Movie Review Repost -- 30 Minutes or Less (2011)

Let's take a look back at one of my earliest reviews, 30 Minutes or Less, a forgotten comedy from 2011. I thought it was lame. I still think it was lame... I guess. It's not all that memorable so I can't really say I've thought about it much recently. Really the only notable thing about this movie is that Nick Swardson -- actor I hate the most-- isn't terrible in this. That's about all I can think to say of this film. Enjoy.

  This movie is bland. So bland that it's actually hard for me to think of things to write here. In fact, this must have been how the writers of the movie felt.

  30 Minutes or Less is the first comedy movie I've reviewed and the most important part of making a comedy is having an engaging plot. The plot is about a guy named Nick who is forced to rob a bank for someone named Dwayne because he is stuck to a bomb and he only has 10 hours to do it before its timer runs out. Sounds exciting, right? Except Nick and his buddy Chet keep getting caught in off-topic arguments that slow down the plot. OK, to be fair there are a few thrilling scenes like the bank robbery scene and the car chase scenes. But towards the end of the movie there's less and less jokes, and it feels almost like an action movie. The ending is really abrupt and leaves the viewer with a buttload of unanswered questions.

  Now for the jokes: some of them work, some of them don't work. By the end you'll have become used to the thoughtless automatic laughter you're emitting. You know those hilarious laugh-out-loud moments that you remember forever and quote whenever possible? Yeah, this movie has none of those.

  For the most part, the acting was pretty good. The only thing that bothered me was that Kate, Nick's love interest and Chet's sister, was so underdeveloped and banal. She's just there to look pretty and to cause tension between Nick and Chet.

  Overall, little effort was put into making this unremarkable snore-fest. There are better comedies out there. Watch them instead.

One and a half stars out of five. (Hey, I wrote a lot!)

Movie Review -- Baby Driver

   Here I am with a review of a movie that's been out for two months, possibly the most late review I've ever written for a current movie. My bad. But after seeing how much ass Baby Driver kicks, I just had to let everybody know about it.

   Baby Driver is about Baby, a young getaway driver and music lover who's having trouble leaving the heist business all while caring for his foster father and trying to go on dates with a waitress named Debora. It's a movie that delivers the goods when it comes to interesting characters, good acting – especially from the likes of Jamie Foxx, Kevin Spacey, and Ansel Elgort – good humour, and many thrilling car chases that make extensive use of stunt driving rather than CG phoniness.

   Perhaps the most interesting thing about Baby Driver is its sound design and editing. There's lots of popular songs in this movie – good ones, too – but 99% of them are contextual to the plot; the songs the audience is hearing are the same songs that the characters are listening to. When a character stops listening to a song, so does the audience. (I say 99% because there's one scene where R.E.M.'s “New Orleans Instrumental No.1” plays seemingly from nowhere.) When a character listens to music through only one earbud, the song half-fades away. Not only that, but a lot of the movie's sound effects and actions – like gunshots and car horns – are often timed to the beat of the song that's playing at the moment. It's a very different way of making a movie sound, and it lends a lot to Baby Driver's overall identity.

   The film's visual editing is also very energetic and tight. With lots of revolving shots and long following shots, the camera moves quite a lot, making every scene feel lively. If it seems like I'm talking more about Baby Driver's production than its plot and story, that's only because it's these elements that make the movie feel so fresh.

   And that's about all I have to say about Baby Driver, a really good crime-action film with a killer soundtrack. Its story may be a case of style over substance, but I'm not complaining when the overall product is presented with this level of joy and creativity. If you're looking for something fun, then hop on board.

Grade:

All Songs, Best to Worst: Nirvana

Rounding out this most recent trilogy of All Songs Ranked is my countdown of Nirvana, one of the defining bands of the 1990's. It wasn't the first or most talented alternative band around, but it was one of the most influential and energetic. Nirvana was a band with the right attitude that came around at just the right time to become the vanguard of the alternative and grunge movements. Combining alternative music with punk sensibilities, Nirvana's music challenged its audience with music that sounded very different to what was on the radio and, as was the case with 1993's In Utero, wasn't always easy to listen to. It was, however, music that changed the world and today I'm going to countdown every one of Nirvana's 53 songs from best to worst. Since the band only released three studio albums, I'm also going to be including songs from 1992's Incesticide and 2002's Nirvana. Also, no live albums. Here we go.

