the turn of the 21^st century, this new film-making trend emerged that emphasized very quick cutting/editing, extreme close-ups, and a violently shaking camera during action scenes. Now, having small amounts of each of these elements can emphasize a scene's intensity, but when used too liberally it is an atrocious sight to behold. I think this trend began with (or at least was popularized by) the original Bourne trilogy (2002-7), which are good movies even if the action is a bit tedious to watch. Incoherent, over-edited action scenes were what utterly ruined movies like Quantum of Solace (2008) and Batman Begins (2005) for me. And don't get me started on The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006); that movie gave me such a headache! While this trend is very slowly dying off, it seems that it'll probably linger around for a while still. In the meantime, I guess we'll just have to keep some Advil handy.

4 – Bright Night

Has anyone else ever noticed that in most movies, it's really bright at nighttime? I could sort of understand this if the scene takes place in a crowded city; it would make sense because cities have tons of lights shining like the freakin' sun. But when there's an evening scene taking place on a beach, in an empty field, in a desert, in a forest, or on a small boat your eyes can tell that the scene is lit up artificially somehow. It's still easy to see everything. You could probably read a newspaper in all that obviously bogus light. Now I'm the kind of guy who values realism in films (most of them, anyways). So bottom line: keep night dark. Otherwise it may as well be a day-for-night shot.

3 – Musical Pause During a Joke

I didn't even notice this one until a few years ago, but lately in a lot of movies the music pauses whenever the punchline to a joke is delivered. It seems that it's always in the lousiest movies and for the lousiest jokes. This is very common in movie trailers too. It's as if the screenwriters don't know how to write a legitimately funny joke, so over the years they've trained audiences to laugh to audio cues just like Pavlov's dog (well no, the dog didn't laugh, but... shut up!). Whenever I encounter this cliche, I can't help but feel as if my intelligence has been insulted, especially when it occurs multiple times within a single scene/trailer, as it too often does. What's more, I am a lover of music. So when the comedic pause ends up interrupting/butchering a song that I happen to like, it's just an extra little twist of the knife already inside my neck. Stop. Doing. This. Crap.

2 – Drawn-out, Unfunny Comedic Set Piece

Here's another thing that most bad comedies have: the unfunny set piece. Let me explain. You have several characters gathered together and they start talking about stuff. The conversation takes a sudden turn that displeases or embarrasses one character. The others continue talking about this one subject, continuing to say things that are uncomfortable for one or more characters present. The “jokes” progressively become more and more ridiculous/obnoxious/tedious. And it keeps on going! Just when you think the jokes could get any dumber, the very next line reaches that next level. Obviously this part was meant to be a non-stop comedic high point of the film, but nobody's laughing, least of all, me. I can't stand this trope. It brings the plot to a grinding halt and it makes the film that much less bearable. This can often take the form of a character introducing a significant other to one's family, or it can stem from someone delivering a spiteful, unwanted toast at some celebration like in The Dilemma (2011). It's never a good sign when I find myself deeply empathizing with the one character who says “Can we please just hurry this up?” just like in Dinner for Schmucks (2010) and Meet the Fockers (2004). Whenever that happens, I find myself screaming at the screen “YES! PLEASE! HE'S RIGHT! END THIS ALREADY!”

1 – Dumb Movie Titles

Some might call this trivial matter, but I think a movie's title is paramount to its reputation and overall presentation. This is why movie titles need to have some creativity behind them. Would people even care about great movies such as Blade Runner (1982), A Bridge Too Far (1977), Inglorious Basterds (2009), Requiem for a Dream (2000), and Saving Mr. Banks (2013) if they were given such dull names as Shooting Robots, We Lost, Killing Nazis, Drugs Are Bad, and Cheer Up, respectively. This seems to be a recent, growing problem. Too many titles now consist of a single no-brainer word: Spy (2015), Home (2015), Flight (2012), Tammy (2014), Ted (2012), Vacation (2015), Pixels (2015), Room (2015), 9 (2009), Wanted (2008), Brave (2012), Frozen (2013), Milk (2008), Cars (2006), and even Up (2009). They made a freakin' movie just called UP! How lazy can you guys get? Remember that movie last year where Tina Fey and Amy Poehler played a pair of sisters? It was called Sisters! I bet it took them all day to think of that one. Another thing that drives me nuts is when sequels drop their numbering suddenly, like how the fourth The Fast and the Furious movie was just called Fast and Furious (2009) or when the seventh Halloween movie was called Halloween H20 (1998) or when the sixth Rocky movie was just called Rocky Balboa (2006). Are these remakes? Reboots? What's going on? If you're not already a hardcore fan of the series in question, then it looks like you've got some research to do. Sometimes studios can't be bothered to count, so they instead opt to just toss in a random pointless word like “revenge”, “resurrection”, “return”, “retribution”, or “revelation” to make the title sound more interesting at the expense of convenience and logic. I think the most messed up series of movie titles is the Rambo series. First there was First Blood (1982), then Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985), then Rambo III (1988), and then there was just Rambo (2008). The series completely changed titles and then reverted to a no-number format. Apparently being able to count higher than four is not a job requirement for Hollywood executives. Screw 'em all.