1. “Aneurysm”, Incesticide (1992)

2. “In Bloom”, Nevermind (1991)

3. “Heart-Shaped Box”, In Utero (1993)

4. “Lithium”, Nm

5. “About a Girl”, Bleach (1989)

6. “School”, B

7. “You Know You're Right”, Nirvana (2002)

8. “Pennyroyal Tea”, IU

9. “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, Nm

10. “Dive”, I

11. “Come as You Are”, Nm

12. “Milk It”, IU

13. “Something in the Way”, Nm

14. “Blew”, B

15. “Breed”, Nm

16. “Negative Creep”, B

17. “Aero Zeppelin”, I

18. “Territorial Pissings”, Nm

19. “Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle”, IU

20. “All Apologies”, IU

21. “On a Plain”, Nm

22. “Paper Cuts”, B

23. “Love Buzz”, B

24. “Scentless Apprentice”, IU

25. “Big Long Now”, I

26. “Hairspray Queen”, I

27. “Serve the Servants”, IU

28. “Been A Son”, I

29. “Dumb”, IU

30. “Lounge Act”, Nm

31. “Very Ape”, IU

32. “Mexican Seafood”, I

33. “Sliver”, I

34. “Turnaround”, I

35. “Radio-Friendly Unit Shifter”, IU

36. “Mr. Moustache”, B

37. “Swap Meet”, B

38. “Drain You”, Nm

39. “Polly”, Nm

40. “Endless, Nameless”, Nm

41. “Rape Me”, IU

42. “Scoff”, B

43. “Floyd the Barber”, B

44. “Son of a Gun”, I

45. “New Wave Polly”, I

46. “Molly's Lips”, I

47. “Tourette's”, IU

48. “Sifting”, B

49. “Big Cheese”, B

50. “Stay Away”, Nm

51. “Beeswax”, I

52. “Stain”, I

53. “Downer”, B

All Songs, Best to Worst: Led Zeppelin

The time has come to talk about Led Zeppelin. But what can I say about them that's not been said already? They're one of – if no the – greatest hard rock bands that ever existed. They've influenced countless bands, pioneered whole new genres of rock n' roll, and sold hundreds of millions of records. They're one of the heaviest bands ever and without them hard rock would sound very different today.

How can one describe Led Zeppelin's sound? It's a bit of everything, a mix of hard rock, blues, old school rock and roll, heavy metal, folk, funk rock, and progressive rock. Sometimes it was several of these genres in a single song! Listening to the band's music one can tell that Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham weren't content to stay put in the confines of just one box. They wanted to do everything and they did it well. So to celebrate their rich legacy I'm going to list all 80 of their songs (from the nine main albums) from best to worst. And just for the record, this is the hardest songs rankings list I've had to do yet, mostly because I don't really consider any Led Zeppelin song to be bad. It's just that some are way, way better than others.

1. “Stairway to Heaven”, Led Zeppelin IV (1971)

2. “Kashmir”, Physical Graffiti (1975)

3. “Whole Lotta Love”, Led Zeppelin II (1969)

4. “Heartbreaker”, LZ II

5. “When the Levee Breaks”, LZ IV

6. “Immigrant Song”, Led Zeppelin III (1970)

7. “In My Time of Dying”, PG

8. “Moby Dick”, LZ II

9. “The Ocean”, Houses of the Holy (1973)

10. “No Quarter”, HOTH

11. “Dazed and Confused”, Led Zeppelin (1969)

12. “Black Dog”, LZ IV

13. “Rock and Roll”, LZ IV

14. “Wearing and Tearing”, Coda (1982)

15. “Babe I'm Gonna Leave You”, LZ

16. “The Lemon Song”, LZ II

17. “Bring it on Home”, LZ II

18. “The Rain Song”, HOTH

19. “Communication Breakdown”, LZ

20. “That's the Way”, LZ III

21. “I Can't Quit You Baby”, C

22. “The Battle of Evermore”, LZ IV

23. “Houses of the Holy”, PG

24. “Custard Pie”, PG

25. “Ten Years Gone”, PG

26. “Since I've Been Loving You”, LZ III

27. “Going to California”, LZ IV

28. “In the Light”, PG

29. “Good Times Bad Times”, LZ

30. “Achilles Last Stand”, Presence (1976)

31. “D'Yer Maker”, HOTH

32. “The Crunge”, HOTH

33. “I Can't Quit You Baby”, LZ

34. “Ramble On”, LZ II

35. “What is and What Should Never Be”, LZ II

36. “Misty Mountain Hop”, LZ IV

37. “Four Sticks”, LZ IV

38. “Fool in the Rain”, In Through the Out Door (1979)

39. “The Rover”, PG

40. “Bron Y Aur Stomp”, LZ III

41. “Walter's Walk”, C

42. “Living Loving Maid”, LZ II

43. “Tangerine”, LZ III

44. “Hots on For Nowhere”, P

45. “Dancing Days”, HOTH

46. “Candy Store Rock”, P

47. “You Shook Me”, LZ

48. “Down By the Seaside”, PG

49. “Friends”, LZ III

50. “Thank You”, LZ II

51. “Royal Orleans”, P

52. “Ozone Baby”, C

53. “Nobody's Fault But Mine”, P

54. “Bonzo's Montreux”, C

55. “How Many More Times”, LZ

56. “I'm Gonna Crawl”, ITTOD

57. “Trampled Under Foot”, PG

58. “The Song Remains the Same”, HOTH

59. “Black Country Woman”, PG

60. “Sick Again”, PG

61. “For Your Life”, P

62. “Darlene”, C

63. “Over the Hills and Far Away”, HOTH

64. “Celebration Day”, LZ III

65. “All My Love”, ITTOD

66. “Hot Dog”, ITTOD

67. “Boogie With Stu”, PG

68. “We're Gonna Grove”, C

69. “Your Time is Gonna Come”, LZ

70. “Black Mountain Side”, LZ

71. “Out on the Tiles”, LZ III

72. “The Wanton Song”, PG

73. “South Bound Saurez”, ITTOD

74. “Poor Tom”, C

75. “Carouselambra”, ITTOD

76. “Hats Off to Roy Harper”, LZ III

77. “Bron-Yr-Aur”, PG

78. “Night Flight”, PG

79. “Tea For One”, P

80. “In the Evening”, ITTOD

All Songs, Best to Worst: Audioslave

Like anyone with good taste in music I was saddened to hear of the untimely passing of Chris Cornell, one of the most gifted singers of his generation, certainly one of my favourites. I thought it would be appropriate to kick off this third round of Ranking All Songs (first batch since last December) with some of Cornell's and since I haven't heard all of Soundgarden's songs I'm going to rank all of Audioslave's songs.

Audioslave was definitely a unique band during its short lifespan in the 2000's. It mixed hard rock with the 90's alternative sound. This is hardly surprising given where Chris Cornell came from as well as the other three bandmates, the instrumentalists from Rage Against the Machine. The band didn't start off too well. The band's name was rather dull. In addition the first album wasn't great; the songs mostly sounded the same and their sound was basically just Rage but with a different singer. But there were a couple hits that rocked well. With their second album, the band matured to become more than the sum of its parts and had established its own sound. The third album – the best in my opinion – continued expanding the band's sonic palette with forays into funk rock and R&B. The band only made three albums, but they're decent modern rock albums and we should be thankful for the time we had with Audioslave. So read on and enjoy my ranking of all 36 of Audioslave's songs from best to worst.

1. “Be Yourself”, Out of Exile (2005)

2. “Like A Stone”, Audioslave (2002)

3. “Doesn't Remind Me”, OOE

4. “Shadow On the Sun”, A

5. “Revelations”, Revelations (2006)

6. “#1 Zero”, OOE

7. “Moth”, R

8. “Until We Fall”, R

9. “Gasoline”, A

10. “Shape of Things to Come”, R

11. “Cochise”, A

12. “Set it Off”, A

13. “Jewel of the Summertime”, R

14. “Out of Exile”, OOE

15. “Man or Animal”, OOE

16. “Your Time Has Come”, OOE

17. “One and the Same”, R

18. “Getaway Car”, A

19. “Broken City”, R

20. “I Am the Highway”, A

21. “Show Me How to Live”, A

22. “Dandelion”, OOE

23. “The Curse”, OOE

24. “Nothing Left to Say But Goodbye”, R

25. “What You Are”, A

26. “Yesterday to Tomorrow”, OOE

27. “Sound of a Gun”, R

28. “Somedays”, R

29. “The Worm”, OOE

30. “Drown Me Slowly”, OOE

31. “Light My Way”, A

32. “Original Fire”, R

33. “Hypnotize”, A

34. “Exploder”, A

35. “Wide Awake”, R

36. “The Last Remaining Light”, A

Spider-Man Movies Highs and Lows

It's been a while since I did a high-low list. Well since this series has now had its sixth film – and third re-imagining – I think now would be a good time to take a look at the best and worst of the Spider-Man movies. And unlike the other high-low lists I've done, this one is after the new film's release so expect to see elements from Spider-Man: Homecoming here. Enjoy!

Best Movie: Spider-Man 2 (2004)

Worst Movie: Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Funniest Movie: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Best Spider-Man Actor: Andrew Garfield (ASM, ASM2)

Best Peter Parker Actor: Tobey Maguire (SM, SM2, SM3)

Best Villain: Green Goblin (Spider-Man, 2002)

Most Disappointing Villain: Venom (Spider-Man 3, 2007)

Worst Villain: Rhino (ASM2)

Worst Main Villain: Lizard (Amazing Spider-Man, 2012)

Best Villain Introduction/Origin: Sandman (SM3)

Best-Acted Villain: Michael Keaton as the Vulture (SMH)

Best Love Interest: Either Mary Jane or Gwen Stacy. Too close to call. Sorry.

Worst Love Interest: Liz (SMH)

Best Aunt May: Rosemary Harris (SM, SM2, SM3)

Least Interesting Aunt May: Marisa Tomei (SMH)

Best Uncle Ben: Cliff Robertson (SM)

Best Side Character: J. Jonah Jameson (SM, SM2, SM3)

Most Puzzling Choice of Actor: Topher Grace as Eddie Brock/Venom (SM3)

Most Out-of-Nowhere Character: Bernard, Harry's butler (SM3)

Best Special Effects: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Worst Special Effects: Spider-Man

Best Action Scene: Spider-Man vs. Dr. Octopus (SM2)

Most Brutal Death: Green Goblin (SM)

Best Characterization of New York City, for better or worse: Spider-Man

Silliest Moment: Peter dancing at the nightclub (SM3)

Stupidest Moment: Reporter chick commentating the final fight scene (SM3)

Worst U.S. Flag Moment: Spider-Man 3

Movie Whose High School Characters Actually Look Like They Belong in High School: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Best Spider-Man Costume: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Worst Costume: Green Goblin (SM)

Best Musical Score: Spider-Man

Best Stan Lee Cameo: Amazing Spider-Man

Best Bruce Campbell Cameo: Spider-Man 2

Most Accurate Portrayal of Web Shooters: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Most Easter Eggs/Name Drops: Spider-Man: Homecoming

Most Shameful Sequel-baiting: Amazing Spider-Man 2

Announcement: New Blog Name

Hello, readers. Tony here with a special announcement: I'm changing my blog's name. By August's end, this site will no longer be known as Anachronarchy, but instead as Arnold's Benediction. I've been considering changing the blog's name for several weeks now, mostly because Anachronarchy sounds kind of silly. Yes, I thought it was cool at first -- plus there were no other websites with that word in it -- but now it seems tacky. Plus, there's the problem of nobody knowing how to pronounce the word.
So I've gone with Arnold's Benediction because I guess you could say that this blog is my way of bestowing my personal blessing (and curses) on that which I see fit to criticize. Also, while I don't personally know anyone named Arnold, the title does sound like Benedict Arnold which I think makes sound catchy and is easier to remember.
(For those of you curious as to my opinions of Benedict Arnold, I think the significance of his defection from the US is greatly overplayed. He was an accomplished Major General with the Continental Army, but once he switched sides his contribution to the British war effort was minor. Despite a life of controversy, his family laid down roots in Canada and became landowners and settlers.)
The name changeover will take place on 31 August. And take note that the site's URL address will likely change as well. (If you can't find this site then I'm sure a Google search of "arnold's benediction blog" will turn it up.)
See ya later!